One Sentence Summary: The fall-out from Brianna’s quickie Vegas wedding goes nuclear.
Rachel: We’re back to the OC after a week of recovery from the Brianna elopement shocker. Seems Vicki has managed to get herself upright again and goes bra shopping with Tamra. Tamra needs to know what size she is now that she has no implants. Vicki’s an “FF” according to the women at the store and Tamra’s a “D”. Good Lord, you had implants OUT and you’re a D? Most women go under the knife so they can go up to a D. How were you standing upright before? So much for that Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Guess I’m riding that train alone. Though I’m going to have to say that Tamra looks so much better now with the natural boobs. Vicki, on the other hand, doesn’t think big big boobies are appropriate. Uh, then what’s with the Double F implants?
But conversation quickly goes from boobs to Brianna. Tamra is looking on the bright side of things… You know, the “at least she’s not knocked up” side. Not helping. It’s still disrespectful as far as Vicki’s concerned. She doesn’t understand how a child can marry someone their parents don’t know. Well, I’ll give you that. I just wish Vicki would not stop making it about her. It robbed her. It hurt her. It was disrespectful to her. It’s not about them… Actually, it kind of is about them. Maybe the concern should be about whether or not this is the right guy for Brianna? You know, concern for your child. But we are talking about Vicki so I’m not sure why I think suddenly she’d stop being singularly selfish.
We are subjected to Slade in skin-tight spandex biking clothes. Blech. Ick. Gag. He meets up with Gretchen’s dad, Scott, who is a great friend of his. Slade asks his permission to propose to Gretchen. Lord… Dad isn’t super gung ho about the
idea. He thinks they have some serious issues to consider before getting married and knowing how Gretchen feels, he’s not even sure she is ready for marriage. Then Dad gets to the heart of the matter; Slade’s reputation. Sa-weet. Don’t hold back, Scott! He says he needs to get his negative perception cleaned up. He’s made some bad decisions and he needs to deal with it. Slade tries to play it off like it’s rumor not reality. Dad doesn’t buy it. Permission denied.
Tamra & Gretchen meet for lunch and Tamra is talking about opening her own fitness studio. She wants something that’s hers and this is something she’s passionate about. OK, I like that she’s going after a dream. Next up, Slade. Gretchen didn’t fall in love with his bank account, but it’s been three years and it’s still hard. So, for her, marriage isn’t all that exciting to her. She’s worked hard for what she has and isn’t interested in giving that all up to Slade’s creditors. Good for you, sister. I don’t quite get the relationship, but it’s not my business. Well, I guess if you’re going to air your dirty laundry to the world, it’s everyone’s business.
Brianna & her husband (hee hee) are getting ready for her mother’s wine party. It’s been a weird year for her between the divorce, her cancer scare, her mother’s new boyfriend and now being married. This should be an interesting night – Brianna’s first appearance as a married woman and her first meeting of Brooks. Add in wine and raw nerves, and this should get messy fast.
Time for the Wines By Wives party. Seems Tamra & Vicki have started a wine club. I tried to check it out but you have to be a member to get past the home page. Here’s a link if you’re interested: WinesByWives.com. Clearly, not as cool as Two Winey Bitches, but hey, they tried. Wait, are Tamra & Brianna wearing the same dress? Tamra wants to have her wedding band tattoo cut out for Eddie. Um, cut out? Are you high? Go get it lasered off! But let’s get to the good stuff, which is the meeting of the Brooks. He gives Vicki’s son, Michael, the old “I’m proud of you for being good to your mom” speech. And then tries to discuss Brianna’s marriage. Michael wants none of that and excuses himself from the conversation. Way to slam on the gas there Brooks before you’re even out of the garage. Little does Brooks know that was the easier meeting.
Time for Vicki to announce the marriage of Brianna & Ryan. It was an, um, interesting speech and probably as upbeat as Vicki could manage. Everyone is fake happy and congratulatory. Mostly shocked. Oh but one more surprise from
Vicki, to which Brianna says, out loud, “You better not be engaged.” Wow, well I guess the selfish apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Turns out the surprise is Vicki’s brother came in for the party. Oh snap, Michael found about his sister’s marriage on Facebook. Yikes. That’s not cool. And BTW, Brianna & Tamra are totally wearing the same dress! Don’t care how you try and keep them on opposite sides of the room, it’s a fashion oopsie. I really wish they would have shown the reaction when Tamra saw Brianna walk in wearing the same dress. Maybe that was really what all the shocked looks on the women’s faces were about…
Vicki asks Brooks about his meeting Michael. He waxes poetic about how he understands where Michael is coming from as he came from a broken home. He sees how wonderful he is and already loves him so much. He feels the same about Tamra’s son and calls him “thebomb.com”. No for real. He said that. This guy is so creepy & is about as phony as a three dollar bill. He actually gives me chills. Tamra’s not buying his BS either. Shocking Vicki doesn’t see through this.
Now it’s Brianna’s turn to meet Brooks and she’s none too pleased. Vicki says that she respects Brianna’s decision and now it’s time for Brianna to respect hers. I agree with Vicki in principle, but her boyfriend is super creeptastic. Brianna is unsure of this guy and wishes her mother knew more about his life. And I agree with Brianna there. Just an awkward moment all the way around. Vicki says they all just want to be loved and find love. Brianna says the situations are a lot different. Oh Brianna, just smile and nod. Let the moment happen and move along. Well, that went about as well as expected.
Well, that was awkward and uncomfortable. And from the previews, it doesn’t look like things are going to be getting any better any time soon in the Gunvalson household. And let me honest when I say that I can’t wait to see this go down. Then there’s the Slade with an engagement ring train wreck. And to think I was going to blow off this season!