One-Sentence Summary: It’s Latin night, which means it’s going to get steamy out on the dance floor.
Rachel: Oh boy, it’s Latin Week. There is going to be so much hip shaking that there may an earthquake in Los Angeles tonight. I’m not gonna lie and pretend I’m not just a little bit excited to watch William tear it up on the dance floor tonight. While I realize that being Latin doesn’t necessarily make you a good dancer, but in Williams case, it kinda does. Just let’s see some abs & tight pants tonight, ok Cheryl? Meanwhile, I just know someone’s gonna dance to the Conga or some Miami Sound Machine song. I can feel it in my bones. Well, maybe I’m just feeling the wine, but something’s tingling…
Melissa: It’s Latin Night baby, with a Dance Off twist for elimination this week. Sadly, I’ve had flashes of West Side Story, Step Up (sadly I’ll admit 2 and 3 also) and Breakin’ (but not 2 Electric Boogaloo) going through my head since they mentioned it last week – OK, I’ll woman up and admit, there’s also a little nod to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (the movie with SJP). But, you know the most important piece of Latin Night, right? The men get a little skimpy with their ensembles. Bring it on, I’m ready… Oh and fingers crossed for a shirtless William vs. Donald Shirt Off… I mean Dance Off. Listen, you let my Sherri go home, so you better be doing a little something to make it up to me.
Rachel: Oh, yeah! The Dance Off… Totally forgot. Maybe THAT’S what’s tingling…
Rachel’s What Happened: OK, either DWTS has way more clout than I thought or this is where artists come to sell out one final time. I do love that Santana designs women’s shoes though, so I give him a pass for showing up on this show. Though, I cannot stand the cheesy Macy’s Dancers on Ice or whatever the back-up dancers are called. The dudes are so cheesy they leave a streak of Velveeta on the floor. Melissa just told me that they are the Jr. Team, but I still prefer Macy’s Dancers on Ice.
Melissa: Hang on now… Santana is kicking it on DWTS?? I really should be having a Sangria in honor of Latin Night!! BTW, Donald was covered coming down the stairs. I’m not digging that… nor am I digging William in so much fabric.
Rachel’s What Happened: With Sherri going home, Jaleel knows he needs to step it up. They’re doing the Samba which is all about shaking the booty and Jaleel thinks he should probably get a jock strap if that’s the case. Ha! He’s coming at this with everything he has. I called it! They’re dancing to freaking Miami Sound Machine. First dance! And I am always in opposition to the brown dance pants. Why do they insist on putting men in them? But I’m not opposed to Urkel’s abs. Who knew! He’s got some moves. I think they did a pretty damn good job. Len says rhythm is one of the keys and he had rhythm in abundance. He took a few liberties with the technique, but what fun and what a great start to the show. Well done. Bruno says the rhythm got us all. That wiggle was unstoppable. Carrie Ann said this week he came out with attack and fire. Just watch the dead arm.
Melissa: Jaleel needs a jock before he can shake what his mamma gave him? You go on with your bad self Jaleel!! Who knew Urkel was rocking abs of steel?? I’m not a huge fan of this dance, but I’m loving his booty shaking. Did Len just say his bum was chewing toffee?? I’m so confused as to what that means. I’m assuming it’s better than two cats ‘wrassling’ in a bag… which is how I’ve often described my ass, I mean bum.
Score – 24
Rachel’s What Happened: Melissa needs to avoid getting a headache according to her doctor. Good luck with Maks as your partner. Last week she told us she was a bad girl but this week she feels uncomfortable with the open sexuality of the dance. So which is it, Half-Pint? Angel or devil? As for the dance, Maks looks great, but she seems a bit… loose… and not in a good way. Bruno likes that she goes maximum thrust. The thing is that this is a very fast dance and you have to be on it precisely. He begs her to listen them because she has to control her dancing. Carrie Ann says it’s beautiful to see the confidence she’s gained. Bruno is right though, there are elements of control that are lacking. She’s taking too big steps. Len said there was great rhythm and feel but on occasions it was rough & untidy.
