Nothing says “safe” like an in-home do-it-yourself neck traction system:
Rachel: “Hey honey, I’m going to go into the kitchen and do a little neck therapy! No need to worry. It’s totally safe. What could possibly go wrong with medical equipment I bought from an airline shopping magazine?”
Call me crazy, but methinks that hanging a rope from your pantry door and wrapping it around your neck in order to stretch your vertebrae is a really really bad idea. Monumentally bad. Like Cop Rock bad. But if you do insist on doing this, it would probably be a good idea to wear a Life Alert necklace. You know, just in case you ratchet that system one click too far. But then I’m not sure how well it would work when you’re on the floor paralyzed from the neck down. Look, there are just certain things that should be left to trained professionals…. Things like heart surgery, bikini waxing (don’t get me started on the Nads system), and neck traction therapy. If paying for a chiropractor is an issue, I can promise you there’s a Groupon available right now for a $19 consultation with your local office. Bet it also includes a massage. Bonus! Just please don’t do this in your home. Unsupervised. In that chair. What is up with that no-back-having chair?
And while I have your attention… Is it just me or does this conjure up thoughts of Michael Hutchence and David Carradine? I’m just sayin…
You can buy this for real at SkyMall.com, but you’ve been warned.