Our Thoughts: Oh man it’s the rhythmic gymnastics tribute challenge. Nice, little nod to the Olympics producers. Though truth be told folks I’d much rather be watching the London coverage… I loves me some synchronized divers. OK, fine, I like they are half naked (I’m being generous yes) and in fantastic shape. Oh, how easily distracted I am. Right, back to the pad… Hopefully the is the week Erica gets the boot.
After the Roses
Post ceremony Erica begins plotting against David who thought he was doing what’s best for him. Apparently he’s never seen the backstabbing, in your face lying and fake emotions on the pad. Yeah David, honesty IS the best policy, but not at this address. Good one newbie, good one. He admits the fans are weaker than the alum who already have formed bonds. Um, ya think sweetie? Half of them have hooked up, and the other half is patiently waiting. You’re just the annoyance factor and the potential reason Roberto isn’t on the show – gotta say, I dislike you immediately if that’s the case. Twin-trouble starts to set in, but I can’t really tell why they are fighting other than one called the other a slut or something to that effect. It’s too high pitched for my ears to translate and even my dogs keep running out of the room in annoyance. OK, for real if I had to live with these two they would be smothered in their sleep, or at the very least gagged. You know it’s bad when Blakeley calls you Jerry Springer.
Chris realizes he needs to win the challenge because he has feelings for Jamie but is partnered with Blakeley whom he doesn’t want turning on him. Hey Chris, what happened to the broken heart that couldn’t be mended?? Did you find your repair kit in someone’s bed?
HA, seems all the pad-mates are a bit nervous for the competition today. The gymnastics event. I’m thinking the men are going to start planning their next lady-friends by how well they compete <wink, wink>. Oh, I love the worst performance is penalized with a photo in the box. Brilliant! The men will perform as one group then the women. Btw, the have 2 hours to learn their routine. David knows it’s do or die with this challenge to keep his ass in the competition with Erica after him… Lord knows what she’s capable of.
Oh stop, the men are asked to run like reindeer!! Seriously, this is too funny! It looks like the hula-hoops aren’t really the best prop for the men.
Sadly but not shockingly, the ladies aren’t doing much better with their ribbon performance. I love when bitchy people are brought down a peg by a challenge they can’t flirt their way through. Clearly Erica missed the memo that the men weren’t going to be around and there was no need for her to wear a dress and flash her striped panties (thankfully of the granny variety and not thong). Erica is worried because if she loses she thinks having to ask people to save her again is pushing her luck (fingers crossed my dear, fingers crossed). Meanwhile, seems our fan Donna is a former gymnast who is hoping for victory to score a date with Michael.
Speaking of Mikey, he’s clearly been practicing his ribbon work in the off season!
Oh, and just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… The costumes are revealed, and it’s leotards and unitards for the crew.
The ladies are up first and Jamie is hoping for a win to go on a birthday date. Seems the men’s outfits leave little to the imagination when it comes to packages, and there’s a teeny bit of struggle to keep the eyes up. Actually boys, for some of you a blessing, others… A curse. Not being mean here, just being Captain Obvious. Who could possibly judge such a competition you ask? Why Ashley and JP (who are clearly making the rounds possibly pushing for wedding coverage)!! The final judge is Tasha Sweigart, former Olympic medalist. Oh, I really wish the Winey Bitches were called upon to be judges!!
The ladies get into position first. Erica of course just jigs to her own music while the rest of the ladies just try not to get tangled in each other’s ribbons. That was just a whirl of pink ribbon and ponytails so I have no clue who could do what, but I’m banking on Blakeley our former (ah-hem) dancer and Donna the one time gymnast for the challenge rose.
Gents take the stage and grab their ribbons. No joke, Michael has been practicing. He’s getting the rose for sure! They finish the routine with jazz hands?! Who can hate a routine with jazz hands?? Not me. The men rocked their performance I must admit.
Worst Performance for the ladies is Erica (shocking) and the men is Ed for his lack of sassyness (hey, that’s Tasha’s word choice). A vote against each already going into elimination. Maybe this time David can stage his coup and earn a place in my heart for eternity.
Best Performance rose for the ladies goes to Blakeley (who is already planning to take Chris) and the men’s goes to Michael. They’ll both get to bring 3 people on their dates.
After the Challenge, Donna admits she’s interested in Michael, but has to work for his attention. Fan girl says outside of the pad she can have any guy she wants, but can’t quite get Mikey’s eye. Meanwhile Erica is seeking out Michael for a date invite to try to score a rose on the date. They’re tight, go way back and he’ll most definitely give her the rose to keep her safe. He tells her he has her back, but guess what, Michael isn’t thinking strategy this season. Seems our boy learned his lesson and is in it for the ladies and the hook up – oh sorry, a love connection. Rachel, Lindzi and Donna get the date with Michael. You know Erica is pissed. One more person to plot against.
Date Night 1 – Michael’s Night
Donna is trilled Michael picked her to go on a date (with 2 other women, but whatever) because she’s dreamed about it and gets butterflies when he’s around. What, are we back in 8th grade?? She’s going to try her hardest not to let the nerves take over so she can try to get him to notice her. The group date kicks off at a concert with Adelitas Way. Donna tries to make her move but Rachel seizes the opportunity to pounce and steal a dance, a smooch and hopefully the rose. Rachel confides that she was caught off guard by the kiss from Michael.
Michael declares he should have some one on one time with the ladies to get to know them and asks Rachel to “talk”. Listen, it was like a talk… They were using their mouths so… At her turn, Donna pulls out her sketchbook with Michael’s picture. He thinks it is so awesome and sweet so to thank her he decides to fulfill a little fantasy for her. To him, that is letting her make out with him. Love yourself much Mikey?? Sadly I looked up from typing as she was trying to Species him with her tongue.