Melissa: Clearly Maks spent some extra time in the tanning bed for this week to prep for his pink shirt. OK, that’s really the only snark I have right now. I’m liking this dance. Half-Pint is a little stiff, but she needs to find her groove and arms.
Score – 21
Rachel’s What Happened: Anyone else think these two are schtupping? I sure do. When he drops her on her face (which, yeow, by the way) and he starts calling her baby, all I could think was, “Yep, they’re schtupping.” Hey, they’re a cute couple! If she survives this show, I hope they have cute DWTS babies. Between the ribs, the foot and now the chin, she’ll be lucky if she leaves without having anything in a cast. Ha, I love that Maria started dancing with Dr. Drew in the audience. He looked freaked out. Maybe it’s me, but she doesn’t look super confident in the steps on this one. It’s more the Derek show than anything. He definitely choreographed this for his own pleasure with a kiss in the middle and the abs on display. Carrie Ann says that was hot. Maria is fantastic and it had everything going on, but they didn’t need the kiss. Dancing is about the illusion of passion. Don’t get it on in front of everyone. Len though that there were two things revealed; Derek’s body and Maria’s talent. She is a terrific dancer. Good job. Bruno would like them to get a room and would like them to join in.
Melissa: Oh shit… Maria just fell all on her face! Side bar: why is Derek calling Maria “baby” during practice?? I mean in that casual way you refer to your sig. “Baby, can you get me a glass of wine?” Hmmmm. Damn them, they had me with the toe tapping Ricky tune. I’m liking all the twists and turns and fun. These kids are just having fun with this… Awesome.
Score – 27
Rachel’s What Happened: Katherine was convinced she was going home last week and isn’t ready to go. In rehearsals, it seems she is having issues with the power of her flicks and has been doing some “damage to Mark’s naughty bits”. He certainly has spent a great deal of time on the ground grabbing himself. Well, for what it’s worth, the pain was worth it because the dance was amazing. Really hot. Len says it was like a rose for him; It had beauty but underneath the surface was the thorn; sharp, menacing. Well done. Bruno said that was dancing and choreography of the highest level. What really made him tingle (oh no…) was the perfect pitch and the storytelling. It was played to perfection. Carrie Ann says her legs are the best legs of any contestant in history (take that Stacey Kiebler). It was poetry in motion.
Melissa: How cute is she talking about his naughty bits? I’m digging this Tango!! I really like these two as a couple. I’m a huge fan of Mark as a choreographer and she’s a perfect partner for him.
Score – 29
Rachel’s What Happened: Seriously, he just makes me smile in every rehearsal. Granted he is supposed to be doing a sexy dance so I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I’m starting to become a big Gavin DeGraw fan. He’s, um, awkward in the dance but he’s holding his own. And seriously, I’m still smiling. I may have to vote for him this week. There’s a little whoops at the end of the dance on a Karina pass, and I hope that doesn’t kill him. Bruno says he should have stayed on the prop boat. With all the madness though, he enjoyed it. Gavin just let himself go and hoped for the best. Carrie Ann loves that he goes for it, but he’s lacking form. She says it was hard to tell that it was a samba. Gavin says it was more of a struggle than a samba. Carrie Ann agrees. Len says it was more a sham-ba than a samba. He’s got to say, it’s a hard dance, but it was a gallant effort.
Melissa: I don’t know if I am liking this, I mean I’m a fan of Gavin’s sense of humor and just having fun with it all, but between his white boy’s over-bite and dirty shirt, I’m just not feeling it this week. It’s reminding me of a drunken spring break something or other. At least, he admits it’s more of a struggle than a samba.
