Real Housewives of New Jersey: Drowning Pool

One Sentence Summary:  The fallout of the Solstice Party and even more of Teresa behaving badly.

I can’t believe anyone would say Melissa is a younger, prettier, better me… she’s not, She’s Not, SHE’S NOT!!

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Everyone ready for the fall-out from the Solstice party?  I’m sure we’ll get to hear about it over and over.  I find it amusing that anyone is still bothering to try and rationalize with Teresa.  She’s a nut job.  You can’t have rational conversation with a nut.  I’ve tried.  It’s very defeating and a complete waste of breath.  Yeah, I definitely think I’m Team Anyone But Teresa this season.  I’m even starting to like Kathy.  Last season I just found her annoying, but she seems like she has a good head on her shoulders.  And I like her family dynamic.  They seem like one of the few functional families on realty television.

Melissa:  <sigh> Another week of Teresa’s out of control ego and lack of self awareness while everyone else dances around her.  I swear, I would almost be willing to start a petition to bring crazy Danielle back at this point if it meant we’d see less of the Giudice clan.  Personally I wish to GOD Melissa would have cracked her right in the face at the Solstice party, or at the very least knocked her down… Into mud, that would have been funny.

And then… 

At least Albert thinks Teresa is as crazy as I do – that’s why I love him.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Both Kathy and Caroline take some car time to share the details of the Solstice Party from hell with Rich and Albert… Much to their sheer looks fo bewilderment and “who does that?”.  Caroline thinks Teresa’s issue with Melissa is that she’s a younger, better version of Teresa… AMEN sista!  I think we all called that one.  Rich is over Teresa but Kathy still wants to understand what she’s going through.  Um, wait, didn’t she attack you all last season and now you want to defend?  Albert doesn’t want to choose sides and stay completely out of it – wise man Albert, no wonder you spend so much time at work.  We know you’re just hiding upstairs so you don’t have to deal with crazy.  Kathy still wants to be the peacemaker even after Rich’s bizarre arm cancer analogy.  Wait Kathy, you want to invite Teresa for a party?  Are you kidding me?  You are insane.

Rachel:  It still baffles me that Teresa actually is delusional enough to think a) that her comment to her brother was not inappropriate and b) that he wouldn’t tell Melissa.  His loyalty is to his wife.  Sorry, Teresa, you don’t come first with him.  But that’s the issue isn’t it?  Caroline is so right.  Melissa IS a better younger version of Teresa.  OK, Kathy I was just singing your praises and now you’re sitting here defending Teresa.   You’re an idiot.  She is a nasty person.  A nasty person with a low IQ… Very lethal combination.  Sorry people, if I have a prejudice in life, it’s stupid people who think they’re smart.  Textbook Teresa.  I literally cannot stand the sight of her anymore.  Rich compares Teresa to cancer.  Ha, that’s not far from the truth.  And I also agree with him about not caring that Teresa is family.  It’s such a lame excuse when people excuse bad behavior by saying “But they’re family.”  Personally, I think being family means your behavior should be better and more respectful, not worse.  Ah well, we always hurt the ones we love, no?

Two sides to every story

If I flex the whole time I talk people with think I’m super tough

Melissa’s What Happened:  Apparently we have to start any opening scene at the Giudice home out with Joe working out.  Did he put it into his contract or something?  Maybe because he got hit by Rich he has to prove he’s a tough guy?  I don’t understand Bravo… It’s not like it’s Mauricio who we’d happily sit through an entire season of his workouts.  Wait, and we have to hear about his bowel movements?  Come on Joe, please for the love of all things Holy just say you have to go to the bathroom… I don’t need to know these things.  Really.  Wait, Teresa, did you just call it a Solsist party?  Man, I replayed that and yes, your impeccable command of the English language strikes again.  Really Joe, Horsey face?  How old are you?  Teresa’s side of the story is that she was trying to be nice and Melissa stormed up to her.  Sheesh woman, you weren’t trying to be all nice.  You are evil, spiteful and so lacking in self-confidence you have to attack any and everything you can in hopes is puts a better light on you.

Rachel:  OH COME ON!  Seriously, I’ve had enough of Joe Giudice working out.  And then you add a special treat to the mix when we have to hear that he’s going to take a dump?  OK, we get the joke.  It’s not funny.  Let’s move along.  And Teresa needs to release her frustration from the “Solsist” party.  See, say what you want about my comment above, but she’s an idiot.  And these two are delusional… Melissa is a horse face?  And Teresa was trying to be nice to her?  And if Melissa is a gold digger, what does that make Joe?  Isn’t he living off his wife’s money?  And somehow Joe Guidice thinks this is about him?  INSANE!!!  I want to lock these two in a padded soundproof room.

