One Sentence Summary: The ring does mean a thing.
Melissa: Yeah, I’m almost interested to see what this whole Kim / Kroy spin-off is all about, because really, she is NOT my favorite Housewife. Anyway, way to cannibalize a brand Bravo – cheers!
Rachel: I just saw that this is the 19th episode of the season. Nineteen! Nineteen weeks ago I was looking forward to Thanksgiving. Now, it’s spring and these women are still yapping about the same shit. I’m suddenly happy I have a glass of Chianti Classico to help me through this night… My grandmother opened a bottle at dinner, which didn’t turn out to be my favorite so I’ve been nursing it all night. Now, I have a vice grip on it and am hoping it starts to dull the edges off of 19 hours of NeNe.
The “Sit Down”
Melissa’s What Happened: Kim calls her informant Shereé while she heads to lunch with Cynthia to iron out their issues. Meanwhile, in Cynthia’s car, she calls on NeNe for her mental support to get ready for the confrontation with “Miss can talk about everyone like a dog”. Side note: I’m loving this ‘do on Cynthia. The ladies back and forth with you say dumb things, I say dumb things, blah-blah-blah. Now Cynthia apologizes and Kim seems to accept… Let’s see how long that lasts. Cynthia questions if Kim and NeNe can someday talk, which Kim shoots down like it’s duck season.
Rachel: So, Kim and Cynthia are going to lunch. Why? Didn’t you all come to an agreement that you talk shit about each other and move along? I’m pretty sure that happened and pretty sure we all were hoping you’d just move along. Seriously. I love that Kim blames it on the fact that Cynthia is not herself around NeNe, and yet, NeNe wasn’t actually around when Cynthia was “running her mouth”. Is this really that big of a deal? Can’t these women just say I’m sorry and move along? It always has to come wrapped up in a “well you said this so I said that but I’m sorry” burrito. Oh Cynthia, accept detente and go home. Don’t suggest a double date. And Kim, do not put Kroy at the same table with Peter. Oh wait, actually do that but please not until next season after I’ve had time to recover from this season.
NeNe In LA
Melissa’s What Happened: NeNe heads to LA with her assistant, to meet with producers to try to kickstart her acting career… Er, rather attempt to get one and score an Oscar. She checks into the Executive Suite and the Omni and her poor assistant only gets a regular room. What is he complaining about? A free trip to LA? Poor guy.
Rachel: Oh boy, NeNe is in LA. because she wants to act… like something other than a fool. And her goal is an Oscar. If NeNe is ever nominated for an Oscar, I am confident the world will implode. Immediately. What is her assistant complaining about? That’s a nice hotel room. I’ve been in rooms half that size for twice as much.
Put A Ring On It
Melissa’s What Happened: So Kroy heads to see Kim’s dad to ask for Kim’s hand in marriage. Aw, shucks isn’t he sweet!! Wait, Dad is going to give him the 3rd degree?? Um, shut up Pops, it’s a bit late to be throwing out such scrutiny… He done knocked your daughter up. Should have had this lecture earlier. He agrees to allow Kroy to marry his dauther and considers it an honor. BTW, what’s with that “Bob’s Big Boy” hairdo of Kroy’s?
Rachel: Wait how is Kim’s dad saying “good playing” to Kroy if he’s still training. OK, not the point of the scene, but you know I have to point that out. So Kroy wants to make an honest woman out of Kim and her father wants to play hard-ass about it. Yeah, that makes sense. Perhaps questioning Kroy’s commitment might have been reasonable conversation BEFORE he knocked her up. What a dolt. Yes, I said dolt. But then again, we’re talking about a man wearing pleated jean shorts so I think the word applies.
Goodie Drawer Supplies
Melissa’s What Happened: Suki and Mathieu meet with Kandi to show her some of the designs for her toy line, which they’ve designed to look like make-up. Shut up, the clit stick?? OK, so riddle me this… how does one get into sex toy designing? Sorry for the distraction, these new toys are cleverly designed as lipsticks (not sure if pun is intended) and compacts, but they’re not disguising Happiness & Joy.
Rachel: The clit stick… Uhhh…. I was about to go on about how cute the little pocket rocket is, but apparently that’s not what it is. I’m not really sure why one needs a dyed clit. Am I missing this trend? Is there something else I need to worry about? The color of my chooch? Eff off with that. I do still like the vibrator to music idea… I mean, not for me of course… but I’m thinking that could also go horribly awry. I mean what if you’ve got the ol’ iPod on shuffle and suddenly that one random thrash metal song you secretly like comes on. That could be painful. Just watching out for you ladies.
Come One, Come All… PLEASE!!
