One Sentence Summary: If at first you don’t succeed at getting an invite to London, try, try and try again.
Rachel: Here we are in Manhattan again… So soon? I’m wondering how we got back here so quickly. I mean has it really been a whole week already? I’m still coughing like it’s my job, so I don’t really think it’s fair that I’m still sick, while the Housewives have just gone on about their business as if nothing else is happening in the world. Granted, they’ve been going about their business for a good 6 months now, but I like to pretend this is all happening in real time right before my eyes. I have no reason for it… I think the cold medicine is getting to me. This might be why they say not to take for more than 7 days… Um… Anyway, speaking of going about their business, my partner-in-sass, Melissa, is having a Country Strong moment down in Nashville with some friends so I’m holding down the fort on my own tonight. That’s right, just me and my cold-medicine-induced rantings. Aren’t you lucky?
Rachel: Ooh, not breaking me in gently tonight. Starting right of with Ramona at lunch with Carole & Aviva. I assume this is Ramona’s attempt at winning over the ladies to her team and sabotaging Heather for not giving her the London invite. I mean she did bring them samples of her skin care line. That’ll win a lady over. But it seems that Heather has invited Ramona to drinks so perhaps this is just a preemptive strike. You know, in case things don’t go her way, she has already laid the ground work for her sure-to-follow anti-Heather campaign. Oh yeah, she’s ready. At the mention of Heather’s name, Carole says that she talks a lot and Ramona almost jumps across the table to make sure that gets counted as a point for her side. Carole, realizing she’s been tagged, tries to change it to Heather talks almost as much as Ramona. Ha. Nice try, but Ramona won’t let it go. She needs both ladies on the record agreeing with her. So, I take it the “new & improved Ramona” just does her conniving with a smile instead of a sledgehammer. Carole does tell us in her interview that she felt like it was a little bit of a case of Ramona Knows Best. Always, dear. Always. But the ladies think maybe they should do a talking intervention with Heather. Yeah, those always go well. I suggest watching RHOC in Costa Rica before you decide to do an intervention by committee.
And because Aviva just has to stir the pot, she brings up the fact that Heather had her assistant respond to an invitation that she & Carole sent instead of doing it personally. Angelina Jolie would have responded personally. STFU, Aviva. First off, I promise you that Angelina Jolie doesn’t even read her own email so don’t go down that road. Second of all, when you’re slammed busy with work, you don’t always have time to respond to your friends’ emails in a timely manner as much as you’d like. So, perhaps it was just her being polite and not wanting to forget to rsvp or keep you waiting. It’s not like she responded to an email about one of your phobias via assistant. It was lunch. And is it really a huge enough deal to make a stink about? No, you just wanted to get in on the “ooh, let’s talk about Heather” party. Oh, I’m annoyed. For the record, Ramona just admitted that she is hoping drinks go well and that she get an invite to London. Duh.
Oh look, Sonja is cheating on Ramona with LuAnn. I guess she has enough of Ramona’s skin care products. So, if I’m going to lay into Ramona for playing the game of “Whose side are you on” then I’ll have to lay into LuAnn too for doing the same by trying to make Sonja feel like Ramona is the boss of her. Sonja agrees that Ramona is a bit controlling of her, but she makes her own decisions. But LuAnn keeps pushing the envelope because she wants Sonja to know that Ramona isn’t good for her and that she’s jealous of their friendship. I guess things are tough for LuAnn now that she doesn’t have Jill and … Uh, Jill… on her team anymore. I will give Sonja credit though that she is honest about her feelings about Ramona, but also defends her friendship for what it is. Besides, nobody puts Sonja in a corner.
My New BFF
We meet Carole and her buddy Tripp, who lives in her building and takes care of her. They head over to see the Wall St protests. She says that one person’s mob is another person’s democracy. Love it. Love smart women. She tells us that she’s been out of the journalism game for a while and seeing this makes her long to be back in that world. Her friend says that he thinks she’d walk right into trouble out in the world. She says she’s been to scarier dinners on the Upper East Side than in Kandahar. Yeah, I’m full on girl crushing on Carole. I want her to be my friend. I do. I really really do. I know I felt the same way about Cindy at first last year, but this is different. It is!
Note: All commentary from here on out will most likely be fully biased in Carole’s favor. Well, not that my other commentary isn’t biased as well. This is just rare positive commentary from me so I felt like I had to disclaim it.
Ask Me! Why Won’t You Ask Me!?!?
Here we go with Heather & Ramona. Ramona tells us that she assumes – first mistake – that when they start getting along, Heather will invite her to London. My goodness woman, are you that desperate to be included that you are going to fake a friendship to get an invite? Rhetorical question. Heather is looking to see if Ramona’s apology the other night was sincere. Save yourself the effort. It wasn’t. But we’re here and Ramona is on a tear talking about how she uses inappropriate words sometimes and how hearing about Heather’s son brought up memories of her daughter being blue… Wait, who was the one that talks too much?
