America’s Next Top Model British Invasion – Week 6, Jessica Sutta & Nadine Coyle

Tyra hopes Jessica Sutta & Nadine Coyle will let her be part of one of their girl groups.

The American girls are celebrating Ebony’s big win last week while Alisha protests by not speaking.  She says she’s not speaking until she’s photo of the week.  Somehow I find that doubtful.  Meanwhile, Laura is still feeling sad about losing her best friend before she came on the show.  It’s got to be so hard to deal with that while dealing with the competition but she says it’s pushing her forward.  She has a stuffed animal she keeps with her named Alan that her friend that passed away gave her.  Well, we all know what’s going to happen next.  Sophie grabs Alan and threatens to throw him in the pool.  While struggling to get the animal back, an ear comes off and gets tossed in the pool.  Laura loses her shit and it occurs to Sophie that maybe the teddy bear means something to her.  Um, ya think so, genius?  Don’t put your hands on other people’s stuff.  Ever.  A stupid toy to you might be something really sacred to someone else.  Although I’m a bit confused how it’s Kyle’s fault when she wasn’t the one that stole the bear or ripped the ear off or threw it in the pool.  Ya had me with you for a second Laura and then ya lost me just as quickly.

As if the show wasn’t already annoying enough tonight, Lisa D’Amato is back to help the girls record a song.  Oh boy.  Here we go with this Autotune nonsense again.  Lord have mercy on the music industry.  Anyway, the girls have mentors to help them – Brits get Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud (apparently a big girl group in the UK) as their mentor.  The American girls get Jessica Sutta from the Pussycat Dolls.  Do they still exist?  Well, at least this time they don’t have to write their own song or come up with any kind of ideas.  This does not thrill Azmarie since she can write her own music.

But off to the recording studio they go to record someone else’s track.  They are recording at The Village in West LA , which is a super huge privilege, ladies!  Huge artists like Fleetwood Mac & The Black Crows have recorded there!  The Brit girls are calling themselves Fiercely British and the Americans are The United Sirens of America.  Oh lord, are we really still doing the stupid Pot Ledom thing?  I guess so.  Tyra loves to come up with a bad idea and run it into the ground.  I will say the Brit girls are rocking it out.  I give them a tip of the hat.  The US girls, um, not so much.  Azmarie… Uh, not sure where that voice is coming from.  She’s singing like she’s a Ke$ha and it just doesn’t work.  That session definitely went to the Brits.

Now it’s time for some choreography… with Tyra.  Oh boy.  She’s there to teach the girls the art of the booty tooch, and she’s brought some artificial booties with her.  Everyone puts theirs on but Azmarie refuses, which gets her sent packing.

Time to learn the all-important difference between the booty tooch, the smoochy tooch and the dookie tooch.

She’s a grown ass woman who doesn’t have time for this.  Um, are you sure?  Last I checked, you signed up for a modeling contest/reality show.  I think you do have time for this… especially when Tyra is your teacher.  I think someone’s going to be in the bottom two this week and in for a big ol’ lecture.  After the tooch lesson, they learn the Smize dance.  Yeah, that happened.  There was an entire 5 minutes of my life spent hearing things like “Smize dance” and “dookie tooch”.

Time for the video shoot.  Brits go first.  I’m thinking the US girls are in for a big loss on this one.  Those girls brought their A-games.  Knocked it out of the park.  OK, Americans are up.  Everyone is doing OK except for Kyle who can’t get any expression on her face.  Azmarie does a great job but she’s got more feedback about the ego.  Mr. Jay says if you’ve got a bad attitude it will spread like a brush fire and no one will touch you.  C’mon Azmarie, lighten up!  Though she should get points for trying to rally Kyle out of her funk for the team.

At panel the girls’ videos play then they are critiqued one by one on their individual performance.  Seymone owned it.  She worked her face.  Tyra says exaggerate it more though.  Kelly loved Laura’s nasty dirty punk.  Azmarie seemed to have a lack of commitment.  Tyra doesn’t understand her not wanting to cross the line by doing a booty tooch after being covered in maple syrup.  She apologizes to Tyra for being disrespectful.  Ebony commits almost too much.  She was doing too much of the smoochie tooch.  I can’t believe I just wrote that.  Nigel thinks Kyle could have chilled out a bit.  Tyra says she would have liked to have seen her personality more.

The Brits rocked it.  The judges loved it.  Catherine did perfect booty tooching and smizing.  Nice to see her come to life.  Kelly loves Sophie.  Hers was her favorite performance of the day.  She’s not a strong dancer but she’s committed.  Nigel said Alisha’s totally professional.  She brought it 200% every time.  That’s what a star is to Tyra.  Annaliese stood out because she is so sweet.  Kelly says she’s totally believable.  Tyra says she’s the girl parents are OK with their daughters looking up to.

Move over Spice Girls!

Best performance:  Alisha

Bottom Two:  Kyle & Azmarie.  Azmarie gets sent home.

Bottom Line:  So not happy with that decision.  Should have been Kyle.  Dammit, Azmarie!  Why’d you have wait til panel to pull that stick out of your ass?

Bottom Line:

I was hoping they’d have forgotten about their superhero, but we are talking about Tyra.  Lord knows she likes some make-believe.

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