One Sentence Summary: The tides are about to turn on Teresa, someone get Caroline a bag of popcorn to watch it finally happen.
Rachel: Sorry, I missed the fun last week. I was so behind after a family weekend and something had to give. So, the Jersey ladies were the ones that had to get cut from the repertoire. But I have to say that I don’t feel like I missed that much seeing as how it took me three times to watch the episode because I kept falling asleep. I guess when there’s no screaming, I lose focus. Well, pretty much being awake is cause enough for me to lose focus. Anywho, I’m back and ready for Caroline and Teresa to face off. My money’s on Caroline. Anyone want to take that bet? Anyone?
Melissa: Hopefully this week Teresa gets her comeuppance from Caroline and the other ladies. It’s a wonder she doesn’t get a nose bleed from that pedestal she likes to sit on.
When ‘doing bankruptcy’ it’s best to build anew… Garage that is
Melissa’s What Happened: Construction takes place at Teresa’s while she marvels in her confessional how sexy she finds her husband. She likens her yard to a junk yard and Joe tells her it should be about a week for Joe to build a garage to store his tools and machinery. He’s putting a chandelier in his car port? Yes, that’s money well invested. With craziness like that you’re going to run yourselves into bankruptcy… Oh wait, that’s right, you already have. Teresa is convinced just because you “do” bankruptcy it doesn’t mean you have to crawl and die in a hole. I’m not really sure what that means, and I’m also not sure that frogs actually give warts. Man she’s s stump.
Rachel: This show would be about 1000% more enjoyable if we never had to see Joe Giudice. Seriously, we’ve seen more of him this season than in the previous 3 seasons combined. I really think the producers are completely screwing with us. As if Teresa’s OOC behavior isn’t enough, we have to deal with her outrageously irritating and ignoramous of a husband as well? And who keep backhoes at their home? And who puts a chandelier in a car port? And maybe he should be working on getting a job… Just a thought. But it’s all good since Teresa’s never going to be poor. She’s a hard worker and “doing bankruptcy” isn’t going to stop her. So, bankruptcy – not an issue. Frogs, on the other hand, are an issue because they give you warts. She really is the smartest girl in the world.
Melissa’s What Happened: Joe meets with his architect at his latest project who tells him he’s working for Joe and Teresa installing their carport like Joe and Melissa as well as a garage to put Joe and Teresa’s parents in. That’s not going to sit well with Gorga. It seems Joe Gorga owed his parents house but sold it and is now attempting to find them a small ranch to live in. Makes since to put them in something that doesn’t have stairs.
Rachel: Oh so here we go again with the compare/contrast scenes of the two Joes – A Tale of Two Joes if you will. But I love the fact that the architect is telling Joe that his sister is copying him. You know he cannot wait to call his wife. And isn’t Joe Guidice doing the whole project “on his own”? Meanwhile, who puts their parents above a garage if they can’t walk steps? Oh right, Teresa.
Next time it’s a real Nutritionist
Melissa’s What Happened: At lunch with Caroline, Lauren shares that she’s leaving behind the Dermatologist recommended diet for healthier eating – bravo my dear!! She thinks maybe it’s just something for her to complain about. Caroline thinks she’s a food addict but doesn’t want to tell her what she thinks will happen if she’s not dieting. That’s a little harsh there Caroline. She has to be the one to make the decisions and help herself. Well, that and she needs to stop comparing herself to her brothers and their lives. I don’t think “Daddy will get you a lap band” is a solution either, but we all know I love Albert and he can do no wrong. Caroline tells her she’s not a failure for quitting the diet after only losing a few pounds, she’s just a chunk-a-monk. OK, you know I loves me some Caroline, but come on!! That’s a bit mean don’t you think? You already know she has body image issues and you’re going to throw that at her? Anyway, at least she’s decided against the fake diet from the guy who makes my skin care.
Rachel: Yay, Lauren! I love hearing that you are just going to eat healthy and enjoy your life. That’s so much smarter. I mean I hope you’re actually going to eat healthy… Regardless, I’m so glad you’re done with that ridiculous diet. And maybe go to a real nutritionist that you can work with on both the mental and physical aspects. Just a thought. I also want to shake you when you talk about yourself in relation to your brothers. Just do you. Don’t worry about them. You’ll be so much happier when you do. You have it good, sister. You really do. You know how many people out there that want to be adopted by your family? I know I do and my family rocks! I’m just trying to butter both sides of my bread. Wait, does that mean what I think it means?
Same old tricks, new audience
Melissa’s What Happened: Ashlee has a skype with Ashlee’s father Matt, who questions what she’s been telling Jacqueline about his time there. Seems Daddy is finally understanding a little of the Ashlee lifestyle of up all night and sleeping all day. He’s getting a little burned out by her behavior as well. Jacqueline’s solution to the conversation is to add a little Bailey’s to her cup of coffee. I can’t really fault that, I have to drink to get through a Housewives episode too. Ashlee threatened she doesn’t need anyone and still wants to move to Cali. Jacqueline wants to hold her ground with Ashlee and not tell her to come back. Stand firm Jacqueline, STAND FIRM!!
