One-Sentence Summary: It’s Classical Week, which means we all get to pretend we’re sophisticated for an evening.
Rachel: I don’t remember there being so many theme weeks last season. I’m not necessarily opposed to them, but I’m wondering what’s with all the new twists & turns off the dance floor this time around; dance duels, dance marathons, theme weeks. I guess it’s not just the stars they have to keep on their toes. It’s the audience too. Well, I do like classical music so I’m looking forward to some pretty dances tonight… though it does not bode well for us getting any ab shots tonight. Hey, the dances are sophisticated tonight. Didn’t say I was.
Melissa: It’s classical night and we have musicians galore… Dare I even say more than you could shake a stick at.
Rachel’s What Happened: Well, if anyone should rock Classical Week, it’s Katherine, though that’s what I said about Gladys and Motown Week last week. she says she’s in her comfort zone but doesn’t think that makes it easy since they have the Rumba which is a sexy dance and they have to keep it classy. Of course Mark says you can’t spell classical without “ass”. Well, there you have it. And so much for the no ab rule, Mark is clad in nothing more than pants & a cape. Not the abs I was hoping to see, but it’s a good sign of things to come. I think they managed to create a really pretty dance to music that doesn’t really go with the style of dance. Katherine was really elegant. And I’m thinking I must not have ever seen Mark sans shirt because I’d have remembered those tats. I dig. And I dig the dance. Len said it was a classic number. It could have gotten raunchy but you kept it elegant. Bruno says Katherine is the embodiment of the power of beauty, toying with her subjects. She should be at the Getty Villa. He would have liked it raunchier. Carrie Ann said she’s unmatched technically in this competition, but tonight her passion wasn’t genuine. She could have generated more chemistry. Len disagrees and so do I.
Melissa: Katherine is in her comfort zone – naturally. I’m so looking forward to this Rumba because I loves me some Mark. I’m not however in love with that bizarre hair thing she has going on. Damn, Mark that’s a nice tat you got going on back there, never noticed it. That was a pretty dance. I’m not grooving on the whole set to Classical, but I’ll go with it. Poor Bruno didn’t get his juices going with it, but he’ll let it go.
Rachel’s What Happened: Seems Maks has a cyst in his ankle, which is causing him great pain. The doctor says they can try and alleviate some of it with extra support. Maks is worried about being a liability so he brings in Val as his back-up plan should he not be able to dance. Melissa is scared to have both Chmerkovskiy brothers in the same room with her. Maks says not to worry, Val’s much nicer. Ain’t that the truth. Maks manages to dance, but I’m not loving this at all. Melissa doesn’t really pull of elegant and some of those lifts, in that outfit she’s got on, came across somewhat vulgar. Bruno said it was extremely brave to navigate the tempo changes of Mozart but at times it looked like she was riding the side car at Coney Island. It got messy. Carrie Ann says it was Cirque du Soleil gone terribly wrong. Lifts are ambitious and it’s quality vs quantity. They went for quantity and really sacrificed quality. Len said she pulled off the crescendos with the lifts but there was so much intensity that it lost a lot of the quality. Up in the skybox Melissa is unhappy with the comments and lets us know that she did that dance in front of the man that operated on her spine. Yeah, it’s awesome that you can do it. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The dance was junk.
Melissa: OK, really, is this the season of injuries? Maks is considering pulling out of the dance with Val as his second, like Danny for Kenickie in Grease. Who will it be?? Oh, Maks makes the triumphant comeback. OK, really Melissa, how is it you agreed to being in a leotard with a filmy piece of nothing covering you up?? Oh man, you can just see Maks getting all sorts of angry with the comments. Let’s see if he can hold his tongue… Hold it he does – shocking.