Ramona then asks Heather about an invitation she sent for an award dinner in her honor. Heather says she must not have gotten it and looks truly perplexed. Ramona tells her that she said her assistant would get back to her and never did. Heather continues to look perplexed. Hmm… How interesting that suddenly Ramona has an “assistant email” situation with Heather just hours after Aviva brought it up. What a coincidence indeed. I’m calling shenanigans. Heather feels put on the spot and like she’s on eggshells with Ramona. This is also why she’s not inviting Ramona to London. Plan officially backfires. Ramona can’t understand why she won’t discuss it and I think she might burst into flames any moment. Uh, she won’t discuss it, because you’re not invited and it’s not your business. Someone out there please explain to me why women – and it really is only women – get mad if they’re not invited to everything? Can’t you just invite a friend or two to something without the expectation that the entire group will be invited? Why do you have to travel as a posse? It’s not high school…
And The Invitation List Thickens
LuAnn & Heather go to an art showing for a friend of LuAnn’s. Heather brings up London to LuAnn and offers her an invite. OK, now it’s only Ramona not being invited… Now it’s exclusionary. And yet, I still don’t feel like she’s obligated to invite her. Heather tells LuAnn that she didn’t invite Ramona because she doesn’t think Ramona likes her… And she’s not wrong. LuAnn calls this “Gangster Chic”. Really? Gangster Chic? I missed this trend. Do tell us more, Countess, or are you saving that for your next book: Gangster Chic with the Countess: How to Live with Ghetto Fabulousness and Flair. But what’s more glaring than Ramona not getting invited is LuAnn’s elation at someone else not liking Miss Pinot Grigio. It has her giggling like a school girl. I thought for a second she was going to start jumping up and down. Reel it in lady. Your bad manners are showing.
Sonja has breakfast served to her in bed by her intern, Elizabeth, whom Sonja tells us is not an Exectuive Assistant, nor a chef, nor a nanny. No, she is another one of Sonja’s friends’ children who have been sent to her to teach them the ways of Manhattan upper society. This is amazing! She has figured out a way to work around the child labor and anti-slavery laws! How does a woman this genius end up bankrupt? Damned if I’m not asking my girlfriends tomorrow if they would like to have their kids learn the ways of the Florida non-society. They may not learn about Manhattan, but they certainly will know how to mix one before they leave. I like mine with an extra cherry, for the record.
On today’s agenda, deciding whether or not Sonja should change her voicemail message to say that people should text her and not leave a voicemail. I suppose after this they’ll try and solve the issues of the Middle East. All in a days work.
The Whole World’s A Trap
Heather & Aviva meet downtown to go to a rooftop party. No way! She’s going to go to the roof without Reid! But first, Heather has to hold her hand in the elevator because, you guessed it, when she was a child her leg was stuck in a machine so she has a fear of being stuck and holding hands will prevent that from happening. Obviously. Heather wonders how that will translate to an airplane. Yeah, how about that. Should be a good time. But it looks like it might not be a problem since Aviva tells Heather that she has a lot of issues with traveling and Reid is really her security blanket, which makes her too anxious to make the trip. Shaking my head. I know, I know… Lots of women don’t like to travel without their spouses. And I appreciate that. Sort of. But Aviva still drives me crazy. I just don’t do well with needy women. I don’t. And she is needy with a capital codependent. Sorry, not my cup of tea.
Heather is very understanding and promises to be her rock the next time they have a planned trip. And because things are going swimmingly, Aviva brings up Ramona. Ah Lawd, woman. Aviva says she knows they aren’t getting along. Heather says that’s it not so much not getting along, it’s that, for whatever reason, she feels like Ramona’s target. She’s ok with it because they don’t need to have a major connection. Not everyone needs to like each other. She also recognizes that she talks a lot. She gets it. Aviva hears this and wants to speak her mind on the subject… Oh wait, no…. blow sunshine up Heather’s ass because suddenly Heather’s incessant talking is OK because she only has nice things to say. Uh, not what you said earlier. Growl…
It’s Your Party And I’ll Yell If I Want To
As Sonja gets ready to celebrate her cover of Social Life Magazine, she realizes that no one has fed her dog because it’s the weekend and she has no help. Someone please call the ASPCA immediately. Seriously, there are 3 people in that room and one is sitting on her ass. Feed the dog! And dear God, does that also mean that dog hasn’t left the house all weekend either? I have a feeling that “intern” is going to be learning how the other half clean dog crap off a Turkish rug. But the dog – and the intern – will have to wait because Sonja’s party comes first.
The party is getting started when Mario opens his big mouth to Reid about the wedding band that Aviva is buying. The one that Aviva clearly hasn’t told her husband about quite yet. Whoops. Aviva tells us that she’ll have to remember this the next time she wants to tell Ramona a secret. Uh oh, look like Ramona might have a defector from her team.
On the other side of the room, LuAnn is playing “Name A Royal” with Carole and dropping the Borghese name all over the floor. Carole calls it Royal Tourettes Syndrome. Another gem. Ah yes, my love affair continues.
