One Sentence Summary: Vicki is riding the happy train until some shocking news totally sends her careening of the rails.
Rachel: OK, I am a week behind. I know. I know. I was house sitting in a house with no Bravo last week. That’s right. No Bravo. Didn’t think it was possible and I was slightly panic-stricken at the discovery. But they left me two awesome dogs to hang with and some pretty delicious wine so I can’t really complain. And while I realize that there are other methods of watching this show, I just didn’t get a chance until tonight. The good news, for me, is that pretty much nothing happened last week. The Vicki-Gretchen apology and the Pussycat Doll performance are happening on this episode. It’s like the reality gods knew I was behind and waited for me before the good stuff went down. Thank you. Now, let’s hear how bad Gretchen’s voice really is.
Oh and we get right to it. All the girls are in Vegas for her show, yet she thinks the women want to see her fail. Hmmm… not all of them. So the Pussycat Dolls perform and we don’t get to hear any of it because apparently Bravo didn’t want to pay the license fees for the songs they were singing. I mean at least give us some bad stock music would ya? And I love that Alexis doesn’t think Jim is enjoying half-naked women on poles. Right. He’s hating it. You can tell by the way he’s craning his neck. Alright already, we know she’s nervous. Can we just get to it? Well… I hope she sounds better in that room that than she does on my TV speakers. Let’s leave it there.
Show’s over! Time to get drunk. Sarah apologizes to Vicki for being a loon at the bowling game. Vicki accepts thinking it will get rid of Sarah. It does not. Thankfully, Gretchen shows up in a bustier and panties for her party and
distracts everyone. Who walks around like that? Anyway, Tamra gives her a birthday present which is a picture of the two of them now that they are friends. Not BFFs, Vicki, just friends. But Vicki, who is clearly on some sort of mood enhancer, isn’t threatened, gives Gretchen a gift and apologizes to her for the Great Bunko Debacle. I think I can safely say that everyone in the room and everyone in the viewing audience is shocked. Who is this woman and how long is she sticking around?
Slade & Gretchen are celebrating her successful performance the next morning. Slade tells her how proud he is. If she finds what she’s passionate about and goes after it, she’ll never work another day in her life…. The way he’s never worked in his life. Um, while we understand that’s a metaphor for enjoying your job, I’m thinking perhaps you would be better off choosing a different set of words right there, slacker. Side bar – How much make up is she wearing at 10am? Is that even legal?
Vicki takes Brooks on a walk-through of her house that she rents out. The last tenants just left so she wants to see that they left everything in order. She tells Brooks how hard it is realizing how much she’s lost on this house. Brooks says, “A house is just a house, but you make it a home.” Next he says she can’t look to the past. She has to look to the future. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you respond. OMG… He’s a walking talking Hallmark card!
Alexis goes to visit a coach to help her with her reporting. She and Jim prayed on it to see if her career is worth pursuing. Amazingly, they each got different
answers from the heavens. Hmm… Seems Jesus got his wires crossed in the Bellino home. The coach gives Alexis a test, which is to report about a fire. The coach says don’t say “hi” so she starts her next report with “hi” and it doesn’t get better from there. Maybe Jim got the right message after all.
Heather & Terry meet Gretchen & Slade for dinner. Gretchen is working on continuing her singing career. She says Broadway. Terry says a record. Listen to Terry. They can autotune a record. They can’t autotune Broadway. The conversation turns to Alexis and Heather can’t quite figure her out. Terry says she’s phony and everyone laughs… Gretchen because she thinks he’s joking, Heather because she thinks it’s true. Um, Gretchen, it’s true.
Oh yeah, Tamra’s overachiever son. Totally forgot about him. She stops by Ryan’s his first pad, which is nice but has no furniture. Looks like he’s getting his act together, which is nice to see. Maybe he can call Ashlee from RHONJ and ‘splain her some stuff. Tamra’s not really excited about him not having furniture so she takes him shopping. Mom wants to help him and let him borrow money so he can buy a $1600 couch. Eddie, Ryan’s boss it turns out, says not to do it. Uh, how about you take him to IKEA instead where he can get a whole room for $1600. Instead, he finds a cheaper couch in the store and Tamra buys the tables. Baby steps, I suppose.
Brianna and Vicki go to dinner with Brianna’s boyfriend, Ryan, who is back from serving in Afghanistan. Vicki asks how his trip was as if he were there on vacation. Yes, Vicki, it was marvelous. You should book yourself a ticket and check it out. Anywho, Brianna says she brought Vicki to dinner because she has a bomb to drop on her. She & Ryan realized that life is short and they know what they want. So they drove to Vegas & got a quickie wedding. That’s right, Brianna
eloped in Vegas. From the look on Vicki’s face, I think Ryan was safer in Afghanistan. Yeah, I think happy Vicki just left the building. Well, that was short-lived. They still want the big wedding though, but since he has to go back to Afghanistan, they wanted to do this now. Oh boy oh boy oh boy… Vicki is aaaaaaaaaaangry. She’s disgusted. She’s embarrassed. And she’s especially peeved at Ryan for not doing better for her girl than a Vegas wedding. She’s got a point there. Vicki tells Ryan that she feels like she failed at being a good role model for Brianna when it comes to being committed for life. Brianna says when it’s right it’s right. And well, that happened.
Bottom Line: Oh wow, I did not see that coming. I can’t decide if I’m happy for Brianna. Seems lovely and romantic. Also seems monumentally stupid and impetuous. Hmm… And looks like next week, it just gets better. Slade wants to propose and Vicki wants Brianna to meet Brooks. Buy your tickets folks! The drama train is pulling into the station!