Score – 19
Rachel’s What Happened: Now this is what I’ve been waiting for… William doing the Argentine Tango. We learn that today he had an MRI on his ankle after rolling it in rehearsals yesterday. Yeah, this boy had better still dance. In the rehearsals video, he’s struggling and he’s afraid to let people down. That’s cute…. now keep dancing. Like he said himself, he can’t be the only Latin guy going home on Latin Week. See, I agree. I wasn’t pushing him to dance for my own selfish needs. Ahem. At first, I was hoping for a Samba or a Salsa so we could see him shake his bon bon a little bit. But I’m thinking the Argentine Tango might be ok… And my… my my my my. Look at that man melt the dance floor. Holy hotness! That’s one for the DVR archives on those lonely cold nights… Er, I mean… Carrie Ann says that was ridiculously amazing. All she could think was that he was the Latin James Bond. (For the record, I typed “Bone” not “Bond”… Freudian slip anyone?) Len says he saw mood, passion, sensuality and color. Well done. Bruno screams pulsating passion! Throbbing intensity! Slick sexy … um, I think he says “Clooney-licious” but that seems odd. Oh well, it’s Bruno. He thought it was hot.
Melissa: Poor William is frustrated. I’m sorry, Sweetie. I can’t hear you. Please take your shirt off. Sorry… What just happened there? Oh my. Oh my. Yeah, I think William done redeemed himself this week… Um, yeah… Redemption. I think I felt myself holding my breath through half of that dance. That was just crazy sexy hot. Well done!
Score – 29
Rachel’s What Happened: She says she’s been on the bottom before in life. Those things never bothered her before. They were just challenges. I like that. Tristan says her reward for getting “tru” last week is this week. He’s so damn cute, I just want to pinch his cheeks. He tells her they’re dancing the samba and she’ll get to shake everything she’s been keeping inside. Hey Gladys, can work those hips! Look at her go! Um, and so can Tristan. Now, I want to pinch some other cheeks. It’s a cute dance. Couldn’t someone in wardrobe do a better job with the illusion netting? What part of you thinks that is the color of anyone’s skin? Go Gladys! Len says she was easy on the eyes. There’ a naturalness about her. It was simple but effective. Bruno says she plays to her audience. She has incredible stage presence. She is just magic. Carrie Ann says there were a few tiny mistakes but she commands the stage. There’s a reason she’s the star she is.
Melissa: Oh Gladys, let me just say I hope I’m rocking it out on the dance floor with a man half my age when I’m your age… ‘Cause woman, you’re kicking it. That being said, that footwork needs work to keep yourself from a double dance this week.
Score – 22
Rachel’s What Happened: Oh boy, Disney is going sexy. This should be interesting. If he can keep the pop-and-lock out of the dance, he may be able to avoid the bottom two this week. Sadly, I think that will be for my boy Gavin, but you never know. OK, we know I like to rip on this kid but his dressing up as William Levy for inspiration during rehearsals is a little slice of genius. A tip of the hat for the funny, Roshon. William even comes in for a little lesson and gives him some “suave”. Well, I have to give it to him, he’s doing a great job with this dance. Kid has got some moves. Can’t hate on him this week. Bruno says he’s wild for salsa. That his energy and his timing were unbelievable. It was right on the beat. Carrie Ann says he has his own mojo. She says he was sexy… but not in a cougar way, in a Disney way. It was appropriate. He was who he is. Len says he likes his enthusiasm. Full on speed and attack. Occasionally he needs to calm himself though.
Melissa: I like the extra William time… Thank you producers. Why does he have to put a little MJ into every dance. Damn, OK that boy can move his hips!
Score – 26
Rachel’s What Happened: Alright! Another hot man doing the tango. He says he is watching footage of the tango like he watches football footage before a game. I’m just hoping the dance looks as good as the rehearsals. And it does! Not enough o’s in smooth for this guy. Fantastic dance! They nailed that! Nailed it. That really looked professional. Carrie Ann says it was divine. There is so much technique involved in lifting and doing the ins & outs but he mastered them. He was in control of Peta the whole time. Ridiculous. Len says the lifts were spectacular. The rest was nearly, but not quite. Bruno says the build-up was amazing. The walking though interrupted the flow. But overall fantastic job. He loved it.