Score – 21
Rachel’s What Happened: This week William wants to prove he’s more than a pretty face. That’s correct. You’re also hot abs and a bangin’ booty. Cheryl is going to give him more content this week and it’s wreaking havoc on his ankle. They are dancing to Jackie Evancho singing Ave Maria and I’m still blown away that that voice comes out of that child. Amazing. And so was the dance. OK, maybe “amazing” is overstating it, but they definitely upped the content and executed it beautifully. Not to mention that William looks quite dashing in that suit. Carrie Ann says that was true content and true dancing. He finds the story in the music and it’s always a story of romance which is what ballroom is all about. He brings the romance to life. (Can I get an Amen!) Len says there are three Viennese Waltzes tonight and his transported him to Austria, though not quite to Vienna. He’s up and down like a fiddler’s elbow and tonight he was up. Bruno says he captured the beauty and ethereal quality of the song. He brought a vulnerability to the dance. He followed the melodic line in a way only a professional dancer can do. That was so touching.
Melissa: Again, another injury. HOLY CRAP who is this little pip with the amazing voice?? I’m also going on record – again, I’m sure – I loves me a man in a suit. Really, there’s something ridiculously sexy about a man in a well-cut jacket and tie. The judges like the performance, as did I.
Score – 27
Rachel’s What Happened: Roshon is bummed because he’s giving it his all, but it’s just not connecting for some reason. Chelsea can only teach him so much about manning up for the Argentine Tango so he pays a visit to Val. Val says it’s all about how you caress the woman and hold your body – be a little bit arrogant and confrontational. Let’s see if he can pull this off. Man, they love to screw with Lady Gaga on this show. This is a bizarre version of this song and that’s the nicest thing I can say about it. Uh, what was with the camera shot of the logo in the middle of the dance? I’m assuming Miss Chelsea had a wardrobe malfunction. He did a good job with the dance, but it really is hard to buy him as a leading man. Len said he liked the transitions into the lifts. They were seamless. He would have liked to see more tension in the feet, which would have made his legs look stronger & less awkward. OVerall it was clean and confident. Bruno said it was very very clean most of the time. He has to work on the strength in his legs. He has to be able to hold positions. But he liked it overall. Carrie Ann gives him a hug and says that was the gravitas and confidence she was looking for.
Melissa: I’m not really grooving on this tango, but we’ll just let that slide since Chelsie can do a fair bit of the leg work for him. What the… Clearly someone cut to 2 when they should have cut to 3. Seems the judges were more impressed than I was.
Score – 25
Rachel’s What Happened: Another challenge from Len to up the ante so Peta’s going to push him this week. That’s good for Donald since he thrives on competition. That’s probably a good thing being that he’s a football player in real life. He’s ready to give more. Well, I’m smiling during this dance, which doesn’t happen much with such serious dances, but Donald makes me happy. I think he’s rocking the Waltz, if that’s actually possible. Bruno says he has the sweeping drive and passion of the Verdi music. He loved it. Carrie Ann says she missed the lift but she loves the intensity of his dancing. His determination makes his moves so strong. She loved the regalness (word?) of this dance. Len thought he was going to see a dancing Fererro Rocher when he saw the coat. He though it was terrific. His footwork was spot-on and overall it was a great job.
Melissa: Oh man, I loved that waltz! I adore Donald and how much fun he has every week. Peta is a choreographic force to be reckoned with.
Score – 27
Rachel’s What Happened: Tonight, Derek is thinking tragic love story as the theme. Maria says that’s a lot like their relationship. He loves her but sometimes he wants to kill her. Mhmm, I’m telling you there’s a little something something with these two going on… though my grandmother says she heard he’s gay. Yes, my grandmother is spreading DWTS gossip. Kinda have to love that. Derek is riding her like Seabiscuit and wishing she could be feminine & more attractive. Hey, way to douche out Derek. Not digging this side of him. Neither is Maria as it reduces her to tears. He says he just wants the best out of her because she is a great dance. Let’s see if it works… And it does. That was a pretty spectacular dance. Loved it. Fun campy vampires with great dancing. Carrie Ann says that didn’t suck. She was so on fire. Katherine had better watch her back because she’s coming at her. Len says it was sharp as a razor, crisp as a Pringle with more tension than his grandmother’s knickers elastic. He loved it. Bruno says the Queen of the Damned is the Queen of the Night. The structure and storytelling was spellbinding.
