One Sentence Summary: Throwing a party in the OC is never a piece of cake.
Rachel: 18 down and 2 to go. It’s time to start saying good-bye to the OC Housewvies. OK, not good-bye. See you later. And it looks like we’re going to get to say it with some major drama. Ah, I hope it’s as delicious as Heather’s sophisticated Name Changing party cake. Seeing as how there’s the Costa Rica tension, Tamra-Vicki tension, Sarah-Heather-cake tension, Vicki-Briana tension and an appearance by Jeana Kehoe, we’re pretty much guaranteed Olympic sized drama. This should be good. (And yes, I’m wringing my hands together in anticipation.)
We start the night off with a celebration for Tamra’s engagement. She, Heather & Gretchen are getting together to share in the good news. Seems Vicki isn’t attending the party since she’s not returning Tamra’s calls. Ah, that woman is so petty & bitter. Heather & Tamra are worried that Gretchen will be sad at the news since she & Slade have been having issues around said marriage subject. So, Tamra breaks her in gently by showing her a photo album of her trip. When they get to the proposal part, Gretchen is nothing but excited for her. And everyone’s happy. For a moment… since we know happiness in the OC can only last so long. What was the buzz kill? What it always is: Vicki. Gretchen wants to know why she’s not there and Tamra says it’s because she said something about Brooks. Well, there is that. Gretchen is impressed that Tamra isn’t scared to just hop back on the marriage bus. Tamra says she’s a girl that is always moves forward. Keep on going. Hmmm… I like that. I probably could spend less time looking in the rear view… especially because I keep almost driving off the road.
Also not invited to the engagement party – Alexis. She’s having dinner with Sarah, whom I thought was Gretchen’s friend. I guess she’s taking Gretchen’s place since she abandoned Alexis for Tamra. Of course, Alexis tells Sarah about Costa Rica and how they all told her she was phony. Sarah says she doesn’t understand why they have to always gang up instead of having one-on-one conversations. It’s a fabulous point, but one that is lost in any Housewife scenario. It’s all mob mentality, all the time. And because they all said it at one time, she doesn’t believe it’s true. She’s not phony and all her friends that she called told her so. Like they’d tell you differently. Thankfully, Alexis has figured out the problem. She is so nice that they mistake it for phoniness. Yeah, that’s not it. But you go with it. And there it is… Gretchen threw her under the bus and Vicki got her back. She’s delusional. Vicki’s comments were way ruder then Gretchen’s. Anyway, Alexis mentions Heather’s party and Sarah goes on a tirade about how much Botox Heather has in her face. Uh, do you see who you’re sitting across the table from? There’s nothing on your friend’s face that’s real. Nothing. But thankfully Sarah’s such a great friend, she agrees to go to Heather’s party with Alexis. Yeah, I believe that’s called jockeying for air time. Your saint card isn’t ready to be laminated. Sorry.
Time for the big event! Heather is loving the flowers and I have to agree that they’re pretty awesome. She’ll be doing a champagne toast with a diamond in the glasses…. and one of them is real. Damn, I want to come to her parties! Then we see the cake. The $550 cake. Yeah, I’m with Heather. For that kind of money, you could have gotten a way better cake. She should have called Taylor and asked for her baker’s name. Granted, those cakes cost $2k, but methinks Heather can afford it.
Vicki is getting ready for the party and Brooks shows up with a gift for her… a fur. How 1984 Dynasty of you. And because he can afford a fur, he’s clearly not broke. Yes, because there’s no such thing as credit cards. But the big issue today is that Vicki is going to see Brianna for the first time since their big fight. Wait, you haven’t seen your kid since that fight how many weeks ago? Come on, Vicki, you’re the adult. Grow up.
Tamra & Eddie head over to the party and it turns out that Vicki got the news that they were engaged. It also turns out that she had the nerve to tell her they’re moving too fast even though they’ve been together for two years. Boy, that Vicki really has zero self-awareness. And even if they are moving fast, who are you to say it? Not that Tamra is going to win any crowns for being supportive of Vicki & Brooks. How about this. Everyone just focus on their own relationships and not worry about anyone else’s.
