Real Housewives of New Jersey: Pack Your Baggage

One Sentence Summary:  The Housewives manage to escape Hurricane Irene but are possibly headed for another storm.

I can’t believe they brought me here!! Now I have even more reason to ruin everyone’s trip.

Melissa’s Thoughts:  I didn’t realize the trip was during Hurricane Irene – what a nasty bit of storm that was for us here in North Jersey.  I’m thinking about half way through this disastrous trip some of the ladies are going to wish they were spending time with Irene.  OK, I have to say it… I promise I’ll only do it once, but I can’t have an entire episode about it go buy without paying homage to Cousin Eddie “That there is an R-V”.  Oh I loves me some cousin Eddie.  I only hope I’ll get to use the “sh*tter was full” line at some point in this blog too.  I mean no disrespect, and occasionally after a few too many I think it might be fun to take my son camping.  Then I realize, no… No, not fun for YOU Melissa.   The closest you come to the Outdoorsy type is drinking your wine on the deck.  And then the conversation and any plans for an RV camping trip are pretty much over.

A Storm is Brewing

Yes that’s completely appropriate for camping… On the Vegas strip

As Melissa packs the ominous clouds start to roll in.  No, not the dark cloud that will be the entire trip to Napa, that’s Teresa.  I’m talking Hurricane Irene, a nasty storm that belted the North East.  Seems Melissa is good with packing for the whole family (Joe included because apparently he can’t deal with that) but camping has her boggled down with what to pack.

Teresa plans out her leopard wardrobe including a bathing suit, but as Joe warns she doesn’t need heels to to hike.  Teresa says she would never RV or camp on her own.  I ask then why the hell she’s going?  Oh, to make everyone’s life miserable on the trip.  Sorry, every once and a while I answer my own questions.

Jacqueline too is having a problem deciding what to bring because while she likes camping she knows Melissa and Teresa are going to turn it into a fashion show.  Sister, pack what you’re going to be comfortable and warm in and don’t worry about the twit in her bikinis freezing her ass off.  Maybe then at least she’ll stay in the RV.

Teresa tells Joe she saw Jacqueline at the tasting and that she thanked her and Chris for the invite to the trip – but she’s still hurt.  Again woman, why are you going?  If you’re hurt don’t go you annoying twit.  Btw, I’m mentally replacing the i with an a when I reference Teresa.

Jacqueline tells Chris that Teresa acted like nothing was wrong when she was talking to her so that everyone could have a good time.  That of course makes Jacqueline miss the old Teresa.  You know, the one from season 1, the fun loving, table flipping Teresa… Before the bubbies.  Maybe that’s it, her bubbies have made her crazy.

Of course Teresa is like a dog with a bone over how hurt she was by Jacqueline.  It’s almost to the point that I’m in agreement with Joe that she needs to stop talking about it.  Teresa is also worried about the news saying a hurricane is coming because she thinks it’s a lot of rain and windy.  You know, I really think the producers are just looking for stupid things to make us laugh at her.  And to that I raise my glass… Cheers!

Manzos Take On A Roomie?

Of course I’ll move in, until you tell your parents and they flip out.

At the Manzo kid’s apartment Albie talks to the infamous Lindsey about the trip and his excitement of going.  She has a “room situation”, which we all know is code for her lease is up.  Hmmm, wonder if if she can crash with the boys “just until something comes along”.  Christopher and Greg in an attempt to head things off barge in and say they like having a girl around – you know for some girl talk once and a while.  Albie suggests maybe given her current situation she move in with them.  Wait, how long has he known her??  Moving at lightening speed aren’t we there Albie?  Oh, damn, I can’t say anything I shacked up with my now husband like 2 months after we started dating.  Listen, it was just easier and we could save on rent.  Well, that was the story I spun.  Anywho, back to the Manzos… Albie isn’t so sure how his folks will feel, but he’s over the moon with Lindsey.

Christopher and Greg discuss what the coming of Irene means to their travel options, which have grown now to a 23 hour travel day.  Yikes, that’s not fun.

Irene’s In a Bad Mood

Irene came to town and refused to play nice

Oh look, and there’s Matt Lauer and Gov. Christie filling us in on the craziness that was Irene.  No joke, that was a nasty storm, we were stuck in the house and I got so stir crazy I reorganized my entire kitchen and family room.  All the airports are shut down in the area, so the only option for the crew is to drive to Pittsburgh to catch a flight to Texas to then connect to San Francisco.  As the tavel delirium sets in we’re treated to shots in the cars of the ride including Jacqueline applying whitening strips to her teeth.  At the Pittsburgh International Airport Albie reminds us they still have 13 hours of travel and the Giudice / Gorga car is an hour behind.  On the first leg to Houston everyone is still smiles, and Melissa realizes they still have another 6 hours of travel to San Francisco.

