Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7, Week 9 – Bowling For Champs

One Sentence Summary:  Tamra gets her turn under the knife while Alexis is forced to face a Foxless future.

Eddie gets one last peak before Operation No Silicone gets underway.

My Thoughts:

Rachel:  It’s the day of the great boob reduction!  I gotta say that it makes me happy that she’s taking those flotation device down to a normal size.  Now, if she’d just back off the ‘Tox a bit, she’d be gorgeous.   Sorry, I prefer my Housewives au naturel… not that I’ve ever actually seen one, but I’ve heard about them…

Speak of the devil, Tamra stops by Heather’s for some wine and some chatter.   Heather says she wants to plan a bowling & champagne party.  I guess she has to plan a certain amount of events to fulfill her Housewives contract and would count as the second.  And I’m not even kidding about that.  I have it on good authority that the Housewives are told that they need to come up with events for Bravo to film.  Sorry to burst the bubble of them just being crazy party planners.  Anywho, Tamra won’t be able to make the bowling party because she’s having surgery and wishes Heather luck having Vicki & Gretchen in the same room.  This prompts Tamra to share with Heather that she’s wary of Brooks, Vicki’s boyfriend.  She can’t say that to Vicki, so she’ll say it to other people… on camera.  Heather says questioning someone’s man never ends up well for a friendship… ain’t that the truth.

The man in question, Brooks is back in the OC having lunch and the same conversation he & Vicki had last week.  Wait, this is the same date?  Am I having an acid flashback… without the acid?  What the hell?  I’ve seen all of this already.  Yeah, this is the same card he gave her last week.  Don’t mess with me like this Bravo people.  It makes me want to hide under the covers and not come out until the voices stop.  Well, I’m totally confused now.  Um, but anyway, Brooks asks about the financial details of her split with Donn.  Is that his business?  Well, she gives him full access to her phone, email and Facebook so I guess he could read about it anyhow.  Do she have access to his, I wonder?  I’m thinking she probably should.

Heather is inviting the girls to her bowling party via the speakerphone invites so popular on the Housewvies.  Vicki’s in for bowling and champers.  Sorry, Heather calls it champs… Alexis can’t bend over so she’s passing.  There are too many easy jokes there so I’m gonna pass.  Gretchen’s voicemail says to call Slade if you want to talk to her.  Are you joking me?  Officially, he must surrender his penis.

Oh, yippee!  Alexis is going to do another one of her highly investigative news

Um, no they can't pee in here while I'm preparing for my segment.

segments.   She shows off her very high-level of journalism by getting ready in the public bathroom.  I mean it’s not like she’s on-location.  She’s at the studio.  Well, she’s working her way up to that.  Maybe after her first journalism award… which won’t be coming after this segment.  Way to not know your one of your guest’s names or be able to pronounce what she does.  Even more awesome to not let your guests say a word…  You know the “experts” on the subject.  So no, Alexis, it wasn’t so much eye-opening like you said it was.

And speaking of women  in over their heads, Gretchen is off to rehearse for the Pussycat Dolls though she is still suffering from a sore throat after her fight with Vicki.  She tells her friend on the phone that she is supposed to be resting her vocal chords while Slade yells at her for not resting her vocal chords.  Doesn’t this seem like a lot of drama for having screamed at someone?  I mean I’m not a doctor, but this seems crazy.  Slade tells Rachel, the vocal coach, that Gretchen hurt her voice.  Rachel seems unmoved and plays scales for Gretchen to sing.  She looks horrified by Gretchen’s voice, and Slade in the background telling her it’s because she doesn’t stop talking isn’t going to help the situation.  Uh, anyone else think that Robin Antin got a frantic call after that rehearsal?

Time for the boob shrinkage!  Eddie says “tits”, but according to Tamra they’re titties.  I have to disagree.  I’m still back at “boobs”.  Titties is about one of my least favorite words.  Ever.  Up there with “moist” and “panties”.  Gag.  Eddie is not thrilled about her not adding any extra “cc’s” to the natural size, but she’s  not changing her mind… and not for a man… well, not for another man.  You go girl!  Somewhere out there Gloria Steinem is cheering!

And in a less evolved part of town, Alexis & Jim head out on a date.  He pretends to be chivalrous by taking her coat, but then throws it on the floor.  Um, did he really just do that?  That’s so rude on so many levels.  Then again, so is Jim.  He tells her that he’s proud of her for pitching in while he is grinding it out in a bad economy.  She’s proud too, but that only lasts about 30 seconds as he says the problem though is that it’s changing the terms of their agreement.  When they got married, they became one flesh… And in one flesh, wives stay home.  You have to be kidding me.  Where does it say that in the Bible?  Jim’s not happy his wife has a life, so Fox 5 has to go.  She has to say no to things.  There are only so many hours in a day to raise… wait for it… “his” children.  What a chauvinist pig.  Somewhere out there Gloria Steinem is crying.

Tamra has come out of the boob/tits/titty surgery with flying colors.  I love that they put make-up on her in recovery before getting her boyfriend or the cameras.  Vicki gets a call, but Gretchen shows up with gifts – A penis full of tequila for her induction into the Itty Bitty Titty Committee – and words of encouragement –  Be proud of who you are…   Aw, a nice girl power moment.

It’s bowling time!  And the champagne at a bowling party is exciting for Heather because she loves extremes… You know having to run errands in LA and taking a helicopter.  Yep, sure.  Right there with you.  {{{Insert eye roll}}}  I will agree though that champagne makes everything better.  Gretchen’s friend Sarah shows up uninvited.  Heather isn’t thrilled because Sarah is not her cup of tea.  But

I thought everyone was allowed to yell at Vicki?

there are bigger fish to fry as it’s the first meeting of Vicki & Gretchen since Bunko.  But there are hugs to open the night and I’d like to say perhaps it will be peaceful, but we all know the truth.   Gretchen says she is very “unproficient” at bowling… and English apparently.  Everyone is having a good time… until… Sarah pushes Gretchen to talk to Vicki.  Gretchen says it’s not appropriate.  Sarah disagrees and goes to send the message.  Well, at least that’s what we all assume when she sits down next to Vicki and asks if she can talk to her.  Vicki isn’t trying to have a confrontation and walks away.  Sarah is insulted and gives chase to let her know.  Let it go girl.  Let it go.  While Vicki wasn’t exactly gracious, we all know it wasn’t an innocent “Hey let’s get to know each other” sit-down.  Everyone knows it.  Even Gretchen.  I mean if Gretchen has Vicki’s back over yours, Sarah, you must be WAY off base.  Like next county over off base.  And yet, she continues to harass Vicki and then blows fire up Heather’s ass too as a parting gift.  What a banana.  No, she’s a full-on fruit basket.  So much for any chance of ever getting a spot on the show… 

Bottom Line:

Um, the ladies are going camping next week?  Why?  Even I don’t go camping….

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