Real Housewives of New Jersey: Hot Tub of Sour Grapes

One Sentence Summary:  More than just the hot tub comes to a boil in Napa.

Our Thoughts: 

We are all insane for letting Bravo talk us into bringing you Teresa!!

Rachel:  I’m already cringing and the episode hasn’t even started.  First of all, any reference to a hot tub in relation to this show makes me shudder.  There is not one scenario that I can imagine which takes place near or in a hot tub that wouldn’t make me revisit my dinner.  That’s scarier to me than the crazy wind and rain from Tropical Storm Isaac happening outside my windows right now.  But I’m also cringing because I know that Caroline and Teresa are going to get into it tonight.  I know it’s hard to be around someone you can’t stand for any extended period of time and not say a word, but I just wish Caroline would have made it back to Jersey without an incident.  I know I haven’t heard the fight and I’m sure Teresa had it coming, but I just hate to see Caroline stoop to Teresa’s level.  Nothing good can come from it.  Teresa’s not ever going to change or take any responsibility for being an asshole.  Never.  So, why even take it to the mat with her?  Such a waste of energy in my book, but it happened.  No going back now… So I guess let’s just get this over with.  Cheers and Godspeed everyone!

Melissa:  It’s the final blow out on the trip from hell for the Jersey crew.  Hey, maybe it will be a quiet night where everyone gets along – yeah right!  At this point I’m completely exhausted with the fights and Teresa’s “I’ve been wronged”.  At least I have a nice glass of Educated Guess Cabernet to keep me company tonight, and let’s be honest, I think with all the simmering tensions, I’m going to need the whole bottle to get me through the next hour without chucking my remote control at Teresa’s head.

Hot Tub

Clearly me half naked will make everyone forget all about the fight brewing.

Melissa’s What Happened:  The group discusses the saint Kathy is… Much to the confused face and annoyed Teresa.  Joe tries to switch gears and suggests a trip to the hot tub… So he can get nekkid again.  It is a good distraction from where that conversation was headed… I think.  Did he just call himself the new matriarch of the family?  Giudice joins Gorga in the hot tub as does Melissa and Kathy.  Way to tosses out a jab for being left out of the toast Kath.  Yep, right there folks, that’s where it’s going to start sliding down the slippery slope of sanity.  Teresa tries to claim she didn’t snub Kathy.  Oh Kathy, why do you have to go with not wanting to leave with unresolved feelings?  There has been too much wine for this to be a good conversation.  Teresa tries to explain that Caroline is being stubborn and that’s why there are issues – loud enough so Caroline and the rest of the group can hear.  How do we know?  Because when we see Caroline we can hear the conversation in the background.  At least Jacqueline is smart enough to try to sleep and avoid an argument.  HA… Teresa’s fabulicious haze… Brilliant Caroline!  She thanks Kathy for trying to talk to Teresa,  even though she didn’t need to.  Caroline is ready to just cut the situation with Teresa out because she sees an ugly human in Teresa.

Rachel:  And so it begins with Joe Gorga suggesting the hot tub, which is just another excuse for him to show off Tarzan.  I love that he thinks his nudity will bring peace to the house.  Yes, seeing your junk will make everyone forget that Teresa just dissed Kathy.  And it certainly isn’t any better when you add a half-naked Joe Giudice to the human soup.  Yep, here comes that dinner.  Hey, did Kathy just stick up for herself?  Hold on, let me rewind.  Yes, she did!  She just called Teresa out for not including her in her speech.  Ah, the power of wine!  I’m going to pause for  moment and enjoy that before the onslaught of Teresa’s voice hits….  Ok, let me have it.   Great, not only do I have to hear her BS excuse for leaving Kathy and Rich out, but also see that horrible hair and dress again.  See, Kathy, here’s the thing.  Keep your issues with Teresa to your issues with Teresa.  Caroline doesn’t need you to fight her battles, especially when the battle is with someone that doesn’t get it.  And really guys, does no one understand the concept of voices carrying?  Stop talking!

The Fight

Oh no she isn’t over there talking about me.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Really Jacqueline, there is no reason to share that you heard the whole conversation and start the shit storm a brewing with Caroline and Teresa.  Teresa tries to claim her love for Caroline.  Teresa claims she was contracted to “put the truth out”, but Caroline calls lies… I’m surprised she didn’t flat out call bullshit quite frankly.  Joe Giudice claims the only magazine they deal with for articles is InTouch, and Chris is right there with his google search to disprove Joe’s claims that Teresa isn’t putting BS out there.  Melissa won’t turn her back on Teresa right now because she sees Caroline is done and I guess feels she has to be supportive of the twit.  Yes Jacqueline, keep your eyes closed so you don’t get drawn into the conversation.  Maybe fake a snore.  Teresa claims she’s the one who made things better with her family and it wasn’t Caroline’s helping.  Caroline claims Teresa has told her she didn’t want to fix things with her brother, and heard her on the phone trying to poison her mother against her brother.  Oh, way to try to turn the tables Teresa “you happy now Kath?”  Why drag her into it Teresa?  Oh, because you need to try to divert attention until you can formulate your ridiculous argument.  Kathy wisely stays out of it.  Meanwhile Chris questions Joe about the comments he made to a bottling guy that Chris was “shady”.  Gorga wisely stays out of the conversation but side bar confessional says he can see that the Giudices don’t take ownership for anything and they are the problem.  Ya think Joe??  The guys finish things off with a kiss and laughter – all a bit of a misunderstanding.  Teresa decides to try to walk off but as Caroline tries to wave bye-bye she announces she’s going to stay.  Clearly someone is channeling her inner Gia.

