One Sentence Summary: Kerri gets a new apartment & christens it with bitchy girl attitude.
Rachel: After the insanity that was the New York Housewives at war in St. Barths, I’m looking forward to the subtle bitchiness of the Gallery Girls. That’s right, I like my drama at low decibels. It’s like reality TV on half a valium. It works for me. I can actually feel my blood pressure coming down as I venture into a world where Eli Klein is torturing his intern and three girls are running a business by working 8 hours a week each. Shhh… no one shouts in the gallery. Let’s check in with our girls.
Kerri is having a housewarming party and her mom has come in from the city to help her get ready. Aw, you gotta love a mom that helps you unpack a new apartment. I have a good mom like that. She even flew to Ohio to help my bro & sister-in-law unpack their new house. But I digress… We’re not here for Rachel’s family history. We’re here for crazy.
Maggie’s birthday is coming up and she is pre-celebrating (new word) with her friend Chris and a bottle of champagne. It’s a tradition for them and one with which I wholeheartedly agree. She is having a bowling birthday party, which Chris thinks is trashy. She says it’s a classy place. I say there’s nothing wrong with getting a little trashy now & again. Besides, bowling is fun. Just don’t go the day you get your nails done. It’s her first birthday with her boyfriend and she actually says she doesn’t care where he takes her as long as they’re together. Wow, a very modest moment for our Maggie. I like it. I also like that her boyfriend has a full-on fist pumping Jersey Shore friend that will be joining. Now, that’s good times.
Downtown, Angela is working on her photos which will be displayed at her art show… You know the one that is already planned even though she doesn’t have enough stellar photos to show. Genius.
Oh look, the gallery girls are truly reality stars now making phone calls on speakerphone. Kerri invites Maggie to her party and… yeah, that’s the entire scene. Thanks for that.
Back to Angela and hearing about her show. Her family would prefer she be a doctor, but she knows this is her calling. And speaking of calling, Alex is on the phone and he has some bad news. Seems the fabulous venue she was expecting isn’t all that keen on giving her their space for free being that she’s an unknown artist. Actually, pretty much no venue is. What a surprise. This does not sit well with Angela and her out of the world expectations. It was his job to talk her up and get the space. Now her creativity is all screwed up. Thanks, Alex! Hey, I know a space downtown that could probably use some business… And girl, why were you telling people about the event before you had a place secured?
Ryan is taking Maggie out to dinner for her birthday and it’s up to him to pick the whine… er, wine for them to drink. I don’t understand girls who whine to their guys about everything. Is that a turn-on? I wonder if it’s subconscious and now I wonder if I do it… No, I couldn’t possibly… Could I? Well, it’s irrelevant right now seeing as how I’m excruciatingly single… Right right, not about me. I keep forgetting… Ryan didn’t get the memo that New York guys take charge in relationships & Maggie isn’t sure if that’s grounds for dismissal or not. But she’ll wait until after she gets her birthday dinner & present to decide. He wants to take her skydiving and she is not interested. That is not the kind of take charge she was hoping for. He also didn’t go to Crumbs to get her a cupcake. Yeah, this guy has to go.
Time to check in with End of Century where we are told that last year Chantal did
a lot of modeling to make money. Say what? Since End of Century isn’t making any money she’s lined up a photo shoot, at her apartment no less, for a Japanese magazine. There are so many things about that sentence that confuse me. Apparently, Japanese teenage girls really like her. She thinks it’s because she’s small & looks like an anime character. That’s fine. I’ll take that answer, because I’m more interested in knowing why this magazine is shooting her in her own clothes? Doesn’t the magazine sell anything? But that’s why her boyfriend is into her, because he likes Asian girls. Yeah, I can’t do the math on that one either, but this is Chantal’s world and we’re just living in it.
Jane Holzer is back and taking Liz to Print & Design New York. Liz has invited Maggie along as well since she didn’t get to really meet Jane at the gallery. Also invited by their boss are Kerri & Amy. Jane & Sharon run into each other putting Liz face to face with her “social albatross” Amy. She doesn’t like hanging out with Amy because she gets really wasted and that’s not cool by her, especially after rehab. Kinda bitchy, but I kinda get it. Any, however, doesn’t get it. They’ve been friends their whole lives and now Liz basically acts like she’s never met her before. This bums Amy out and she makes one last attempt to salvage the friendship by inviting Liz to Kerri’s housewarming. Might have wanted to check with Kerri first, but you go on with your bad self.
Time for the party and Angela is the first one through the door. Holy nice first apartment in Manhattan, Kerri! And in the West Village at that. Go girl. And it
takes Angela all of 60 seconds to bag on everyone in the room for having nice teeth and wearing Express shiny shirts. Then leave. You should probably be out taking pictures anyhow. But why do that when she can be “controversial” and whip out her sexy truth or dare cards? Lord she bugs. Seems Claudia’s fantasy is to sleep with Chantal’s boyfriend, who isn’t opposed to the idea. Everyone laughs, but I’m thinking neither was really kidding. And he’s also letting Angela know that he has an Asian fetish, which has led to arguing between he & Chantal. I think Spencer has an “anyone but Chantal” fetish quite frankly.
Liz & Maggie are not feeling the hotness of the men in the room so they might as well bag on Amy to Kerri before she gets there… which would be… now. She tries to make conversation with Liz who literally ignores her. OK, that’s so immature and nasty. Get over yourself. Angela saunters over and tells the girls that she’s too fat to be a real model when they compliment her looks. She also decides that Liz is cooler than she thought now that she sees she has a tattoo sleeve. Amy leaves (and I don’t blame her) and Angela joins in the bashing chorus saying that her sweetness is masking something. Claudia, I think, stands up for Amy but I can’t hardly hear what’s being said… Too many years working in music. All I know is that I so want to do a Three Stooges slap across all their faces right now.
