One Sentence Summary: These girls are twits.
Rachel: Alright kiddies, I’m gonna cover these Gallery Girls with as much quickness as I can. Unfortunately, they are on Mondays along with RHONY and Bachelor Pad, which already suck 3 hours of my life. So, how much wine is in my veins on any given Monday will dictate whether or not I can handle an additional hour of these ladies (term used loosely) as well. I may have to take a break and revisit via DVR as to preserve what little is left of my sanity. I hope you understand. Oh and one last thing before we get this week’s party started; I admittedly know nothing of the current art world other than attending a few openings with bad really warm wine. So, I’m just going with what is presented to me on the screen. But I do know bitchiness and judgement, so I think it will all work out in the end.
That being said, I really went into the first week expecting to love the Brooklyn girls, naively thinking they’d be the more down to earth of the bunch. Yeah, no. I actually find them more annoying than the Manhattan girls. At least the Manhattan girls don’t pretend to not be snobby… Gotta appreciate that. But, it was just Week 1 so maybe the balance of power will shift. Let’s see…
Ah yes, the after-effects of the Grand Opening party at End Of Century. Claudia shows up in time to clean up the frat party before opening… by herself. Chantal shows up around 1pm after her yoga class and French-press coffee. I think she might bug the most of
all the girls, with that lazy affected accent that she’s taken on for herself. You know, the one that says to the world “I’m so super cool and laid back yet totally cutting edge and superiorly intelligent that I can barely muster the energy to enunciate.” Yeah, how about you get your ass out of bed and get to work at a reasonable hour like the rest of the working world. Wait, so she just showed up to say that she’d like to work 2 days a week? Well, I guess she does need ample time to see indie flicks and underground bands. Seriously though, how Claudia doesn’t lose her shit is beyond me. Then again, she did choose to go into business with… that in the first place.
Then there’s Kerri, the middle class girl from Long Island. I’m not sure where to put her yet, but I think I like her most thus far. Sister is working a day job and doing an art internship. I appreciate that. Her day job is essentially being a concierge for wealthy people. She called it being a “lifestyle manager”. I love that we all have to come up with funky job descriptions to make ourselves feel better about what we’re doing with our lives. I’m not a blog writer. I’m a sarcasm delivery specialist. Ooh, I like that.
Anyone else a little creeped out by Eli Klein? I look at him and see the character on Law & Order that has a dark past that he keeps repressed until he snaps one day and keeps one of his interns prisoner in the basement of the gallery because his mother didn’t love him. Just me? Anywho, it’s Maggie’s first day back at her internship since she decided to leave without any notice to her boss. First on the list of things to do: change the water in the dog bowl that Eli keeps outside. Second, go into the conference room and sort through dog poop bags. Way to passive-aggressively punish her for bailing on you, Eli.
The Brooklyn girls head out for some cocktails and talk turns to how much work running End of Century is. Really? That’s hard work? Oh the youth today. I worked 70 hour weeks as a receptionist at an ad agency when I was their age so I could get ahead… uphill… both ways… Yes, I sound old, but what happened to the work ethic in this country? I could go on, but that’s for another blog on another day. Angela doesn’t care about their jobs. She cares about finding a dude since things didn’t work out with the Australian… shocking. Luckily three guys walk over and make themselves at home with the ladies. So much so that one sticks his fingers in their mac and cheese to taste it. Seriously? Can you say rude pig? The girls aren’t impressed to say the least and it doesn’t get better when Johnny Cheesehands says that it’s Asian month and makes a play for Angela. She says she’s feeling like they’re being raped… a little dramatic… and Claudia asks them to go. JC obliges but not before he shoves a fist full of mac and cheese into his pie hole on his way out. This doesn’t sit well with Angela who throws a fist full of her own at JC’s back because he get bechamel sauce on her outfit. You don’t mess with her clothes. Wait, that’s the part that offended you?
Oh it’s insecure Amy getting ready for the auction. I want to want to hug her and tell her she’s good enough, but I don’t think I’m invested enough yet. I still just find her annoying. The rest of the ladies head out in their artsy finest as well. The bidding starts and Kerri is baffled by how much money some people have. You & me both, sister. Maggie’s friend is just baffled by the banging of the mallet at the end of the sale. Hey, not everyone can be a genius. Then to show he’s also a man of class, he takes a brief respite from smacking his gum to tell Claudia, who’s sitting in front of him, that her shirt is on backwards… or something. What’s the “or something”? And why do you need to be a douchebag like that? Why? What’s the point? The fake pleasantries continue after the show when Maggie finds herself sitting alone with the Brooklyn-ites. Meanwhile, Amy tells Maggie that she met her friend the night before and they really hit it off. Seems that “hit it off” was more like drunken hitting on according to the story that Maggie heard. Oh Amy, again? Wait, what about the shirt? Backwards or not? Oh cruel world. We shall never know.