Melissa: Oooh a Paso!! Did she just hiss at him? I’m confused, is she a witch or vampire? I don’t know if I get this. It’s a little on the strange side with her fangs and what not. The dance was solid. I just didn’t get the vampire storyline. OK, so as crazy as I thought it was, it got them the first perfect score of the season – bravo kids.
Score – 30 – First perfect score of the season. Meanwhile, I do love that everyone else was jumping up and down for them as well.
Rachel’s What Happened: Kym rewards Jaleel for a great dance last week with a gift; a stuffed koala bear that says Australian saying when you squeeze it. Alrighty then. Shall we rehearse? They are doing the same dance as Donald & William so they really have to bring it. During rehearsal, Jaleel gets a handful of Kym’s goods and says it happened only because he’s so busy concentrating on his frame. Yeah yeah, nice one, Jaleel. That’ll get you slapped on any other show. I hate the song they’re dancing to, but the dance itself if really pretty. Len says he liked it enough not to be cruel, but not enough to be kind. He said there was no footwork in it. As a number, he liked it, but he has to look at the details. It didn’t quite work for him. Bruno says content-wise he tried everything, but it’s not executed as well as it could be at all time. He has to watch his arms. As a story, it was very nice. Carrie Ann says not to lose his confidence because he’s definitely back in the game. Sometimes he’s so engulfed in the dance that his hands get cringy but the storytelling was there.
Melissa: Yeah Jaleel, way to hit second base during practice… Quick thinking blaming “frame”. That was rather pretty. I think not enough to hook them up with a high score, but still nice.
Score – 24
Time for the team dances. Extra points are awarded for the dances. In the past, the losing team also ends up being the team where someone is sent home. So, they really want to win this.
Rachel’s What’s Happened: Team Tango says this dance is all about choreography. The team with the best choreography is going to win. I’m digging the team tango. Let’s see what the judges say… Len said that Maria and Roshon were the stand-out couples. Jaleel was a bit loose in parts. Was a mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. Good as a group. Technically it was bad. Some of the lines were ugly. Bruno thought the choreography was outstanding at the beginning and the end. Roshon killed it. Katherine the Argentinian influence was all there. Overall it was excellent. Carrie Ann says it was incredible. She thought Jaleel was nailing it.
Melissa: Now that is a fun Tango. I don’t care for the outfits, but still very cool. That kick was petty legit if you ask me. Mark and Katherine were my favorites, well and Maria and Derek too. I don’t get the push ups at the end, but whatever.
Score – 27
Rachel’s What Happened: Maks thinks it’s an advantage to have less people because it gets less messy. He also thinks it’s a good idea to rip their shirts off during the dance. William is not thrilled. He doesn’t want them to look like they’re showing off. Take off the shirt, William. Be a team player. Their dance was pretty awesome, but I liked Team Tango just slightly more. Bruno says more power than the Avengers. The boys dominated this. They lost some synch but they are superheros. Carrie Ann says that was ridiculous to watch. That will go down as a fan favorite. A little out of synch but it was fun. Len says the guys undressed to impress. It was fire and spice. Great job.
Melissa: OK, so Team Paso already gets extra points for putting Donald and William in little vests… Smart move Paso folks. Carmina Burana?? Yeah, that’s it. I’m all in for Team Paso!! Sorry Tango folks, better music and better wardrobe. I’m not feeling Melissa and Maks for their portion. Man, Donald and Peta nailed their piece. I think Paso will take it. Plus, I can’t hate on Donald and William topless.
Score – 26
Team Tango takes it by a point.
Rachel’s What Happened: We start the results show with the encore dance. Obviously the couple with the perfect score will be dancing again and we are treated to a repeat of the Paso Doble by Derek & Maria.
