One Sentence Summary: The fall-out from the “ambush” of Teresa… Please ladies, don’t cave to the screech.
Rachel: Dear Lord, I am so freaking over this season of this show and we’re only at the beginning. I literally cannot stand looking at or hearing Teresa and her insane babble. She has lost her last grasp on reality. Really. She talks and it’s like a stream of insanity. It actually aggravates me to watch this nonsense. I’m not sure a glass of wine is enough to get me through. I might have to up the ante to bourbon. I had an amazing bourbon drink last week that had a bacon-infused agave nectar in it. Perhaps now would be a good time too see if I can make my own home version. I mean you can’t go wrong with bacon right? Yes, I’m aware that I’m creating the perfect storm for a coronary, but I think they have Bravo in the hospital so it’s all good. Here we go!
Melissa: Apologies, this week’s delay is all on me. I’ve spent a deliciously long weekend in Tennessee and have completely disconnected from everything that wasn’t alcohol or deep fried. It was so wonderful I almost forgot about Teresa’s nonsense. Ah, what a blissful 5 days!! Anywho, we’re back to the wonderful fall-out from the “distance” conversation with Teresa last week.
Melissa’s What Happened: It’s the “day after” the deck battle with Teresa. It seems all the Laurita / Manzo clan has circled their wagons to debrief the event. Jacqueline couldn’t get out of bed not being able to handle what happened with Teresa. Chris explains that in her way Jacqueline just put all Teresa’s sh*t on the front lawn and closing her out. Chris shares his hurt being a good friend to the Giudices and doesn’t want to put Jacqueline in any uncomfortable positions with the Napa trip. Chris says wants to honor the open invitation. I’m assuming because he just has fun watching the insanity from afar, cocktail in hand. We’ll have to watch this space to see who goes and who doesn’t.
Rachel: OK, generally I hate when men call women emotional. It’s such a cop-out and a way to dismiss what a woman is angry/hurt/disappointed about. But… Chris is right in this case. We definitely take our friendships way more seriously and way more personally than men do. Granted, everyone’s different, but I think, in general, he’s right. I know I’m a lot like Jacqueline. I will be your best friend through thick and thin, walk hot coals for you, whatever you need. You prove yourself disloyal and we’re done. We all do dumb stuff and hurt our friends without meaning to. That’s life. And it’s forgivable. But when it comes to loyalty, that’s my non-negotiable. If you purposely go out of your way to do something to harm me, we’re done. So, I’m all kinds of Team Jacqueline right now. Maybe with a little less self-pity, but I’m still getting the shirt made right now. Teresa is only out for herself and she’ll take down anyone she has to in order to get what she wants… attention and money. She checked her soul at the door and has lost her mind. I hope Bravo provides therapy services for those daughters of hers down the road. They’re so going to need it. Gia’s one more magazine cover away from Lindsay Lohan. Oh and Chris, I think you definitely need to disinvite the Guidices.
Cry Me A River
Melissa’s What Happened: For the Love of all things great and small, Jacqueline is having a closed door breakdown over the loss of Teresa’s friendship. You have to move on woman, she’s horribly unhealthy for you.
Rachel: Cry it out girl. Cry it out and move on. Seriously, you just made your life 1000% better.
Playing the Victim:
Melissa’s What Happened: Joe checks in with Teresa (thankfully with a shirt on) for her side of what went down the night before. She’s disappointed after it all and went running to Dina’s house after (say what now??). She can’t believe Jacqueline would question the articles and if they are true or not. Well, let’s all just go on a limb here and assume Teresa is feeding the gossip journals to get a little extra coin in her pocket. Joe thinks since they mind their business when it comes to everyone else, they should stay out of hers. Loosely translated, this means they really don’t give a fig about anyone else enough to ask about them. He suggests she find new friends and since she has him she can move on. Well, that is until he has to do anything with his in-laws, then she can support herself and he’ll sit at home. Teresa tells him (now that she has no friends) he needs to support her at Melissa’s song party. He doesn’t want to hear any more about it and wants her to move on. Now that she’s lost her friends she’s decided she needs to double back and fix things with her brother.