Dueling Tales

Oh, while we’re playing catch, your sister is eviil

Melissa’s What Happened:  Meanwhile while Melissa plays a little catch in the yard with her Joe she sees a good opportunity to bring up the party and share her side.  Joe Giudice tries to support Teresa by telling her he knows so many guys who went with her and that makes her a gold-digger.  Teresa thinks Joe telling Melissa things makes him a pansy.  Does anyone else understand what that contraption is that Joe Giudice is on and why??  Teresa decides she’s not going to tell her brother anything anymore.  Melissa is also ready to move on but let’s see if she can.  Joe thinks Caroline has nothing good to say and tells her not to worry about “the bitches”, Teresa has the powerhouse right there in him… Yeah, that and a 5 spot will get you a latte at Starbucks sweetie.

Rachel:  OK, question… And yes I know that scenes are manipulated for us viewers… But don’t you think the first thing Melissa would tell her husband when she woke up in the morning is that she & Teresa got into a fight last night?  I love that we’re supposed to believe that the normal thing to do is spend half the day in hair & make-up then tell your partner the news of your life.  Anywho, Melissa tells Joe what happened at the “Solsist” party.  He says talking to her is like talking to a wall.  I would agree.  There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to have a conversation/argument with someone that plays the “shuck & jive” game with the truth.  Trust me.

Friendship and Loyalties

I wish I could tell Teresa she’s a gigantic pain in the ass and I can’t stand being with her for more than 3 minutes… wonder if my trainer will share her wine.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Teresa stops by Jacqueline’s to work out but first Jac needs to clear the air about Teresa putting her on the spot at the party.  Oh, it’s a conversation about loyalties… Friends versus Family.  Teresa thinks everyone should have loyalties for her.  I’m so confused with who is friends with who now and/or why they aren’t.  Jacqueline is very pissed at Teresa, but will let it slide because anything else is immature and stupid.  Again with the awesome backbone Jacqueline, no wonder you get walked on constantly.  THANK GOD the trainer arrives so I don’t have to be subjected to that horrible any more.  Hang on, the trainer is traveling with booze?  Kathy calls mid workout to invite to the party as the trainer makes odd faces at the conversation she’s overhearing.  Man, these ladies are cray-cray.

Rachel:  Oh boy, I can’t wait to hear how this is Jacqueline’s fault.   Yep, it’s a loyalty game and everyone is supposed to be loyal to Teresa but she doesn’t have to be loyal back.  Makes sense.  Teresa gets caught so she moves into save mode with the whole “Let me save this friendship” mode since Jacqueline is the only one of the crew she has left.  Well, and Kathy… But she doesn’t like Kathy so that’s not a comfort.  You know since she looks like a frog and her husband is a geek.  And BTW, is Teresa really working out in a strapless top?  And you gotta love that their trainer is pounding crap wine at 10am.


How cute is my whole family planning this surprise on me?

Melissa’s What Happened:  WOW, the Manzo boys are shopping for Jags?  Who is picking up that tab?  I’m happy to hear at least Caroline finds the idea odd, unless blk has taken off and I’m just not aware.  Oh, it’s an anniversary present from Albert?  How awesome is that??  I love you Albert.  Take notes husband!!  Crap, my anniversary just passed, and crap he took me to Harbour Island.  OK… Next year then.

Rachel:  Chris is shopping for a Jag… How much Black water are they selling?  That’s a shit ton of water (actual measurement).  Mom thinks they’re ridiculous.  I love that she hasn’t been completely deluded by being on TV to think that a 24-year-old should drive an $80k car.  Wait, it’s for her!  Awwwww… It’s an anniversary gift.  How much do we love this family???

The No-Show Party

Ugh, why did I invite Teresa?

Melissa’s What Happened:  At the end of the school year party no one is showing up… At least not the kids’ friends.  HA, because Rich told them to all play along, but not invite any friends so they aren’t completely embarrassed by Teresa during the party.  OMG Rich, you are a GENIUS!!  Jacqueline can’t make it because she can’t find a sitter, and Caroline as well can’t make it because well, she’s busy.  Personally if I were them, I’d bail too.  I barely want to watch a scene with Teresa let alone be subject to not having a fast forward option.

Rachel:  Why are no kids showing up for their party?  Ahhh…. Daddy put the word out that they shouldn’t be seen with Teresa.  LOL… OK, I’m starting to love Rich.  That’s hysterical.  The Manzos & the Lauritas also seem to not want to be seen in the same room as the Giudices.  Can you blame them?  I know Kathy’s a great cook but nothing spoils an appetite like Joe Giudice in a bathing suit… Well, Joe Giudice period.

Ashlee Time – VEGAS BABY!!

Vegas is fantastic, I get home at 6am and don’t have anyone telling me I can’t… I should have done this when I was 16!

