Hollywood Exes – Episode 5: Planned Parenthood

One Sentence Summary:  It’s date night for Mayte, hopefully no shade of purple will make its way to her ensemble.

My Thoughts:

It’s apology time once again as I find myself days behind with my share of the  blog.  Last week the ladies took off on what I’m going to lovingly call the Winey Bitch dream trip to Napa.  Clearly this week in an attempt to thank her for the amazing trip Nicole decides to fix Mayte up on a blind date.  Her first blind date ever.  Yeah, good luck to you on that one girlfriend!!  I don’t envy you, but maybe Nicole has a few options for you.

Workout Buddies and Sounding Boards

Nicole and Jessica get together for a run on Zuma beach.  Nicole thinks Jessica’s vagina has radar for me.  Jessica wishes Jose was there to talk to Josie about sex and it segues into the fact that Jose still hasn’t called his daughter to tell her he isn’t moving in with them.  Leaving it to Jessica to have to deliver the crushing news before Josie reads it on the internet.  Nicole says if it were her child she’d want them to hear the news from her so she could be there.

Baby Check In

Andrea’s friend is watching her children in Chicago while she’s looking for her dance space to start her career in LA.  It’s hard for her to be away from them, but she knows they are being taken care of while she tries to build a future and life for them.  I can’t imagine how stressful it must be, but thankfully they are with family  to alleviate Andrea’s nerves.

Nest Shopping

OK, for real, how many cars does Nicole have?  This is her second Mercedes THIS EPISODE!  Sheesh woman!  I say sheesh because I only have the car, and might be a little jelly bean over the 3 of hers I’ve seen so far.  Anywho, Nicole takes Bria her 22 year old daughter shopping for her new apartment.  Nicole asks how her modeling is going and she shares that she’s been enjoying acting more than the modeling.  Nicole tells he she may start modeling again as she’s been asked to do a shoot.  Oh, I didn’t realize Nicole started when she was 13.  She misses it and wants to get back even though she’s too “thick”.  Woman, I’d kill to be that “thick”.

When a Talk Turns to THE Talk

Jessica and Josie are off on a bike ride (up some nightmarish looking hills – clearly that’s how she stays in such fantastic shape) while Jessica secretly hopes Jose has called his daughter to break the news.  He hasn’t called, so of course Josie doesn’t know about his not moving in.  In a “tear off the bandage” moment Jessica decides to blurt out he’s going to Boston.  Poor girl just admitted she’s used to “it” and that she doesn’t have a say in it.  Ugh, if I was Jessica I’d be pissed!!  Josie thinks the reason he isn’t coming back is because Jessica said he couldn’t be with her.  Jessica worries he doesn’t show his love to Josie she is so young and needs a male figure in her life.  Unfortunately, she might be latching on to her boyfriend.  OH snap, Josie drops the I heard of this place called planned parenthood that you don’t need parents to go in and can ask about sex and birth control.  Jessica tells her she wants her to wait until she’s in love and give it more time because you never know.  Ugh, that’s a nightmare of a conversation to have.

Flawless is Right

And just then one WIney Bitch knew she would have to hate Nicole for no reason other than looking so amazing in this dress.

Holy plethora of cars Nicole, what do you just have side door keys to the local Mercedes dealership?  I digress, she’s off to Vegas for a Camille Flawless photo shoot.  Nicole is nervous since she hasn’t modeled in 15 years.  Um, woman, you’re are stun-ning.  DAYUM woman, your body is kicking in that awesome dress.  Again, I’d kill to be “thick” like you.  Yes my dear, you do got it going on now.  Sadly, now I’m torn with wanting to head straight to the garage to work out because I want a body like that or just drowning my sorrows in some Oreos.

Dancing Dilema

This ain’t your mamma’s step ball change class.

Andrea’s first Master class at Millennium Dance Studio has her nervous for the turn out.  Only a few students are a show but she refuses to let her disappointment show and just goes on with it.  Mayte gets into it and starts with moves she didn’t even know she could do.  Hang on, isn’t she a dancer?  I mean isn’t that how she met His Purple Badness?  She thinks it was a good class, but needs something to get more people in.