Rachel: Oh no you didn’t Teresa. You did not go running to their sister’s house. And shame on Dina for getting involved. Wait, Teresa is mad because Jacqueline asked her about something that’s printed in a magazine? Isn’t that what you do in a friendship…. Well, not that my life is in a magazine… But if I saw something horrible printed about my best friends, you’re damn skippy I’d be on the horn asking them what’s going on. You don’t get it both ways, Teresa. You don’t get to blab to the press and live your life in public for money and then insist on privacy. Sorry, that’s part of the deal. You put your private life on blast and you deal with what comes back at you. And it sure doesn’t help that Joe just keeps picking at the scab. He’s about the least respectful person on the planet. I don’t wish harm on anyone because it’s bad karma, but… Oh so now that you don’t have Jacqueline and Caroline, you are interested in keeping your family together? Nice.
Out of the Blue Friendship:
Melissa’s What Happened: Really Kathy with the Farmer Fred hat? Oh, of course it’s Teresa, rounding up whomever she can to join her “side”. Naturally Kathy is happy to go along with the breakfast or lunch invite that Teresa will let her know about later on… You know, when hell freezes over. Oh, so they actually had their lunch. Could this be a more awkward arrival? Teresa tries to woo her over saying she’s never had a problem with her and doesn’t understand why Kathy has such problems with her. She shares the story with Kathy about the whole “I don’t have any friends anymore”. Wisely Kathy sees Teresa’s new found love for what it actually is.
Rachel: Oh Kathy, please tell me you don’t think Teresa is just calling you out of the goodness of her heart. She’s desperate and scrambling to recruit people back to Team Teresa. Here goes her play to make Kathy feel badly for her. Such easy prey. I’m shocked that Kathy catches on so quickly that she’s being used. Go on with your bad self, Kathy. Step cautiously though, you’re the big fat piece of sirloin in the lion’s den now. I know you want to believe that she’s hit bottom and is rehabbing herself, but I’d say start with baby steps. Teeny tiny baby steps.
Back On Display:
Melissa’s What Happened: Joe doesn’t understand why Melissa needs to put make-up on to call Ryan Seacrest. Well Joe, I think we’re all wondering that one, but methinks it’s because the cameras will be rolling for the call. Oh, I do love that little Joey just cocked his dad upside the head! Thanks little man, I’ll drop a twenty in the mail to you. She’s launching On Display on his show. Color me confused, I thought we were done with this? Didn’t we have a launch party last season? I swear, if I wake up singing this at 3am someone is going to get it.
Rachel: Wait, we’re back to “On Display”? Come on! I just finally got it out of my head! Great, now I’m going to be walking around singing that all day again. And while I am not in love with Joe Gorga and his incessant sex talk, I do think they’re a pretty great family. There. I said something nice tonight. I knew I could do it!
Melissa’s What Happened: Joe can’t find any of the koi in his pond. Um, it might be that crane hanging out there in the back… Or the stork as Teresa called it – no comment. Teresa tells Joe she wants to go to therapy with her brother, even though it goes against her family values. Joe doesn’t think it will help since his last therapy session was when he was 11 and his school suggested it. Oh, so much insight right there. Teresa broke down to tell her parents about the therapy session, but still thinks it will help them communicate, and help Joe with his issues. Joe gives his blessing on for therapy though he doesn’t see Joe as her brother any more, he’s her sister. Way to be supportive Joe you Neanderthal.
Rachel: WTF is Teresa wearing? Wow, did her husband just say he’s embarrassed for his wife because she wants to go to therapy and heal her family? He is truly one of the biggest douchebags in the history of douchebaggery. I also find humor in the fact that Teresa thinks the therapist is going to tell Joe he’s the one that’s at fault. Yeah, that’s how therapy works. Good luck with that.
Negativity in Twiterverse:
Melissa’s What Happened: Melissa is not enjoying the negative criticism on twitter over her song. Shocking!! Joe thinks all the negative people need to get jobs and move on. Oh of course Teresa is loving that people dislike Melissa’s song. She thinks it’s going to be hard seeing Jacqueline, but she needs to focus on her family and not the friends.
Rachel: LOL… Joe says you have to be a loser if you post negative things on the Internet about people. Umm… Uhhh… I guess i should have an “L” shirt made up for me along with my Team Jacqueline shirt because I guess I am a loser in Joe Gorga’s eyes. Oh how will I ever go on now.
