Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7, Week 10 – Cabin Fever

One Sentence Summary:  The ladies of the OC go “glamping” in an effort to show they’re not spoiled divas… which serves to prove that they’re spoiled divas.

But if you don't want your big boobs, how will I know I want my big boobs?

My Thoughts:

Rachel:  We’re back in the OC and starting the show with more post-surgery visitations.  Vicki comes to visit Tamra after her breast-reduction surgery and first thing out of her mouth… Where are your boobs?  She doesn’t know why anyone would want small boobs.  Ah yes, Vicki always thinking of others and being a good supportive friend.  New flash for you:  Not everyone has to have giant jumblies to feel secure in their womanhood.  Maybe you do, but stop projecting your drama onto other people.  Apparently she’s not listening to me since she just decided to keep the hate going and tell her she’ll never have sensation in her nipples ever again.  Wow, Vicki, you really are a rainbow wrapped up in a ball of sunshine, aren’t you?  But Tamra is smart enough to change the subject to the bowling party before she has to take anymore bullets.  She wants to hear about crazy Sarah.  Vicki tells her the story and makes sure to let her know that she heard from Alexis about it since, you know, they’re friends.  So much for that bullet dodging.  I wonder if Vicki realizes how transparent her motives are.  I mean she might as well have said, “If you & Gretchen are going to be friends, then I’m going to be friends with Alexis.” and then thrown in a “nanny nanny poo poo” at the end for good measure.

And speaking of Vicki’s BFF, Alexis and her friend, Shannon, are making “marshmallow packages” for her “glamping” trip with the girls.  That’s right, they’re going on a glamorous camping trip.  Yes, getting your own bag of Hershey’s chocolate and store-brand marshmallows SCREAMS glamorous.  I’m thinking she could have upped the ante and bought some Dove chocolates at the least.  Anywho, this is how she plans on being one with nature without having to touch it.  Yes, the plastic people are going to be one with nature.  That makes sense.  Just hope no one gets too close to the fire and melts.  Well, I actually kinda do.  Alexis invites Shannon (who it turns out is also her hair & make-up girl… how convenient) to come along… so she can carry her luggage and drive since Alexis still can’t bend over or carry anything heavy.  Ah, friendship.  BTW, you’re going camping for one night and staying in a lodge.  Exactly what heavy things are you needing to lift?  Jack ass.

Gretchen is packing for the glamping trip while Slade makes what I’m guessing are three grilled cheese sandwiches.  Gourmet breakfast, no doubt.  He yells to her to text him what she’d like to drink since she is supposed to be resting her voice.  As she texts him, she yells to let him know she’s texting.  Wow, these women really are the Intelligentsia, aren’t they?  Slade thinks she should not go camping (sorry, I just can’t bring myself to keep calling it glamping) and rest her voice.  She has a responsibility to The Pussycat Dolls  and Planet Hollywood that she won’t be able to fulfill if she doesn’t get well… and Slade needs the paycheck.  OK, he didn’t say that, but let’s be honest, he’s thinking it.  I think she agrees with him, but I’m unclear as watching this show makes me stupid.

Heather, Vicki & Brianna head off for glamping in one car.  In the other, Shannon & Alexis are having a dance party.  Alexis is jamming out and swinging her head from side to side… which is somehow acceptable for her new nose, but driving is not.  Sigh….

Tamra is at home icing her new boobs with her old implants.  OK, that’s kinda funny.  She says she can’t believe how stupid she used to look with giant boobs.

See, the implants have multiple uses.

Ditto.  Eddie thinks she looks great with her new boobs and tells her the old ones were kinda hooker-ish looking.  Hey, you were dating them.  I mean her.  She’s sad she’s missing the glamping trip, but Eddie promises to take her to Ojai to the lodge when she’s healed (and he’s healed from breaking his pinky on the mud run).  That’s a good boyfriend.

The girls arrive for their fun with nature and head to the market to get their BBQ packages.  The market sends up their food with a bundle of wood for them to cook with.  The girls all looked stunned at the thought of having to cook for themselves.  Seriously, ladies?  If the food came cooked, it would be called room

And by cooking our own food, you don't mean we actually have to cook our own food, right?

service and you’d be staying a hotel.  This is the part of the trip that resembles camping.  They figure out the food and wine and head up to their cabins which they all declare to be “cuuuuute”.

Alexis is annoyed that there is no ice or wine openers and that there are bugs outside.  So much for that one with nature talk.  And while she swats at the bugs, she still has time to mock Heather for looking for a “red” wine glass on a glamping trip.  I mean it’s still camping, duh!  Yeah, so bugs being annoying isn’t missing the point, but looking for a specific glass is?  Alrighty, then.  She doesn’t know what her problem is since no one else is complaining.  Yes, if by no one, you mean no one but you.  Vicki says it’s not real wine if it comes in a screw top.  Yes, one more example of how clearly out of touch this woman is.  No, Vicki, a screw top has nothing to do with whether the wine is good or not.  But she’s not listening because she’s off talking to Brooks.  The girls aren’t happy, especially Brianna, but you know, I get new love.  You’re addicted.

Heather asks Alexis if she got the house she & Jim were bidding on.  Alexis says no and gets very defensive about money & real estate.  Well, actually she gets defensive about Heather.  But in typical Alexis fashion, when she gets frustrated with a conversation, she says that they just give it up to God.  I gotta try that.

Finally, after 15 calls from Alexis, the dude from the lodge market shows up with the food and sort of shows the girls how to start a fire.  Heather decides to build the fire and Vicki fights with her about how to do it.  Vicki says you have to burn the plastic.  Say what?  Yes, burn the plastic Vicki and then inhale those fumes deeply.  See how that works out for you.  Heather actually gets it started and now Alexis wants to just order a pizza.  OMG, I want to push these women into a ravine.  Then a skunk shows up and I’m pretty convinced that the producers let it loose on the their campsite.  I know I would have.

As the wine mellows the women out, Vicki has a moment of forgiveness and clarity and admits to owing an apology to Gretchen for the whole Slade fight.  Well, she owes her a 50% apology.  That’s all she’s wiling to negotiate.  Two steps forward, one step back.  Now the women can’t find a garbage can so the front desk agrees to come pick it up because they know it’s just easier at this point than try and give these women directions.

The next morning, Alexis tells Vicki & Brianna that she slept in 50 degree weather because she couldn’t figure out how to turn the heat on.  So for that, you didn’t call the front desk?  Anyone else want to ram their head into a wall right now?  At breakfast, the conversation turns to diamonds… Vicki misses hers, Heather reappraises hers every year and Alexis wears a fake one.  She keeps the real one in a safe, which Heather doesn’t understand.  OK, you all know I like Heather, but she definitely has a thing with Alexis where she has to challenge everything she says.

Back in a land far away from nature (aka LA), Gretchen is trying singing again.  Joy.  Can’t wait to hear this.  She’s stressed about her voice and it hurts when she sings so they’re going to bring it down a key.  OK, she doesn’t sound as bad.. oh wait… never mind.  She tries the high notes and it’s bad.  She knows it and she’s bummed out.  All of this, it seems, is Slade’s fault since he talked about Vicki in his Improv show.  Well, personally, I think everything is Slade’s fault too so I agree with Gretchen.

And as the women head back to the gated comfort of the OC, Heather tells the car that her husband bought a Prius so they could help reduce their carbon footprint.  Alexis says begged for a Pruis too so she could help the economy.  Um, exactly which part of the economy Alexis?  She really is dumber than a stump.

Bottom Line:

I’m pretty convinced my IQ is now 15 points lower after having watched this.


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