Melissa’s What Happened: At The Bailey Agency Cynthia and Peter discuss the response to Cynthia’s opening and dealing with it in Mal’s absence. Peter tries to make sure she understands the amount of people she can have in the space without getting shut down by the fire marshal. Her plan is 20 girls and 15 guys to kick-start her agency. Oh boy, I can’t wait to see this casting call… Because you know all the good models want nothing to do with New York or LA… Atlanta is where it’s at!
Rachel: OK, so her agency has been open how long and has done exactly what? Pretty sure we all attended that awkward grand opening a solid 10 weeks ago. The room fits 30 people and you have 300 coming and you can’t figure out that that might be a problem. Really? And you still haven’t signed a single model to the agency? What the hell have you been doing besides offending Kim about little black babies?
Meet the Parents, er… The Children
Melissa’s What Happened: Oh boy, Phaedra is back at the funeral home! This week they are teaching her how to help a family make funeral arrangements. Siblings arrive to discuss the plans for burying their father Phillip. I have to say, Phaedra does handle the family quite well and with sympathy. Sweet Mary, $7,295 for a casket? Man, just put me in the BBQ and be done with it. $14K for a funeral slapped on a credit card. No wonder Phaedra wants in on that coin. But she deftly convinces them to drop that much on daddy. And just when she’s about to collect, she is told that the mourning children are actually employees of the funeral home who were just pretending to be clients. Oh no they didn’t just mock her! That’s awesome.
Rachel: Yay Willie Watkins and Phaedra! Ooh, Phaedra gets to work with real live people today. Lolololol… Um, she’s taking the sympathy thing a little over the top. I mean I know you have to be kind, but I’m getting a cavity. I can’t lie… The casket shopping makes me a little skeeved. I just don’t get it. Do you need to spend that kind of money on a casket? It’s going into the ground to rot… Ha, Phaedra got played! Nice play, funeral people. Nice play.
Name Dropper’s Heaven
Melissa’s What Happened: At Crustacean with her assistant, NeNe dishes on meeting the creators of Glee to see if she can get a part. Steve and Marjorie Harvey (who is going to end up with back problems because of that 25 carat rock) stop by to chat up their “favorite” friend from Atlanta. Steve tells her it’s not the best place for family but she has to go in with a good attitude. She wants to bring Brent out to LA, but let’s see Greg’s thoughts on that. Apparently, this is NeNe’s night to name/face drop as she runs into Keisha Knight Pulliam at the same restaurant. They’re pulling out the big guns to offer NeNe advice on moving to LA for her career versus staying in Atlanta.
Rachel: Does the Bravo network have a deal with Crustacean? It’s a great restaurant but is there nowhere else to go in LA? Oh wait, I lived there. Yes, there is. Steve Harvey! Steve Harvey! I love him. Wow, his wife is rocking a 25 karat ring! I guess he’s sold a lot of dating books about the 90-day Cookie Rule – a piece of advice about not giving up the goods too early in a relationship. Damn, 25 karats. Yeah, I need to re-read that book. Now. BTW NeNe, not everyone should wear a bandage dress. Just some friendly advice.
Melissa’s What Happened: Kandi’s business partner headed out of state and the employees ditched so Kandi is working it at the store when Phaedra stops by and now we know that Phaedra and Apollo are having sex without birth control and he’s not pulling out. Yes. for all our male readers out there… This is how girlfriends talk to each other – and if they say they don’t… They’re just trying to cover for themselves. You’d be shocked at some of our conversations.
Willie (Big Willie Style) Watkins’s Party
Melissa’s What Happened: Phaedra invites the talls and the smalls to the event. Um, this is some crazy sort of party if you ask me. As the speakers drone on talking about how wonderful Big Willie Style is, Kim sees the opportunity to show off her new bling to Shereé (what’s up with the ‘do Shereé, running late from the gym?). Damn, that’s quite a rock and Shereé would be honored to be part of the wedding party. Phaedra finally gets her chance to make the announcement she’ll be partnering with Big WIllie for funerals.
Rachel: Why is everyone confused about why they’re there? You mean to tell me there isn’t a single sign anywhere about what event these woman are attending? And why does Cynthia look so pissed off? That wig too tight? Oh she’s mad because she rocked the Diana Ross outfit for an unworthy event. Phaedra said “church attire”. And shut up Kim. Try and be polite for 5 minutes. OK, 15 speakers would bore the shit out of me, too. That’s ridiculous. But please do shut up Kim. Oh, I see. She wanted to tell Sheree she got engaged. Fair but how about not in the middle of someone else’s event. Holy rock! OK, you got your moment. Now please can Phaedra have hers?
Melissa: Kandi’s toy launch for the season finale… Now that will be a fun finale especially if it sends “chaste” NeNe running.
Rachel: One more week! One more week! And now I’m dying to see the reunion after Andy let it slip on WWHL that it’s out of control.