The Brooklyn troika, Amy & Kerri head out for drinks. Amy orders a lychee martini which apparently is so five years ago according to Angela. Oh come on. Are you that small that you are going to bomb on someone’s drink order? Then Chantal orders a Pinot Noir that must be from France because she doesn’t like wines from Oregon. OK, I take it back. Bombing on someone’s drink order is totally fine because it’s about to happen here. I’m going to bet that if you put a Pinot Noir from Oregon in front of her and told her it was from France that she wouldn’t know the difference. Get over yourself. You heard that from someone else. Kerri bails early to go to a concert with her man, but not before she turns down an invitation from Amy to go to a bar on the Upper East Side since she can’t deal with the UES. She also can’t deal with paying her part of the bill since she “peaces out” without leaving any cash. Sigh… These girls.
Kerri heads out for her day job which includes getting a dozen everything bagels for clients and taking them to the airport to put them on a private plane. OK, that’s absurd. Do we really live in that world? On her way back, she has to pick up a print for her boss at the internship. That seems more reasonable. Wonder if she’ll get shit for doing it on the other company’s car tab?
Over at Eli Klein’s, the boss is still playing his reindeer games with Maggie and sends her to, gasp, Brooklyn to pick up badges. Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges! That’s what messengers are for. But off our little Maggie goes into the scary dog-eat-dog world of Brooklyn. She’s nervous she’s going to get mugged or killed. Yes, the odds of that happening with a camera crew with you are huge. Thankfully she finds the joint before anything bad happens and survives to cry to her boyfriend about it. Oh Maggie, you’re so brave.
At End of Century, a local gallery owner brings some of his French clients over to possibly buy one of Claudia’s paintings. I like Claudia and would like to see her sell something. I feel like she is truly trying to make it happen. My vote isn’t in yet on Lara other than I vote for her to wash her hair at some point during the season. She does her best to sell some art but the clients are more interested in the clothes & accessories. Perhaps another time.
Maggie returns from her journey into the bowels of Hell to find out that Eli is hiring a new assistant. She wouldn’t want that job because it’s all running errands and has nothing to do with art… like picking up badges and sorting through dog poop bags?
So Chantal suddenly has long brown hair again and decides to chop it off… and ends up with the haircut we just saw on her two scenes ago… Uh what? I guess we’re going back to the future to hear about her decision to cut it all off because her other two gallery pals have long brown hair too. Deep. Her boyfriend Spencer loves it, not that it matters since she never takes his opinion into consideration. Aw, ain’t love grand? Who needs respect when you have indifference?
Kerri heads out to Long Island to visit her grandparents & father. I love that her
family tells her that she’s too skinny and immediately remedies that with a bowl of chili before they watch football. This is my kind of family. A beer drinking, football watching, pub going family. Love them. Dad wants to make sure she’s paying her student loans and is making a steady income. She says she’s living within her means but barely. Welcome to making your way in the world. Yep, love them lots.
An actual business meeting is happening at End Of Century. Sales are half of where they need to be and there’s an electric bill on the table staring them in the face. Claudia says she feels like you pay a bill and then you have to pay another bill. Crazy how that works, huh? They owe $83 and this puts them into a panic. Uh, if that puts you into a panic, you’re in big trouble. That’s a light electric bill for a store in Manhattan, ladies. But they’re only at a third of what they need in sales for the month. They need to sell some art and that’s on Claudia’s shoulders. Without it, there’s no rent and no paychecks. Ruh-roh… how will they keep up with the Manhattan girls?
Angela goes out with her gays to discuss her lack of dating options. I’m thinking dressing like a giant cream puff isn’t helping your cause any. She’s sick of the smelly broke guys with STDs in Brooklyn. Well, yeah, I can see how that might get old. She rattles off her list of 700 things that she needs in a man and the boys let her know that she’s just too picky. Hey, she’s a heartbreaker guys. It’s shocking men everywhere aren’t asking her out as she walks down the street. Yeah, I can’t imagine what it is about you that’s a turn-off. It seems our fair Angela has also never had an orgasm. Never? Damn. No wonder you’re so uptight. I think you should invest more time in battery-operated toys and less time into being a “man eater” while you work that out. Just some friendly advice. Listen to your gays when they tell you that your vagina is depressed. How can it not be? It’s doing all the work but getting none of the reward. It’s like slave labor.
Maggie tells Liz that she’s hoping she can finish her internship soon so she can get her letter of recommendation and a new job at another gallery. Liz thinks that there’s more to the story between Eli & Maggie. Eli comes back and invites the girls out for drinks. Liz can’t go because she has to get her hair done. Well, she isn’t actually getting her hair done. She’s just not trying to sit through drinks with Eli & Maggie. Well played, Liz. You and your arm tattoo are rising on my like list. At drinks, Eli & Maggie have awkward conversation about her boyfriend’s unrefined palate and dislike of Manhattan. Amy’s voiceover tells us that she thinks they might get married and have midget kids with slicked back hair. Ha, I love it. And I think she might be right. There is a weird dynamic going on between them for sure. Hmmm… Maggie & Eli sitting in a tree?
Bottom Line: Well, after 2 episodes, Kerri, Amy and Claudia are on my keepers list. Angela & Chantal need to be voted off the island (figuratively… I know Brooklyn isn’t on the island of Manhattan). The others are waffling somewhere in the middle. What say you?