Meanwhile, Ramona is still trying to force the London invitation with Heather. Man, she’s relentless. She invites Heather to another event that I’m pretty sure she made up on the spot. Seems she’s going to be making a red wine and is going to host some event around that. She doesn’t finish a thought ever so I have no idea what kind of an event. I don’t thinks she knows either. What I do know is that she might not invite the men so Heather doesn’t feel badly if her husband can’t make it. Say what? Heather says she wouldn’t feel badly. But wait, you’re not getting the point Heather! Ramona is being passive-aggressive about inviting people so you are subtly jostled into realizing you should invite her to London. And if it weren’t clear enough, Ramona then says that sometimes women don’t invite other women if their husbands can’t join them. But not Ramona. No, she made sure Heather was invited to her dinner party because she never leaves anyone out. Never. Yeah, we get it. Heather gets it. The whole party gets it. And the fact that Heather just smiled and held her ground through the entire blatant play for an invite gives her one more check on my cool list. I’m starting to like this chick. Now it’s a grudge match and Heather isn’t going to be run over by Ramona. Hee hee… this is kinda fun to watch. Ramona is shocked her “subtlety” didn’t work with Heather and think it’s because she doesn’t listen. Oh she heard you loud & clear, darling. She’s just not playing your game. Aviva tells Ramona that she should just come out and ask her why she wasn’t invited and suggests that maybe she did something to offend Heather. Ramona says no way, no how. She is not wrong. She’s never wrong. And the crazy eyes are back. Nothing good can come from this. Aviva looks scared. I don’t blame her.
And off Hurricane Ramona goes to confront Sonja about the London trip. Yes, confront Sonja, not Heather. That makes sense. She’s ranting about how she wasn’t invited and that Heather should have sent an email to her about the reason she wasn’t invited. Yeah, that would have gone over well. Sonja says maybe there are only 4 room. Well, then they could have shared a room. They shared a room in Morocco. Ramona wants to know if Sonja is going without her. Sonja says that she goes on a lot of trips without her. Sometimes she’s invited and sometimes other people are invited instead. Oh that’s far too rational, Sonja.
And here it comes… Ramona accuses her of being too politically nice and now she’s mad at her. Sonja says it’s Heather’s trip and she can invite whomever she likes. I agree. Ramona, not so much. Sonja is not supporting her and has disappointed her as a friend. Hmmm, perhaps you’ve disappointed Sonja as a friend for going off on her in the middle of her party about something that could have waited until the morning. But no, you’re mad and you won’t face the person you’re mad at so you take it out on Sonja. I think you might have this situation backwards, my friend. Sonja thinks Ramona’s attack is out of line. Aviva also agrees that it’s disrespectful, especially given that it’s Sonja’s big night. Sonja tells her that it’s not between she & Ramona. It’s between she & Heather. Needless to say, Ramona disagrees and off she goes to find Mario. Sonja tells us that she is a grown-up and she gets to make her own decisions. Amen, sister. Now someone tell Ramona.
Ramona demands that she & Mario leave immediately. He’s not ready to go and wants to know what’s going on. She tells him and Mario is on Sonja’s side in this argument. He says it’s not Sonja’s trip and let her go if she wants to go. Brave man. Then Ramona calls Sonja an airhead and says she’s not acknowledging her feelings. Again, Mario can’t understand why, if she’s an airhead, Ramona gets so upset if she doesn’t always come down on her side. I would like to hug Mario right now. Meanwhile, Aviva is telling Sonja that it’s because Ramona & Heather are having a little rub, which Sonja says she didn’t know. Ramona returns to the party, hears Sonja say she didn’t know and says that’s not true. There’s no rub. So much for trying to be understanding. And off Ramona goes in a huff yet again. Aviva thinks it was ridiculous for her to leave in a childish temper tantrum. Welcome to Ramona, Aviva. Welcome.
And we’re not done yet. Heather tells Aviva & Carole that she felt the dart Ramona threw at her. So, Aviva tells her about the fight she just witnessed between her & Sonja. Carole thinks Heather should call Ramona and let her tell her that she’s hurt. Heather says “again?” I mean really. Heather doesn’t have the issue. Ramona does. It’s on Ramona to be the grown up and confront it or let it go. It’s not Heather’s job to chase her down every other week to find out how she’s feeling. As Heather puts it, it’s bullshit. Agreed. Sonja joins the convo and she says that what happened was not a fight. It was just Ramona putting all her feelings out there & her explaining that not everyone is invited to everything. She doesn’t think that they won’t speak, though they did go three years after a fight over a sample sale dress. Nice. Heather says that Ramona has accused her of being insincere and disingenuous, and inviting her on this trip just because she wants an invite would be exactly that… insincere and disingenuous. Indeed.
Rachel: Oh we haven’t heard the last of Londongate. That is for sure. But what really fascinates is me is why Ramona still wants to go on a trip she so clearly isn’t wanted on. And I’d like to bring up the trip she took where she invited everyone but Jill – you know Scary Island. My girl defended that decision to the hilt… She even threw Jill out when she showed up unannounced. Amazing how the tables have turned…