Rachel: How does Jacqueline still buy anything that comes out of Ashlee’s mouth? Seriously. There are some people in this world that just cannot get a grip on reality or the truth. Trust me. Unfortunately, her daughter is one of them. And she does need to learn some lessons the hard way. Stop bailing her out of the messes she makes. She’s never going to change if she keeps landing in a safety net every time she decides to jump off a cliff just for shits and giggles.
Melissa’s What Happened: The Manzo kids (and Greg) are held up in the apartment and none of them want to do anything because of the rain but lie about and maybe eat. The boys go to town on pizza while Lauren tries to eat healthy and have what seems to be the meat lover’s salad (huh??). Here’s what I don’t understand, Lauren is comparing herself to how skinny her brothers are? I’m sorry, but Christopher has packed on the pounds over the last season or so. While Lauren tries to teach herself to eat healthy she tells us “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” which I may have to pull out my soapbox on that one. This poor girl is suffering and it kills me. There is an awesome avenue of being healthy which is a much better option in my opinion. Have small portions of the bad things and larger portions of healthy choices if you have to, but starving yourself isn’t an answer.
Rachel: Yeah, clearly that healthy eating is going to be in baby steps.
Another (sob) story
Melissa’s What Happened: While Jacqueline is stressed out over the tension of Ashlee she comes to find an article about Teresa and possibly facing jail time. She worries about the kids if Joe and Teresa are sent to jail. In my opinion, those kids could stand some time away from their parents. Sorry, I digress, Chris tries to make her feel better saying a judge would have them do their time separately.
Rachel: Oh look! Another Teresa article about her being a bad person. I’m sure this is all lies too, right T? And a judge won’t throw them both in jail at the same time, but he/she could make them take turns. A guy I went to high school with was convicted along with his wife of being part of a real estate scam (lovely) and they are taking turns in jail because they have kids. Granted, Teresa’s kids might actually be better off with neither parent, but that’s not for me to say… even though I just said it.
Negotiations of “Doing bankruptcy”
Melissa’s What Happened: Joe and Teresa meet with their lawyer to discuss the bankruptcy matter to a conclusion because they signed a joint petition, but the resolution will be a separate matter with Joe having one of his major issues settled (without trial) and on his way to conclusion. They are attempting to settle Teresa’s side, but the offer that was made to settle her debt was denied. Teresa thinks this bankruptcy is a test from God in life. No Teresa, Cancer is a test from God. You just spent too much money then refused to pay your bills. Teresa points out what a good friend she thinks Jacqueline is because she’ll move a conversation along when people bring up the bankruptcy. Joe wants to move forward and not think about the past like it never happened.
Rachel: And how is this a test from God, Teresa? You spent more than you made and you tried to get out of paying for it! That’s on you. That’s not on God. Then again, that’s not for me to say either… even though I just said it again.
With friends like Teresa…
Melissa’s What Happened: Back at Jacqueline’s she doesn’t understand why Teresa won’t tell her what’s going on and fill her in on things so she doesn’t have to read about them in the magazines. She worries that Teresa doesn’t act like anything is wrong. She wonders if she’s profiting from people’s pity or really hurting but not admitting it. I’m going to go with ‘a’ on that one, she’ll profit however she can. Jacqueline tells Chris how Teresa puts articles in the press for money to pay off the bankruptcy issues, yet building a new garage and carport with a chandelier and new closet and redoing the wine room. Chris tells her that while they’re always there for them and offered to buy all of their things to give back to them. He thinks Jacqueline she should tell Teresa she’s worried about her and wants to help. I really don’t get why Jacqueline is so obsessed with helping Teresa.
Rachel: Wait, Chris offered to buy all their auction items? Now, that’s a good friend. And that is a good friend that is going to be thrilled that he didn’t actually go through with it after what we all know goes down between them.
Melissa’s What Happened: At the house with her sisters Melissa attempt to hula hoop while waiting for Kathy to arrive. Kathy arrives to tell Melissa about the latest magazine with Teresa risking jail time as well. Kathy still is trying to keep on Teresa’s positive side and wants to help her… While completely ignores her and Melissa powders her nose. Nice Melissa, you just scored some points with me. Melissa thinks Kathy should try taking everything up with Teresa (instead of nagging her about it). Melissa doesn’t care about the articles because she knows Teresa is feeding all the stories to make money – and right you are my dear girl.
Rachel: So hula hooping happened. Can’t un-see that. Oh Kathy, stop trying to be Teresa’s friend. She doesn’t want to hear from you and she’s not going to accept anything from you, so move along little doggie.