More champagne at Maggie’s for her birthday in anticipation of her party where her fancy friends will collide with her boyfriend’s beer guzzling boys. This should be fun to watch. Wonder if Eli will be there… No, he probably is staying in and watching his secretly taped videos of Maggie while stroking his cat… and that’s not a euphemism… unless you want it to be, in which case, you may need to see a therapist for that. But the night starts out with lots of laughs between the fancy pants and the tough guys. Well, that is until the beers take over and the neanderthal comes creeping through in the form of wrestling moves & lewd sex acts with imaginary women. Klassy. Maggie is not having it. No one declasses a bowling alley on her watch. No one.
Claudia & Alex show up at Angela’s Sunday themed potluck party, which is Sorority Sluts this week in honor of Kerri & her friends. How positively snotty of you. Angela has on her blonde wig and is ready to do jello shots because sorority girls like fancy drinks that they saw on Sex & The City. Oh the attitudes on these girls! But enough ripping on the Deltas because it’s time to rip Alex a new one for “losing” the venue for Angela’s showing. She likes to do things the proper way. Alex suggests then that perhaps she would be better off planning on her own. She asks if she can show at End of Century, but they say no because they’re totally booked. Yeah, booked with art you can’t sell. So back to blaming Alex. But that gets boring fast so it’s time to have a food fight in Angela’s apartment… Uh, have fun cleaning that up.
Liz & Maggie meet up to rehash Maggie’s boyfriend’s behavior on her birthday. She wanted it to be more special, but he just didn’t get it. He was more interested in being with his boys. Yeah, welcome to being in your 20’s. Liz thinks he needs to be more attentive. Give him 20 years and he’ll come around… maybe. Liz thinks that Maggie needs to stick up for herself. She needs to tell him when he doesn’t something that she doesn’t like. She has to train him. But oh well, there’s always Valentine’s Day. Great scene… are we already out of footage that we’re resorting to this kind of filler? I know you have better in the can.
Back to Angela… way too much camera time tonight for my liking… as she gets ready for an event at End of Century. She’s shooting the party but she’s also planning on letting Alex know how disappointed she is. She’s dependent on him so clearly it’s up to him to make her life work. He’s just not pulling through for her and now her parents might be right about her not making it as an artist. Honey, you have to work for it. You don’t just throw yourself a show and suddenly become an art world sensation. But when Angela stresses out, she dresses out. I have no idea what that means and I’m scared to see it.
Whoa, Eli Klein showed up at End of Century. I’m shocked. So is Claudia. It’s like seeing the Pope at McDonalds. Some things just don’t go together. But that’s only momentarily the most shocking thing in the room because in walks Angela in
one of Lady Gaga’s rejected dresses. Oh sorry, it’s a “goth-asaur” outfit. Of course, I should have known. And here comes the confrontation with Alex. She wants to know why he’s not following through. He said he is and he’s not going to tell her about a place until it’s confirmed. She should just worry about the art. I feel like Angela is purposely having the argument in public though I can’t quite figure out what the motivation is. To humiliate him? To hope that someone hears and offers a space? Because she’s watched too many episodes of the Real Housewives (secretly of course)? I don’t know but it’s for a reason. Claudia tries to shut it down and tells Angela she needs to chill out. Pretty sure she just called her Yoko Ono… LOL. Awesome.
Amy is headed to Eli’s gallery to see Liz and see if she can’t sort out what’s going on between them. She walks into the gallery with cupcakes since she was “just in the neighborhood.” This might be the most awkward cupcake offering ever. She asks Liz to come with her for a coffee break so they can talk. She says she’ll be around the corner waiting for her if she could find some time. Yipes. I actually feel really badly for Amy. This is going to be ugly. I mean you brought a girl who can’t eat gluten cupcakes and apparently that means that Amy is clearly not her good friend. Anyone that knows her knows that she can’t eat gluten. Yeah, I’m thinking you might be taking this tough girl routine a bit too far there, Liz. Just a skosh.
Liz finally shows up and Amy just straight up asks her what is up. Oh boy, this is going to be painful. Liz starts by saying that she didn’t like that Amy was wasted at Eli’s dinner. Amy says she doesn’t remember, which happens when you’re wasted. But she does apologize for it. Liz wants to know if she has a drinking
problem. Amy says no, but Liz still feels like being around her after being in rehab is not good for her. Amy again is contrite and didn’t realize she was putting Liz in such a bad position. Liz decides that this would be a good time to just pull the rug out because she thinks Amy isn’t getting it and calls her an ass kisser, fake and uncomfortable in her own skin. Amy still takes the high road and says that isn’t who she is, but probably cares too much. She doesn’t understand being mean to someone for the sake of being mean. I’m with you, Amy. And yet, she apologizes again to Liz who then says maybe she should get a therapist. Wow, couldn’t help yourself, could you? And the fact that you feel good about your talk is even more baffling. You just ego punched a girl for no reason. That’s shitty. You could have just said that you have a hard time being around people who drink since rehab & went on your merry way living a cordial existence with her. And you know she’s going to go back to the gallery and bag on her all afternoon. Man, and I thought Liz was one of the good ones. Another one bites the dust.
Bottom Line: Oh no, do we really have to revisit Sucklord next week? For those that watched last season’s Work of Art will know how annoying this guy is. But I do love that the girls at End of Century are going to have to deal with that crazy. Should be a good time.