Melissa’s What Happened:  Jacqueline calls her sister in law to check in on Ashlee and how she’s progressing in Vegas.  I’m going to say fantastic… She’s really applying what she’s learned in school… Math: like counting to 21 at the card tables, Art: doctoring a new fake ID, Science: how to plan out her night of drinking so she doesn’t get sick and pass out too early in the night.  Jacqueline is starting to miss Ashlee, but she’s worried she’ll start to slip into her old routine.  Ashlee will then spend some time in Texas with her father and family.  Jacqueline claims she’s not coming back home until she has a plan of what she’s going to do.

Rachel:  Wait, Ashlee is going to bed at like 6am?  Sounds like this has been a great plan.  This girl is never changing until she’s out on her own.  And even then it might not even change.


reminiscing in the old apartment – ah, love

Melissa’s What Happened:  Caroline and Albert spend their 27th anniversary in their first apartment over the Brownstone.  I adore they kept their first place, and while I’m talking adoration… You know it’s coming… I love you Albert Manzo!!  The two have some relaxing down time relaxing in the old place reminiscing about their first few years there.

Rachel:  Ok, it’s just getting cuter.  They kept the same little apartment they lived in when they first got married.  I’m loving seeing the old pics of them.   These two make me happy.

I Want What She Has

If I keep the glasses on she won’t seem me rolling my eyes at her insanity.

Melissa’s What Happened:  En route to Kathy’s party Melissa tells Joe that Teresa will be there.  Smart to get him on the road before you tell him it will be a nightmare.  I have to agree with Rich’s approach to keep the insanity from the kids.  Melissa tries to talk with Teresa, but it’s frustrating for her.  Thankfully Joe stayed home so we’re only treated to Teresa’s insanity – clearly the little prayer I said earlier worked.  I really don’t understand her.  When offered a drink, you ask what they are serving and take whichever of that you like, don’t ask for someone to make you a margarita.  To ease tensions Rosie takes one for the team to get a chuckle and bellyflops into the pool.  Kathy who doesn’t want to get in the middle, tries to push Teresa to talk to Joe.  Rich tells Joe he thinks he can eventually have a relationship with Teresa again, but she has to understand Melissa and the kids are also her family, not just Joe.  Maybe they should go to therapy – ah, another househusband who doesn’t believe in therapy.

Rachel:  Is Gia wearing wedge heels?  Isn’t she like 10?  And Rich is so right that the kids shouldn’t have to be around the adults’ drama.  And who cares if your parents don’t believe in therapy?  You’re adults.  Though I’m not sure therapy can fix crazy.  And Teresa is straight-up crazy.

Family Interrupted

Wait, did you just say I wasn’t your brother anymore?  Melissa is going to be so happy to hear you’re going to be out of our lives now!

Melissa’s What Happened:  Joe spends time with Gia his Goddaughter which makes him think again of the issues with Teresa and the impact on the kids.  His solution is to try to talk to Teresa… Again.  Didn’t this end badly the last time?  Joe takes the start with how important the kids are for him and he doesn’t want to argue, which sends Teresa to tears… Man she’s an ugly crier.  Teresa can’t take the stress anymore, and doesn’t want to say the wrong thing because their trust is gone.  She’s not going to tell him anything ever again and just wants him to be happy with his family.  She’s chalking up to losing her brother, he’s not her brother anymore.  Joe wants her to go home and think about whether she wants a relationship with him or not.  She thinks he needs to act like the old Joey who loved his sister and did everything for her before he got married.  She thinks he’s changed because he got married.  Joe challenges that she’s not a sister to him, but this misses the mark by a mile, it is all his fault that he didn’t force Melissa to always kiss Teresa’s ass regardless.  Teresa’s kids have good “intuitions”, and when Melissa came along Gia didn’t like her… But unlike her demands to her brother, she didn’t tell Gia to be respectful of her aunt but told Melissa she needed to prove herself to Gia.  Well, there’s a whole parenting approach I could spend days on.  Teresa shuts him down with “you’re the meanest brother ever”.  Oh, I swear… Teresa, you should be thanking your lucky stars you have such in-laws.  We would have had such a come to Jesus your head would still be spinning if you pulled that shit in my family.  Teresa is over it – mostly because she can’t see the evil she has become.

Rachel:  Again, Teresa pulls the “you told your wife our conversation” card which now means Joe’s not her brother.  I don’t know why anyone bothers with her anymore.  She has zero ability to self-reflect.  Nothing in this world is her fault.  She could literally walk up and stab someone and it wouldn’t be her fault.  It would be because the other person walked into the knife when she was just showing off her chopping skills.  Ba-nana.  Can these two just agree they don’t like each other?  Sad, yes.  But it’s reality.  And Teresa is never going to be ok sharing her brother with any woman.  Ever.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Sigh… That was painful.  And considering the Reunion we saw last season, it’s not going to get any better any time soon. Buckle in kids.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Melissa:  I’ll say it again, someone needs to put Teresa in her place or I’m going to have to check out of watching this – please ladies, someone HAS to step up!!  It’s embarrassing how someone can be so narcissistic for no reason at all.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s