One Sentence Summary: The OC women freeze down a room with the insults and accusations, which are the perfect accompaniment to their frozen faces.
Rachel: OK, I need to make this short because it’s too painful to relive this insanity with an in-depth recap of this nonsense. So, I’m just going to give you my birds-eye view of the reunion. Well, that’s what I’m saying now. Let’s see how long before I’m into a 2000 word rant.
First things first… What in the hell did Tamra do to her face? Seriously, I thought last year’s reunion was the epitome of Botox gone wrong until I saw her tonight. She looks older with the frozen & pinched face than she does when it’s more… uh, relaxed. Girl, you need to back away from the ‘Tox. Your face is so tight that you can barely turn your head. You were looking so great this season! And is it just me or are Heather’s eyebrows about a foot higher than where they were during the season. Guess she’s now only 95% real… though I think she just might be in a constant state of shock over what is going on around her. Hard to tell… So let me keep watching…
Oh and the fact that Gretchen & Tamra are in orane & red and Alexis & Vicki are in pink & white is not lost on me… Devils vs Angels anyone?
OK, wait when did Alexis become British? Yes, the Brits pronounce things differently, but that’s because they are, in fact, British. You, my dear, from what I can gather are from Missouri. So, I’m still not convinced that you have a valid rationale for why you pronounce Katie Couric like the Keurig coffee machine.
So, right away Heather lays into Alexis for all the crap she said about her throughout the season. Anyone else think she was chomping at the bit to get that off her chest? I honestly thought she was going to get up, say “OK, I’m good.” and leave after that. It was like she released about 50 pounds of pressure. I even feel more relaxed now, though I’m pretty sure it’s the wine.
Now the subject of Tamra’s meanness. Where does one start with this? She says she’s always had that mouth as if it exonerates her from any responsibility for hurting people. Now, I’m a big proponent of honesty. But I’m also a big proponent of tact & kindness. You can be tough on someone if you see they’re in trouble, but you can also do it without being insulting and doing the “everyone says so” routine. Tamra has not learned this. Now, I’m not the hugest fan of Vicki and I think her boyfriend is all the bad things everyone says he is, BUT I think how he has been treated by Tamra & Vicki’s daughter has been disgusting. So, the fact that Vicki says she’s sad about the state of their friendship, during a conversation about Tamra’s mouth, and she doesn’t clue in that this is where she should apologize, I think she’ll probably never learn. Oh well… What’s next?
Gretchen & Tamra… And this would be a good time for Vicki to admit she is jealous of their relationship. Well, that’s not going to happen either since she brings it back to Brooks. See Tamra, had you said you’re sorry for your mouth, you might have gotten an apology back for the jealousy. Quid pro quo, Clarice. I love that these women can’t ever answer a question head on.
So now it’s Tamra’s fault that you don’t want her to have more than one friend? That you can’t share your time? And yes, that’s what it really comes down to. I also think it’s “s”, as Andy called it, that Vicki blames Tamra for her once upon a time not liking Alexis. You’re a grown ass woman. You didn’t like Alexis because you didn’t like her. And here’s some advice that’s not “s”. If you admit that it’s not Tamra’s fault you didn’t like Alexis, you can’t turn around in the same breath and say it is Tamra’s fault because she influenced you. That doesn’t make any sense on any planet… Oh wait, I guess it makes sense on Planet Housewife. Then again, on that planet, getting enough plastic surgery on your face to render you unrecognizable makes sense too. OK, moving on.
Aw Lawd, Brooks-isms. How can Vicki watch that and not have cheese oozing out of her pores? But she is fine with him saying those things because it’s nice to finally have nice things said to her. OK, when you it put it that way, I guess I get it. Still think he could tone down the Velveeta. And whoever wrote in and asked why shouldn’t she pay Donn spousal support is an idiot. Yep, I said it. And it’s so ridiculous that he even asked. Wait, how can Vicki even sit there and say that she didn’t say things about Slade that she excuses about Brooks? She’s in mad denial. She was on a campaign to smear Slade’s name putting almost as much energy into that as she did into her insurance agency. Not a whole lot of self-reflection in this room.
Ok so a bird flew in… But you know what strikes me most about that segment? That on every Bravo show they do a :60 segment that we’re supposed to think is some kind of fun bonus, when it’s really just to pack more commercials into the broadcast. I don’t need your pithy little edit every week as the meat in the 5:00 commercial sandwich, thank you.
Oh boy… Costa Rica and the phony accusation heard ’round the world. Look, I’m never going to defend Tamra’s behavior at that dinner & at the lunch in Cali, but Alexis still doesn’t get it. She just doesn’t get that there might be some truth in what the ladies are saying. But I suppose your message can get lost when you swaddle it in 10 pounds of nastiness. And she just full-on called Tamra old… Tee hee. You know she’s now dying to run out of there and get more Restylane. Wait, wait, wait, Gretchen told her that this was coming? Oh come on. So, you knew it was coming and you’re walking around like you were blindsided? Now I’m even more annoyed by Alexis. Again, the machine-gun approach was not cool but the innocent little victim routine just got played out. And to sit there and say that because Vicki said “Bring it on” is why you did the same thing to her in SF so it’s not your fault is bananas… This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Thank you Gwen Stefani, that will never stop playing in my head ever.
Whoa, Heather just outed Alexis for treating the crew like crap. And no one is denying it but her. OK, let’s pretend for a moment that I believe it (which I do) and that it is in fact true (which it is). That is the kind of behavior that I have exactly zero patience for. You know the snapping at the waiter, talking down to the help, holier than thou fancy pants monied attitude that is hard to escape in this materialistic world of our. It’s everywhere and it’s unacceptable. I have no tolerance for it. At all. Nada. What you have in your pocket has exactly zero bearing on what you have in your heart and your soul. So, now
I’m officially done with Alexis.
By the way, tried to find the Nordstrom Facebook page Tamra said housed tales of employee woe after encountering the Bellinos. Can’t find it. I’m kinda thinking it never did exist… or did for about a minute until someone at Nordies saw it. Anyone been able to locate it?
OK, Jesus Jugs wasn’t as funny as Jesus Barbie. Sorry Tamra, try again. And I just have to laugh that Alexis proves that everyone likes Jim by saying that everyone who likes Jim is going to his birthday party in Napa. It’s really not fair to pit her against these women. It’s like putting a novice chess player across the table from Bobby Fisher. She has a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning.
Just sitting here shaking my head… Alexis you did not just throw the fact that you’re flying in a private jet to Napa in the women’s faces. Honey, hate to tell you, but it’s checkmate to the other couch. You just proved every point they were trying to make. Genius.
Well, that’s all we get until the second half. So much for my short & sweet. I guess these women just inspire me to rant…