Michael chooses Rachel to get the rose for the evening because they had the best connection. Sadly that hurts Donna a lot. I think she thought if she licked his face enough he’d ‘really’ like her back.
Meanwhile back at the pad, Ryan makes a birthday cake for his partner Jamie as well a covering her pillow with rose pedals and her bed with twizzlers and marshmallows. Now that is a man who can win my heart any day. Cake AND twizzlers?! Hell, if only he didn’t have that no booze rule… Well, and his v-tag. Jamie is worried Ryan might want a little more than friendship. Like what, hand holding? Say it isn’t so!! She is looking for a way out so she can hook up with Chris and switch partners. Ryan dashes her hopes saying Chris told him he was sticking with Blakeley.
Jamie takes Ryan’s story to Chris who swears his interest in Blakeley is not the same as hers for him. He would however like a kiss from Jamie. Naturally, he thinks since she has a crush on him he needs to keep both in play to keep in good standing with the girls in the house. Chris says it’s not him to sweet talk a girl if he doesn’t mean it, but it’s part of the game. Whatever Chris.
Chris then walks in on Blakeley and Ed talking and tells Blakeley he has no feelings for Jamie and is using her for leverage. Blakeley asks him to swear he has her back to which he of course agrees. To solidify the alliance, Chris will do whatever it takes to win, including hopping into bed with Blakeley and sell himself (hey, his words). Oh snap, Blakeley sleeps on the bottom bunk of the bed she shares with Jamie?? That’s an awkward bunk to climb into now isn’t it Jamie??
The Morning After
Jamie is spitting mad by morning having thought about Chris in Blakeley’s bed most of the night I’m sure. Chris confides he needs to stay on Blakeley’s good side since she’s got the date coming up and he wants to score a rose. In planning her date, Blakeley thinks she should invite David, but Chris doesn’t want him there because he came into “their house” and wants to run his own show. Um, hello pot calling the black! The date turns out to be soapbox car racing, and in his best Rico Suavé moment, Chris claims to name his car after Blakeley and himself so he can win 250K. “I’m gonna come back with 250K deep in my pocket and be like ‘hey bitches, you see this?’”. Oh guess who just shot WAY past Kalon on my annoyance meter! Too bad soapbox derby cars don’t have brake lines that can be cut. I would like you off the show now Chris.
Back at the casa, Erica is surprised David has gone so far in the game… You know, the whole second week into the competition. Please sweetie, we’re shocked YOU made it back for another season!!
Ed wins the soapbox car race, but Chris knows there’s no way David can get the rose away from him on the date because he is more powerful. OK, for real, you have got to go your royal vagisness. I let the no lip thing slide, but that douchetastic attitude of yours is tromping on my last nerve like a Budweiser Clydesdale! After the derby the crew heads to the Bachelor(ette) house, guess they didn’t have anywhere else to send them. Chris once again in an attempt to get some douche airtime claims he doesn’t know why David is there. Um, dumb ass, it’s because the producers wanted to F with you. Most of us are trying to figure out why you’re here Chris. David as a last ditch makes the emotional plea to Blakeley for safety claiming his vote will be hers. Meanwhile, Ed asks Chris if he’s interested in Blakeley and Chris flat out says no. But of course spins a lovely tale of we’re in this together to Blakeley. I don’t know why she buys his shit. Oh wait, because she’s as big a dumb ass as he is.
Back at the house the party kicks into full swing. I’m talking Sodom and Gamorrah activities. Sarah is the first to lose her top to jump in the pool then jump into bed with Ed. I kind of want to block out that whole 2 minutes of grainy night-vision footage, but let’s just say there was something going on under those sheets. The twins realize they need to build relationships but they can’t get past their codependent abusive dysfunctionality – yeah, I’m just splicing words for these two. I wanted them to go far just to piss everyone off, but this is out of hand. One twin wants to leave and the other doesn’t because she wants to spend time with David. Sadly I think all of the dogs in the area of the pad are sitting outside the house waiting for their commands. On a side note, why are these people camped out all over this house (sleeping in tent-ish things outside)? I don’t understand why there aren’t enough beds for everyone. Sorry, I digress. No joke here friends, after that scene with the twins, I have a slight headache forming.
Hair of the Dog Anyone?
We open with Kalon starting off the day with what I’m assuming he wants us to believe is a martini while musing how quiet the house is without the twins, which by the way changes everything. Since they are gone, that should mean no ladies will be voted off. David realizes it’s a huge impact to him, not only because he had a shot with one of the twins, but now he doesn’t have any backers in the ladies.
Erica worries now that the twins are gone that she’s on the block for getting voted off. I guess she hasn’t watched any other episodes to know that if someone leaves early they take the leaver spot and others are safe. Kalon recognizes the impact David staying in the house can be (read: annoy the hell out of Erica) and plants the seed with his lady Lindzi to take out Ryan who doesn’t “know his place in the house”. Wanting to impress her new man Lindzi pulls the ladies aside in an attempt to turn them.
Reid decides since he already dislikes Ed and he’s already got a vote against him to try to rally the troops to have his nemesis ousted instead of Ryan. Like lovely little lemmings the ladies start doing his bidding as well. However, in a moment of frustration for being left out of the plotting, Sarah decides to tell Ed she voted him off, then immediately feels guilty about her decision. Guess what girlie, if he stays he’s not going to touch you regardless of how long you went down on him last night (was that too much??), you might as well hope he does get sent home.
Who’s Out: the Twins and Ryan are bye-bye.
Bottom Line: Gotta say, no big shocks going on tonight, though mild disappointment Erica skated through again. What drink goes best with frustrated annoyance?