Oh, it’s the limo parade. Now we’re in Alexis & Sarah’s limo and we’re still talking about Costa Rica. And again, Alexis tells us again that she doesn’t pay any mind to what the ladies have to say about her. Then stop talking about it!
Now, Slade & Gretchen… She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to Alexis because she’s hurt too. And the conversation goes round and round from limo to limo. Hey, can we just not bring up Costa Rica and let Heather have her party. If you have an issue still Alexis, you shouldn’t be going to her party. Period.
Terry is nervous that Alexis is going to confront him. Heather says that would be wildly inappropriate. Alexis says it’s not her place to go up to Terry and confront him. Sarah says she’ll say something. Oh Lord, if it’s not someone’s place, it’s REALLY not your place. Apparently, Jim & Terry are going to go to lunch at some point, so there’s no need to call anyone out at this party. Yeah… Good luck.
And here we go… Tamra shows up without her ring because tonight is about Heather and she doesn’t want to steal her thunder. Well, there’s a rare show of humility and kindness. Let’s enjoy it before it all comes crashing down. Boy there’s a lot of fur happening here. I’m shocked PETA hasn’t rolled up on one of these parties yet with buckets of red paint. Heather is just thrilled when Sarah walks in uninvited wearing “Vegas stripper” gear. Ha, that’s so spot on. And for the record, the view and the house and the party are all spectacular. If there are any single plastic surgeons out there, I’m available. If you look like McSteamy, that would be a plus. Vicki shows up and is telling everyone that her new REAL fur coat was a gift from Brooks. Yeah, we all get it. And why is Slade dressed like the Secret Service? I have to give points to Gretchen & Slade for bringing a gift of champagne glasses monogrammed with a D. Classy move. Briana shows up and it’s, in a word, awkward. That doesn’t stop Vicki from taking happy family pictures and dropping the “Brooks bought me a mink” on her daughter.
Meanwhile, Alexis takes Sarah to the bathroom and tells her to take the drinking down a notch. Good luck. There’s a tornado waiting to happen. And what’s better than one potential tornado? Two. That’s right, Jeana just showed up as guests of Gretchen & Slade. Uh, way to solidify that friendship with Tamra. Why on earth would she invited Jeana? Her daughter looks amazing though.
As a joke, Kara (Jeana’s daughter) puts on a raincoat to protect her new dress from drink throwing. Then she says she’s going to avenge her mother. Oh girl, please say you’re kidding. Please. You’re not really that tacky are you? Tamra
approaches her to talk and she promises not to throw anything. They discuss what happened at Vicki’s party. Tamra says she asked nicely for her mom to stop talking about her and she didn’t. She admits she was wrong to throw a drink. Jeana shows up and the conversation actually goes really well. Hey, a conversation with rational talking, no screaming, aside from the rest of the party… It’s an Orange County miracle! It even ends with hugging. I am in shock. Utter shock. Wait, did this really happen or did I have too much cold medicine?
Sadly, the peace can only last so long. Heather’s friend saw Sarah pull the bow off of Heather’s cake and eat it. Now that’s straight ghetto tacky. That girl is such a pig. No-class-having pig. I mean yes, it’s just a cake, but it’s horribly rude. Vicki, Tamra, Heather & Terry confront Sarah about her bow-eating ways. Terry is trying to be gentle about it, which is cute. Fruitless but cute. Sarah says she
has a sugar problem and that’s why she ate it. LOL… Really? There’s a house full of food and you already found the kitchen once. Try again. Alexis steps in and tries to defend Sarah. Not a smart move. And Vicki nails it. You don’t have a sugar problem, you have an alcohol problem. And I’d like to add “and a class problem.” Sarah apologizes and then calls Heather fake & pretentious. Good job, Sarah. Well done. The drama keeps going and going until Heather says to go quiet yourself down and start over. I would have told her to leave. Sarah stumbles off and Alexis continues to defend her behavior. Oh Alexis, stop. Save it for your own fights. You know you have more coming since Costa Rica isn’t close to being over for you.
But we’ll have to wait until next week to watch the real meltdown happen… Oh poor Heather, all she wanted was a happy little naming party.
Bottom Line: Oh that Sarah is just horrible. Can we just be done with her and her trashy drunken antics? Pretty please with a fondant bow on top?