Now, before we move on. We all know I love to poke fun at Brooke. So I’d like to take a moment to say that she actually looks really pretty tonight.
OK, moving on to the first round of results. The first three couples on the block are William & Cheryl, Donald & Peta and Katherine & Mark. All three are safe, as they should be.
Next, we meet Richard “Steelo” Vasquez, a hip-hop dancer who has worked on many films and on stage with famous artists like Gwen Stefani. On June 19th of last year, he was rushed to the hospital with a brain aneurism. He came close to dying and spent 9 weeks in the ICU. He was severely impared – he had to relearn how to walk and write – but he knew he wanted to dance again. Tonight, he is performing for the first time in public since his illness. What an inspiration. How great to see someone beat the odds like he is doing. The audience clearly agrees and starts chanting Steelo. Awesome.
We also get treated to Gavin DeGraw back in the ballroom singing “Sweeter” from his new album. I love and miss Gavin, but he’s a much better singer than dancer.
Now we have a Dance Championship to sit through. Killing me here. The pros are coaching junior teams to win the Ballroom Battle. No clue what that means. Seems Round One happened without us and now Cheryl, Tony & Louie’s teams are going to dance tonight for the title. After they all dance, the judges are going to decide live who the winner is. They can’t make up their mind and Tom urges them to get moving. Len makes some excuses which Tom responds to with, “Life’s a bitch.” Best part of the whole segment. Anywho, Louie’s team comes in 3rd place. Second place goes to Tony’s team making Cheryl’s team the big winner. Woo…
Finally, the rest of the results. The bottom two will be among the final four couples left. Being that Maria & Derek are part of the final four, I’m going to venture a guess that they’re safe. And I’m right. So, only Jaleel, Melissa or Roshon are going to be safe. I’m shocked to say it’s Melissa & Maks that are safe. Seriously? Seriously? Who’s voting out there? Their dance blew.
That leaves Jaleel and Roshon in the dance duel. I’m pissed. Jaleel says Len is the old guy outside of the grocery store that won’t give a kid money for candy. Ha, that’s hilarious. But I’m still mad he’s in the Dance Duel again.
Carie Ann – Side by side, you guys are pretty much equal. You started strong but teh connection got lost. Roshon had extremely good chemistry.
Len – The duel is cruel because they both gave it their all.
Bruno – Roshon was much stronger & smoother. connection was spot on. Jaleel very strong and you corrected your arms. So much better. It’s a matter of taste at this point.
Carrie Ann votes for Roshon & Chelsea. Len votes for Roshon & Chelsea. And though that means Jaleel is going regardless, we hear Bruno’s vote which was for Roshon & Chelsea as well.
I’m not happy at all. Melissa should be going home. Jaleel handles it with class and says that he really only thought he’d last 3 dances. He wanted to give his mom three good dances. He’s made incredible friends and the fans have been incredible.
Melissa: OK, I’m thinking it’s Melissa and Maks going home this week. Half-pint’s support crew can only take her but so far. I can’t wait for the dance off though. How sad is it that I look forward to watching two couples battle it out for that safety vote? DANCE FOR ME PEOPLE… MWAHAHAHAAAA!! Let’s just call it the Master P Clause. Come on folks, you remember how awful he was, but the call in votes kept him there forever much to Len’s annoyance.
Well smack me on the ass, Melissa and Maks made it. Poor Jaleel & Kym and Roshon & Chelsie are in the spotlight to try to save themselves from elimination. I think it’s going to be Roshon. I mean really, who wants to send Urkel home? Especially since he’s not afraid to bring the 6 pack to the party.
WOW, they sent Urkel home!! I’m not a fan of that decision… NOT AT ALL judges. If you could see me know, you’d see that I have a disapproving crooked eyebrow aimed right at the three of you.
Melissa: Plan to amends to me next week, judges, and maybe you’ll be back in my good graces.
Rachel: OK, I’m voting for everyone but Melissa next week. I know I say this every year. But I mean it this time. Kinda.