Hollywood Exes – Season 1 Finale

One Sentence Summary: Sadly, it is time to say farewell to our exes tonight, let’s go out with a bang!!

The Exes wrap up the lowest drama show the Bitches have ever witnessed.

My Thoughts:  Finally, I’m back!  I’ve worked through issues with my cable.  I was beginning to think it was an evil plot to keep me from bad TV, but no, just a faulty wire.  Really, I wouldn’t put it past “Bob’s Cable” to try to ruin my life by taking away my Exes.  Sorry, I digress.  So I’m back to visit with my favorite Exes only to find out it’s the season finale.  Say what?  NO!  You can’t take the ladies away from me so soon.  What will I do without them?  Hopefully the Texas chicas are on their way back!!

 You’re Hired

OMG, I got a movie role!! Now I can use my name and not just ex-Mrs. Purple Badness.  I’m still keeping the china and clothes though.

My first visit tonight is with Mayte who has been waiting to hear back from her audition.  She likens the waiting to torture worse than dating.  Get that, the director thinks she’s the perfect person for the role and wants to offer her the part.  Good on you girl!!  SQUEEEEs all around!  Yes I created my own word… I “SQUEEE” when I’m excited.  It’s usually the text sent to the other bitch when she says her flight has landed and I’m waiting in baggage claim.

Something for You, Something for Me

Sheree and Terrell discuss her not moving to San Diego over a trip to the Harley shop.  She’s thinking the bike will buy her some time… Nice play my dear.  We all know how that marital negotiation goes.  I’m not a member at a golf club so I can go to Paris with my girlfriends in October.  You give and you get.  Sheree honey, don’t argue with him if he’s looking at a smaller bike.  The smaller bikes are just as good as the big ass ones.  She’s hoping for a solid year in LA to work on whatever it is she needs to work on.  I was never quite sure what she does, and I’m too lazy to check out the biographies page of VH1.com.

Who’s Got Your Back

Please don’t break my fingers trying to squeeze the pain away.

Drea stops into the tat parlor to have hers modified and changed to her son’s name instead of her ex.  Conveniently, they share the same name.  She’s sort of freaking out and feels like she’s going to cry over the change.  She’s been walking around with Robert on her back (a way of saying he’s got her back) and now it will be her son.  This signifies the end of it all.  Good on you girl.  See kids, this is why I say NEVER get someone’s name tattooed on your body.  It’s just setting yourself up for another visit to the the chair for re-work.  I gotta say, I’m with her on not wanting to hear the needle turn on.  That’s a crazy ominous sound if you ask me.  Mayte was there for her holding her hands while she started anew… And cried her eyelashes off.  That cracks me up!

More Carats Please

A football shaped ring for an ex-footballer’s future wife.

Nicole and Sheree meet to look at wedding bands.  OK, you know I can’t wait to see what Strahan can afford.  Here’s a question though, if he moves to ‘Live with Kelly’ will Nicole move to the East Coast?  Will she no longer technically be an “Ex”?  Hang on, she’s going with the 7-carat football as a wedding band?  How much did he say that was??  $140K?  DAY-UM!!  Now here’s where I have to question the decision.  Weren’t we looking for wedding bands?  That looks more engagement to me.  A big ass engagement ring, but hey, you work it girl.  Can’t wait to see what the actual wedding band looks like if that’s the starting off point!

5-6-7… Wait, What’s Next?

Is it 4, then 5 or should I just go to 6?

Drea gets the girls ready to dance for her benefit with a cute little number that is right up their alley of designer perks.  Sheree is having issues with counting.  OK, issues with THE count, but it just sounds funnier to me when I say she can’t count.  Drea isn’t sure if the rehearsal makes her feel better or worse and is about to bite off all her nails.  I’m with you girl.  Is it in the contract that you have to have them in your benefit dancing?

Pack it Up

The more I drink, the easier it might get.