Melissa’s What Happened: Meanwhile at Jacqueline’s Teresa shows up filled with compliments and love. Jacqueline wants to talk to her because she’s upset and worried because she’s always felt like a friend and stayed by her with all the bankruptcy stuff when everyone else was turning on them. When Jacqueline has a problem she confides in her friends, but is upset because Teresa doesn’t confide anything in Jacqueline and shares the latest article. She wants to know what are lies and what is true. Teresa actually tells her she’d be happy to give Jacqueline her lawyer’s number for a statement. Are you for real woman?? Teresa says there’s nothing going on, and she’s not going to jail. She’s not worried about anything and not suffering because she didn’t do anything. Jacqueline asks that once she files bankruptcy they can’t touch any money she makes after, like the money she is spending on the new garage with the apartment above it and the closet and new furniture (‘no closet’ clarifies Teresa). Teresa claims now she’s not selling articles to the press, and Jacqueline isn’t sure if she can be friends with someone who isn’t honest with her. Teresa doesn’t think it’s any of Jacqueline’s business and she’s a little upset she’s asking about it. Chris shares that Teresa never seems to ask about Ashlee and it’s all about Teresa.
Rachel: Why is Jacqueline crying about this? I mean I get that she’s frustrated that Teresa isn’t telling her anything. And I get that she’s worried that her friend is in trouble. But the crying bit is a little… much. Let’s cut to the chase, your friend is lying to your face and she couldn’t tell you the truth if she tried because she is so deluded and in denial. And when someone’s story keeps changing over and over – she gets paid for interviews, she doesn’t get paid for interviews – it’s because they’ve told so many lies that they can’t keep them straight. So, they try and make you feel stupid & crazy because they don’t want to be faced with having to tell the truth. Your friend is selfish and manipulative. Cut her out of your life like a cancer.
Showdown part 2
Melissa’s What Happened: As the sun sets on the housewives, Teresa still challenges Jacqueline and thinks something is up with her that she’s going psycho about everything. She’s like Heckle and Jive. Wait, are you trying to correlate Jacqueline’s behavior or to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or is she starting a new dance craze based on the jive? Such confusion when I try to make sense out of her comments. Personally I don’t get why Jacqueline even cares. Teresa was tweeting with Danielle (Staub) which conflicts with her accusations against everyone else’s loyalty. Teresa’s story is that Danielle tweeted Teresa, and it’s not sneaky at all. Jacqueline things Teresa is using Danielle to expose Melissa to everyone. Teresa finally starts to lose her grip and Jacqueline finally seems to grow a backbone and a big old waving finger telling Teresa she claims she’s moved on yet dragging up things to set Melissa up. At the question of why are they so bitter then Teresa loses all control and replies (arms waiving frantically) “freeking jealousy, why do you think?”. She’s not ready to move forward because she can’t move on. Sweet Mary that was the best face ever on Teresa as she hears Caroline come out to the deck asking why they are screaming. The story is Caroline brought by the baby’s close Jacqueline forgot at her house. I think Chris got on the phone and called her to come over to mediate. Teresa feels ambushed, and tries to defend herself again that she doesn’t sell the stories to the tabloids, but Caroline reminds her that she told them in Chicago she had articles coming out. And here we go, Caroline asks about the comments about her and that Teresa doesn’t have the courage to face her on anything she’s said or done. Teresa defends herself saying it wasn’t the time at the wedding. Caroline tells her the way Teresa treats her and their friendship, to her there is no friendship. Teresa says she’d never say anything to insult Caroline or her family, but Caroline sees through it all and knows better. Finally it’s all coming out! Teresa accuses Caroline of turning on her after one comment in a cookbook, as Caroline repeats over an over that it’s more than that and she knows it. Caroline thinks she can’t be anything more than cordial to Teresa, and Jacqueline doesn’t want to fight with her and for her health she’s going to distance herself from Teresa and her family. Teresa thinks she’s going through a friendship divorce and didn’t expect her to turn on her. Well Teresa, there’s only but so much a person can take of you, I give her credit for lasting this long. If it were me, your foolishness would have been shown the door 2 seasons ago.
Rachel: Heckle and Jive? Really, Teresa? Jaqueline is like Heckle & Jive? Is that the warm-up team for Siegfried & Roy? A morning radio show? I’m confused.
Wait, now Teresa is tweeting with Danielle? I guess when you have nowhere else to go… And I love the “she tweeted me first” response. Does that mean you have to reply? Oh but it’s about Teresa and not Jacqueline so it’s not a betrayal. OK, there’s a lot of screaming going on and it’s really hurting my head.
The look on Teresa’s face when Caroline walks in is priceless. Hold on, I think I have to rewind that and watch again. Ha, yep, priceless. Now, it’s on. Now, two people are telling you that you said you get paid for articles and yet everyone is still lying. Fascinating. And we’re back to the cookbook. Can we let it go now? And what did I just say about lying… Thank you for backing me up, Caroline. I love that Caroline is calling Teresa out for everything. Too bad Teresa is too deluded to hear any of it. Why waste your time? You can fight with a narcissist.
Rachel: Oh that Teresa is one crazy bitch. It’s sad though to watch friendships end. Shouldn’t happen if both people are open with each other, but not everyone behaves like a grown-up. Oh well, the casualties are piling up around Teresa. She’s going to end up being very lonely.
Melissa: That was painful, but I’m happy to see Jacqueline finally found her spine and stood up to Teresa and her lies-o-plenty.