Start of the Journey

It can double as a pillow while we camp, and serve as a subtle reminder that I was called one once… By… Someone

As the crew lands I’m treated to views of one of my favorite US cities.  It seems everyone is still in a relatively good mood now that they have escaped Irene.  As they drive along Teresa shares that her shoes are Aztec-y because they’re going to a Native American place, you know, that’s what being out in the west means (insert eye roll).  As they drive along they realize they aren’t in Jersey because of the mountains.  I’m just curious to that logic as I live about 20 minutes from a ski resort… In New Jersey.  I love how one’s mind wanders when driving along, they see some cows and start the conversation of how cows have sex, which they decide to Google and found some cow porn.  Anywho, back to the trip.  Chris lays out the itinerary for the group including their first night camp out at Half Moon Bay and the sleeping assignments.  The kids may have to sacrifice and sleep on the beach.  At Camping World eveyone buys up everything they think they need… Including stuffed animals.  Such a practical approach to the trip.

As they are about to head out in the RV Teresa bellows from the bathroom that her stomach is killing her, but she doesn’t want to poop in the RV… Oh, you know I want to… but I won’t.  Oh well sweetie, I’m thinking it’s either that or head back into the store.  Also, can we get that edited out of the audio so that thought isn’t in my head?

The campers are stressed about the RV’s on the mountain roads with the cliffs on the side.  Speaking of stress, Albie is a little stressed about telling his family about Lindsey living with them.

Finally they reach Half Moon Bay RV Park and Teresa doesn’t like what she sees.  I guess no one realized where they were going and assumed they would pull the RVs on the beach to camp.  Teresa doesn’t want to leave the RV to meet the “neighbors” at the RV park, she clearly thinks she’s above them.  I love the RV folks eyeing Teresa up and mentally shaking their heads at her.  I wonder if it makes her twitchy when people don’t ooh and aah over her since she’s a celebrity.  Teresa tells them all she doesn’t really care for the park while Melissa tries to convince them SHE likes their pretty RV park.  You can almost hear her mentally telling Teresa to shut up she’s offending everyone.  In her RV, Kathy pulls out the Veuve (she knows how to camp!!) to share a drink with Teresa and chat.  Teresa decides this is the appropriate moment to bring up how Kathy said the recipes in Teresa’s book were her mom’s cookies.  Kathy reminds her the moms shared recipes and cooked together.  Teresa thinks she needs to own what she did, that the recipes are Teresa’s only – because no one has a recipe for pignoli or pizzelle cookies.  Yeah, because Teresa is the first one to own what she does.  Kathy thinks a diversion in necessary and brings up what happened with Jacqueline.  Nice change of subject my dear, well played.

A Good Night’s Sleep – or Not

who did these, a mason??

Greg and Vito manage to score a place in the Waklie RV but are busting Rich’s mo-jo for a morning romp with Kathy (because THAT was something I wanted to have in my head).

In the Gorga / Giudice RV Joe was cold the night before and turned the heat on to create a mini oven in the RV.  Melissa decides since she had such a bad night’s sleep to crawl into bed with Joe and Teresa only to learn (and share) Teresa’s boobs are like brick houses, but maybe it’s the bra.  Joe seizes a moment to take Tarzan out to show pretty much anyone.  Just when we thought we had enough, Richie shows off how happy he is to see everyone.  If this is what “camping” is about, really I’m good with never experiencing it.  I’ll camp at the Marriott thank you.  In Kathy’s RV she tries to make muffins for the group but doesn’t know how to work the convection oven and produces some sad looking cookie looking muffins.  Caroline shares she’s actually enjoying her time but is purposely staying away from Teresa to save the trip for everyone.  Kathy and Jacqueline talk about how Teresa seems to be getting along better with Kathy and her family.  Caroline wants to keep her problems with Teresa away from people mending their issues with Teresa.

Melissa and Teresa take a quick walk on the beach so Teresa can tell Melissa what happened with Kathy at the book signing with the recipes.  I thought you were going to talk about it with Kathy so you could put it behind you Teresa.  Did you get confused again, “putting things behind you” is the opposite of bringing them up whenever you can.  I can see how you might confuse the two.  Melissa realizes it for being ridiculous as do the rest of us.  Teresa thinks Melissa is sticking by Kathy’s side on this and isn’t sure if they are OK.  Melissa suggests that maybe Teresa sit back and think about why she’s having issues with everyone.  Ruh-ro… This will end badly, and by that I mean Teresa needs to figure out how to spin this so she’s the wronged one and turn on Melissa for bringing it up.  Hang on now Teresa, you say you don’t hold grudges?  Is that why you’re still mad at Kathy over the cookie comments?  Don’t we have like 2 seasons of tape of you holding grudges?  Teresa thinks Caroline is getting into people’s heads.  Melissa thinks she and Teresa are having a break-through moment, and Teresa too thinks they might be able to rekindle their friendship.

Bottom Line:  Seems I may have been more fortunate dealing with Irene than the Housewives will be dealing with Teresa.


9 responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey: Pack Your Baggage

  1. I swear I almost just peed when I got to the part about Kathy opening the Veuve – “she knows how to camp!” Haha!

    On a related note, I’ve been slowly warming to Kathy with every new episode and that little gesture may have sealed it for me.

    • She doesn’t annoy me as much as last year, but she does drive me crazy with always wanting to give Teresa the benefit of the doubt. BUT, I like her (drinking) style, and that’s all that really matters 🙂

  2. LOL @ “If you’re hurt don’t go you annoying twit. Btw, I’m mentally replacing the i with an a when I reference Teresa.”

    I understand completely, I mentally spell bitch with a capital C when I reference Teresa…

  3. “Bitch with a capital C” might be my new favorite phrase!

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