Side Bar:  I’m so riveted by the fight with Caroline and Teresa I’ve barely noticed shirtless Giudice (gag).

Rachel:  I love that Teresa just strolls up like nothing happened.  Oh Caroline, I just wish you would have been the bigger person and just walked away.  What’s the point in even going into it with her?  Oh, and how delicious is it that Joe Giudice is in the background talking about how they get paid to do the articles while his wife is sitting there saying they don’t?  Good God, he is so unbelievably stupid.  And do Caroline & Teresa really need to go through this again?  You hate each other.   Say it and move on.  And the wave of anger moves over to the guys… I guess Isaac’s not the only storm rolling through tonight.  Wait, Chris.  You knew Joe called you shady to someone you were going to do business with and you still let him come with you on this trip?  WTF is wrong with these people?

Tension in the Ranks

Grab me again Teresa and I’ll break this wrist and everyone here will hold you down while I do it.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Joe Giudice (slurring) decides to tell Caroline to “end it”, as the Manzo’s tense for a possible fight.  Poor Gregg watching the words volley back and forth.  Albert thinks they should let the girls work it out and not get involved.  Wise choice Albert, and bless you because I’d punch him in the throat by now.  Lauren gets into it since no one is defending her mom.  Good for you girl, you charge right in there!  Teresa insists she’s not lying about anything and the stories are fabricated… Well, the ones that make her “look bad”, but naturally Caroline still isn’t picking up what she’s putting down.  In an attempt to prove some point Teresa grabs and Kathy’s face to get her to look up. Hey now, that’s not cool.  Anyone grabs my face like that, they’re getting hit – just sayin.  Joe wisely pulls the  “we have an earlier flight” move.  Teresa in usual form screeches how happy she is because now she can get back to see her girls.  Melissa thinks it’s a shame that things will end on a bad note.  Speaking of bad notes, Teresa decides to stroll back in and claim again that she’s never once said anything bad about Caroline in a magazine.  Caroline tells Kathy and Melissa she likes them both, but she’s done with Teresa and she’s toxic.  Preach it sista!!

Rachel:  These ladies could learn something from the men.  Say what you need to say and move on.  And how much do we love Albert?  Lots.  And Lauren gets a hi-five from me too.  She’s right.  Caroline has defended Melissa and Kathy and Jacqueline to the hilt but they just sit there like mutes because they worked their shit out.  Not cool.  And let me tell you, if Teresa had put her hands on me the way she did on Kathy, there’d be an out & out brawl.  We’d have another fistful-of-weave incident on our hands.  And Teresa’s exit from the scene?  That was krazy with a K.  Oh!  And another C bomb from the Giudices!  Lovely.

The End… Behind Closed Doors

We didn’t get enough of Greg this episode… hope he didn’t get a pinched nerve with the back and forth he watched.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Behind closed doors Teresa rants on about Caroline as Joe gets Melissa out of the conversation and he’s changed flights to get home with Joe and Teresa.  Kathy comes in and Teresa again claims she didn’t mean to grab her face… Which she did.  What else do they want you to do Teresa?  Maybe STFU?  That would be my plan for you,  that might be nice.  Please just let it go Kathy.  She’s insane.  Kathy doesn’t understand why Teresa wants to put walls up that people can’t get in.  Um, because she doesn’t really want you in.  I love that Jacqueline is still playing possum.  Way to stick up for yourself or your sister-in-law… Bravo!

In her own room Caroline cries out all the negativity.  Melissa reminds them who backed them up.  Teresa claims if the tables here turned she’d back them up.  Yeah, I’m thinking not since you spent the bulk of the season going after your sister-in-law.

Rachel:  So now Joe Gorga is backing his sister up after he said 15 minutes ago that she was the problem.  These people are crazy.  Kathy!  Come on!  Why are you going after Teresa right now to try and have a rational conversation?  You are such a fool. You seriously need a backbone.  A smack upside the head and a backbone.  And don’t even get me started on Jacqueline… I’ll let a sleeping dog lie.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Wow, a full hour of Teresa and Caroline fighting.  There isn’t a drink strong enough to make that not painful

Melissa:  Thank goodness that is all over.  I have a blistering headache trying to figure out half of that fight out.  Please Lord, don’t let all that insanity and bad energy effect the ’12 grapes!!

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