At Mayte’s house Drea is ready to return the favor for helping her with her tat.  It’s time to pack up the china.  Mayte gets misty eyed at the thought of getting rid of it.  Well, technically she’s just packing it up and not getting rid f it.  Drea tells her she doesn’t have her eyelash glue so Mayte can’t start crying over it all.  Really, I don’t want to be mean here, but they’re plates, and you’ve been divorced for over a decade.  He’s had an entire other marriage since you.  Just pack them up and put them in storage in the attic.  OK, seriously, how many damn plates does she have?  That’s going to clear up a lot of space for you now.  By the way, you know you can just put them in cute little china storage bags and not go through reams of bubble wrap.  Then you can sit and get drunk popping bubbles all afternoon.  As they seal up the boxes, Mayte feels like she’s getting her power back.  No my dear, selling them and buying yourself something nice is getting your power back.

Drama Returns

Read: I don’t have any money and I want to use yours.

Jessica and Sheree take a stroll around the reservoir to catch up, and who of all people should call but Jose.  He confesses that since the season is almost over and he’s been injured he doesn’t think he’s ever going to play baseball again.  He drops the bomb that he thinks they should move in together.  Really Jose, so you can just sponge off your ex-wife and ruin any chances of her having a somewhat normal dating life?  He leaves the call with a “you should consider the idea”.  Sorry, I have no patience for any man who reminds his woman that she “didn’t have to pay for anything” back in the day.  He’ll be back in LA soon and wants to be there for Josie and make up for lost time.  Lost time, like from when you bailed for your career and didn’t even bother to call her to tell her?  Oh Jess, don’t talk to Josie, she’ll want him to move in and you’ll end up 5 steps back from where you are today, woman!!  Sheree has a point, you NEED to put your boundaries up where he’s concerned.  Toss his ass to the curb.  Josie has you.  She doesn’t need her dad if he’s just going to dump her whenever it doesn’t meet his needs.

Twelfth Round Foundation

I’ll take your spot, watch me drop it like it’s hot!!

It’s the big night for Drea’s charity event for domestic violence awareness and prevention.  Nice job!  Now that they are at the theater the nerves start setting in for the ladies that they are going to be for real performing.  That’s a pretty damn big theater too.  I know if it were me, there might be a little nervous tink… Hell, nervous vomit happening from me.  Rehearsals are running right as rain with the ladies and Drea takes another run through with the company.  During her partner rehearsal Drea takes a nasty fall.  OK, I’m going to say it was nasty as I couldn’t watch the slo-mo replay.  I’m a queasy bitch when it comes to that stuff.  Sheree tries to comfort her and prays over Drea while they wait for the ambulance to arrive while the rest of the ladies watch over their friend.  Trooper that she is, she will not go to the hospital, but stay with her dancers and try to perform.  OK, there are moments when I absolutely adore Sheree, and this is it.  Like a great friend Sheree tries to lighten the mood and suggest she’ll cover for Drea if necessary.  Those were some of the best dance moves.  They achieve their desired effect and Drea is laughing.  Girl, you better hope for a miracle so Sheree doesn’t have to do anything more than sit in that chair.  Drea’s worried about what it’s going to feel like when they get the ice off even with a toe splint.  Hey now, Johnny Gill stops by to visit and attend the benefit.  Sadly, Drea realizes the foot is broken and dancing isn’t gonna happen.  Oh I feel for my dear, I really do!

What a beautiful entrance from Drea to thank everyone from coming and explain her going all out at rehearsals and causing an injury.  Weeping Wanda didn’t go all crazy, but man did she have every right to.  It WAS a wonderful benefit and the only thing to top it would be “a cocktail or two”.  Yeah, that’s my girl right there!!  The winey bitches are happy to hang with you and that attitude of yours.

 Good Bye, Glad We Met Ya

Cheers Ladies, we hope to see you again soon!!

The ladies all share their views of the sisterhood they found in each other, and the connection they have built.  Yes, I think we’ve said it before, these ladies are wonderfully refreshing and supportive of each other, and if more women treated each other like this the world might be a much nicer place.  Drea does not feel as though she’s left Chicago, but has come home.  She has found herself and is ready to live.

Bottom Line:  Thank you for an awesome season ladies.  What a refreshing evening of reality you have given the WIney Bitches, and for that… CHEERS!!

photos:  VH1.com


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