Ladies Night

At Bouchon, the ladies get together for dinner and Jessica shares her conversation with Josie and the planned parenthood trip she took.  Nicole shares how open her relationship is with her daughter, and that she’s had to explain orgasms to her daughter.  She’s glad she talked so openly with all her kids to make sure they are safe when it comes to sex.  Nicole decides she’s going to set Mayte up on a date which causes her to stress about what to wear, what to do.  Andrea reminds Nicole she could use some help in the fixing up department.  She’s tried to date but it doesn’t ever work because of who she was married to.  Nicole agrees it is difficult to date because men feel they need to compete with her ex.  Sheree shares that she can’t ever get away from her ex because he’s on the television no matter where she goes.  Nicole’s man Michael is comfortable with her ex – um, no offense Nicole he’s Michael F-ing Strahan, I’m thinking if anyone in the world can be comfortable it’s him!  Plus I adore Michael.  As a side note, I love that the ladies try to get together for dinner often.

Date Prep

Jessica heads to Mayte’s to help her get ready for her blind date and help calm her nerves – you know what calms my nerves?  A glass of wine!  None of that tea business, that’s for when you’re sick.  She worries about saying “I have 5 dogs, my mother lives with me, and oh by the way, I was married to Prince and engaged to Tommy Lee”.  OK, I can see where some people might think that’s a little over the top, at least the last two.  They finally settle on a date look that isn’t too sexy, but sexy, and a little covered up, but still a little revealing.  I couldn’t keep up with it, but I can’t wait to see this outfit all together.

Just Tomatoes

Careful how you squeeze those tomatoes Drea, it might scare a few off.

Sheree and Andrea hit the Farmer’s Market for a little flirting.  Um, maybe it’s me, but the only flirting I do at the farmers market is with my bacon lady to make sure I say on her good side and get my jowl bacon and bacon burgers.  Andrea is unfortunately shot down by a man who insists he’s only looking for tomatoes – say what now?  This is fantastic hitting on men at the Farmer’s Market – only Drea can pull that awesomeness off.  Hmmm, could there be a little something in Drea’s future?  I mean if that’s how it’s done I think more ladies are going to start hitting the Farmer’s Markets pretty damn soon.

Date Night

Mayte meets up with her blind date Gary.  I feel you girl, after all that drama of what to wear and he’s in a hoodie?  Though, truth be told some men can rock a white hoodie (yeah, I’m talking to you Channing Tatum).  Let’s see what’s he’s got.  I have to wonder how Nicole knows this guy as well as why she thought he would be a good date for Mayte.  Well, at least she got that out of the way right?

Flashback to Prince

We’ll pretend we don’t see you sniffing the shirt.

Back at Mayte’s place Nicole, Andrea and Sheree show up to debrief the date with Mama.  Wait, so you can’t eat on a date unless there’s no connection?  Maybe I’ve been out of the game too long, but when did it become inappropriate to eat on a date?  Wait a minute, maybe that’s what I was doing wrong all those years.  Hey, I like food and I like to eat, any man who is going to like me is going to like the fact I’m not a “I’ll just have a salad” girl.  Sheree asks her first thought when she saw him and well, they share a chuckle.  Nicole isn’t giving up on Mayte though.  Like I said, first blind date jitters are done.  Sheree thinks the china has to go if she’s going to bring any man over.  She admits in addition to the china she has some of Prince’s clothes.  Having said she doesn’t want to make him mad getting rid of it, Mama Nelly lets it out that she doesn’t care about making “him” mad.  She’d dump it all on the internet.  Mama tells the ladies as a person she’d like to squash him with her shoe.  Damn Mama Nelly!!  Mayte pulls out the clothes for a little fashion show for the ladies.  OK, for real is there anything Nicole DOESN’T look good in?  Oh no Sheree, you didn’t just smell the shirt?!  Sheree thinks Mayte is still holding onto the china and clothes because she’s not ready to let go yet.  Who knows, maybe she’s waiting for the right time to drop them on ebay.

Bottom Line:  At least Mayte got that first blind date thing over, now maybe she can find a nice guy Mama approves of.


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