Melissa: I love how much fun he has with everything. I can’t wait to see this Tango. I’m about to bedazzle my Team Donald Shirt!! DAYUM, that was a sexy ass Tango!! That spin was RE-diculous, and that finish, I can’t stand it. I want 10s across that table!! Donald, I’m going to be up all night bedazzling my shirt, hat and phone cover – TEAM DONALD AND PETA!
Score – 27 (Len had an apparent aneurism and gave Donald an 8)
Rachel’s What Happened: Oh yeah, it’s time for the Dance Off. I really wish the would have to reenact a famous dance-off scene. Wouldn’t you love to see them go all Jets vs Sharks on us? Come on, don’t play cool, kid. Sorry… I won’t sing the whole West Side Story soundtrack…
Maria, I just met a girl named Maria. And suddenly… she and Derek are dancing the encore dance. I’m done now. For real, no more singing. And they apparently took Carrie Ann’s advice and there’s no more kissing anymore. Well, not each other anyway… Well, not in front of us anyway. Carrie Ann got a smooch from Derek & Bruno from Maria.
Finally, we get some elimination news. First three couples up are Maria & Derek, Melissa & Maks and Gladys & Tristan. Are all three safe? Could be… Who knows… Ahem, yes all three are safe.
After we learn how the Dance “Duel” works – the bottom two couples dance to the same song as the same time and then the judges decide who stays & who goes – Train performs. This band drive me crazy. It doesn’t matter what they’re singing, I hear “Drops of Jupiter” and I want to punch myself in the ear.
I was going to bitch about another performance with the Macy’s Stars of Dance (on Ice) but being that it features Sheila E, I’m cool with it. She’s unreal and apparently impervious to aging. They dance a little Latin number, but I heard that Sheila E likes to be in America. OK by me in America…
OK, now I’m bitching. Selena Gomez and the Scene are now performing. Come on, this song is horrid. Gee Selena Krupke, Krup you! OK, I’ve officially pushed the joke too far.
Finally, some more results. Up next, it’s William & Cheryl, Donald & Peta and Katherine & Mark. The Tango Trio. They were all amazing. I can’t imagine any of them are in the bottom. And none are. They’re all safe which means that only one of the last three contestants is safe: Roshon, Jaleel or Gavin.
Turns out that it’s Roshon & Chelsie that are safe. That means Jaleel & Kym and Gavin & Karina will be… insert drum roll…. dancing for their lives!!! I’m kinda pissed that Jaleel is in the bottom two. Not surprised about Gavin. My darling is adorable, but was not blessed with le rhythm.
Both teams dance the Cha Cha side-by-side as they do in a real ballroom competition. Well, that’s what Tom tells us anyhow. The judges will decide on their performance on this dance and this dance alone. Let’s be honest, Gavin’s going home. Dear Lord! How many times are they going to butcher Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory” on this show. Anywho, neither dance was perfect but Jaleel was better. Carrie Ann and Len save Jaleel, rendering Bruno’s vote for Jaleel moot. So, we lose sweet Gavin just before Motown Week.
Melissa: Yep, still sitting here with images of William and Donald kicking it West Side Story style in their dance-off this week. Not that I want either of them to have to do a second dance, but I like eye-candy… I do folks. I’m woman enough to admit it. I just hope it’s not another disappointing week with one of my favorites leaving – fingers crossed. Bring on the Dance Duel!!
Derek and Maria get the encore performance minus the kiss that sent tongues wagging (not just theirs), though maybe her tatas went wagging a bit since she was caught tucking them back in.
DAYUM, Sheila E looks ridiculously awesome. That chica is holding her own all these years and man she can still groove the hell out of some drums!!
Jaleel and Kym and Gavin and Karina face the dance duel…
OK, have to just say I’m calling Gavin is gone… He’s still really… Heavy on his feet. Let’s see though shall we?
Melissa: Yes, Gavin and Karina are gone. I’ll miss his sense of humor and fun. He was such a fun start to watch during rehearsals.
Rachel: Aw, my sweet Gavin is gone. Well, at least he stuck around long enough for me to now know that he’s not Jason Mraz. That’s a win in my book.