Melissa’s What Happened: Finally a Rosie appearance!! Let me clarify, a drunk Rosie appearance. The Manzo boys arrive and wonder what’s with this party since didn’t they host her single release party? Um, yes they did… At least there was an On Display party and Melissa sang her little pop-star wannabe heart out for the Bravo audience. Kathy, Caroline and Jackie share a not so quiet chat about the whole argument with Teresa and whether Kathy was going to confront Teresa about the magazine quotes. Kathy still always the peacekeeper hopes things can eventually work out. As Teresa blows past Jacqueline it gets to her all over again – shocking. Teresa pulls her brother aside to talk about wanting to go to therapy with him. Joe clearly can’t see through her change of heart, then again I don’t know if he’s aware everyone else is cutting her off. Teresa hope the therapist helps Joe with his problem, since he’s the only one with the problem. Though considering what we saw last week, I’m thinking she has some anger management issues to work through.
OH, it’s a remix of On Display!! I guess that’s what you do, put out a song and then remix it later. Jacqueline feels like she needs to talk to Teresa and essentially nags Chris until he tells her to go and talk to Teresa. I’m calling it will end badly, with Jacqueline crying and Teresa telling her she isn’t a good friend. (Side Bar: OMG, I love the Manzo Boys dub of the Teresa / Jacqueline conversation.) Teresa thinks Jacqueline deserves to be punched in the face for trying to call her out on flipping the conversation around to make Jacqueline the bad guy and Teresa the victim. Chris starts to circle behind the conversation worried about Jacqueline. What I don’t understand is how Jacqueline can catch Teresa in lie after lie and still be upset by all this. Cut the line, let it go, it’s not worth it!! Teresa thinks Caroline put something into Jacqueline’s head. The ladies decide they don’t know where their relationship is. As Melissa tries to intervene Teresa tries to spin the story for her defense and Jacqueline tries to input and gets dismissed by Teresa to a lovely F**k you from Miss Jacqueline. Now if only she keeps that backbone. Jacqueline tells Chris she finally gets why everyone hates Teresa and has no interest in a friendship with Teresa, that she’s not a good person. Melissa tries to clear the air with Teresa on why she talked to Danielle and you can see this is going no better than the conversation with Teresa and Jacqueline. In an attempt to get Jacqueline to smile, Kathy’s friend Heather drunkenly convinces Jacqueline she doesn’t need any of the drama or to take on everyone’s problems. Melissa wants to be able to spend time with Teresa when it’s not a family obligation. Rosie decides everyone needs to get back to basics and love each other. Teresa tries to hold fast to her claim that she hasn’t changed and everyone else around her has.
Rachel: Yeah, I’m with you Chris. I thought we had the release party too. Oh wait, this is the remix release party. Clearly, very different things. I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write now because I feel like I’m starting sound like a broken record, but every time Teresa opens her mouth I want to throttle her. She’s such a manipulator. I think she’s so pathological that she actually believes the things coming out of her mouth.
OK, this is the part of Jacqueline that drives me crazy. Don’t roll up on Teresa in the middle of this party and give her that kind of power. She won’t hear you. She’s not going to give you an inch. You’re fighting with a narcissist. She can’t comprehend that she has any culpability in this situation or any situation for that matter. Let her go to therapy, see if that miracle worker can get through and THEN try to talk to her. Right now, you are talking to a brick wall. Wait, Teresa, Jacqueline deserved to be punched in the face? Are you for real? You are a lost cause. And now Chris is rationalizing with Joe. This is officially the biggest waste of air in history. So much energy is wasted talking about Teresa and dealing with Teresa and trying to get through to Teresa, it’s insane. If they all just stopped – literally just stopped in every way – she’d go away and find someone else’s to blood suck. But they keep giving her what she wants, attention. Stop. Just stop. Please just stop.
And shame on Melissa for even walking over and engaging in the middle of her own party. What did you think was going to happen? But Teresa backs down because she is trying to make peace with her brother. Otherwise, it would have been a scene. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Rachel: I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the rest of this season, though I am dying to watch this therapy session go down.
Melissa: Oh yeah, it’s all love and light to end the night. Let’s see if it lasts through the first 5 minutes of therapy, I’m putting all my money on the big fat NO.