Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7, Week 7 – Under The Knife

One Sentence Summary:  Briana & Alexis heal from their surgeries, while Tamra considers going under the knife herself.

Gretchen: Wait, the Pussycat Dolls want me to do what with my body? Slade: Shh, I'm picking out my next sugar mama.

My Thoughts:

Rachel:  I’m not sure I’m awake enough to fully comprehend what’s going on in the OC tonight.  Sorry, I’m working on a project for my real job and my client is in Australia.  This means their day starts at 6pm my time and it also means I’m a bit exhausted.  But I’m here and so are the ladies of the OC.  So, let’s go see Alexis get her nose broken, shall we?

Before we can get to Alexis’s nose, we go with Tamra to her plastic surgeon. Apparently Tamra was mad that everyone was getting attention for going under the knife, so she headed to the plastic surgeon to talk about getting her implants removed.  Actually, I respect her for it.  I wish she had felt like she didn’t need them in the first place, but according to her, in Orange County, big boobs are power.  That’s so stupid.  Then again, I think the OC in general is stupid.  Yeah, I said it.  It’s so plastic there that it makes LA look real.

Here’s Alexis… It hurts Alexis that people think she’s doing this for cosmetic reasons.  Why would she go through this expensive of a surgery to remove a bump?  Uh, first of all, you aren’t doing the whole surgery for cosmetic reasons but you have chosen to do a cosmetic procedure so can you really blame someone for jumping to that conclusion?  Second of all, have you seen the rest of your body (aka your boobs & lips)?  Whoa, do we need to be in the operating room watching aliens come out of her nasal passages?  Holy gag reflex!  I’m scarred for life.  I’m so thankful I have no interest in plastic surgery.  Well, I have interest in lipo, but no interest in paying for it.

Briana’s out of surgery and her doctor says she had one of the worst thyroids he’s

If I pretend I'm sleeping, maybe she'll go away.

ever seen.  Unfortunately, there’s a high probability that it’s cancer.  I can’t stand Vicki, but I don’t wish this kind of situation on anyone.   So awful.

Heather says she quit acting to raise her kids – It’s her “radical sabbatical”.  Love it.  I would like one.  I also have to say, I like Heather & Terry.  They seem like they have a good marriage.  And he is way less stuffy than he seemed the first time we met him.  Heather is still on her jag to open a restaurant.  She’s looking for space and investors to distract her from the radical sabbatical.

Gretchen is off to learn her routine for the Pussycat Dolls with Robin Antin.  She’s scared she won’t get it right.  Robin says it’s all about practice.  Go home and practice. Gretchen says her voice is messed up though from yelling at Vicki.  Way to hedge your bets, lady.  She knows she was born to be on stage though.  And Slade was born to be a stage mother.  Gretchen is really nervous and thinks she might kill Slade for this.  We won’t advocate killing, but leaving him on the side of a road, well, we’re all good with that.

Heather invites Tamra to jump in a helicopter and go to LA with her and her friends for lunch.  Really, a helicopter?  Though traffic is torturous on that drive.  So, I guess I can sort of not blame her.

Speaking of helicopters, Briana is back home resting while they wait for the biopsy results with Vicki hovering over her.  Do you want water?  How about some soup?  Should I open the windows or put on the air conditioning? Do you need your meds now?  STOP!  Vicki says she’s taking it personally that all Briana wants to do is sleep.  Really, Vicki?  Step off! Some things are actually not about you.  I know it’s a hard concept to grasp, but try it.

And off to LA go the ladies who lunch.  Heather is bringing Vicki as well so she can ask some questions they may not… you know, since she is a successful business woman.  Um, why do I think she may regret that decision?  Six women are going into business together with no formal agreement and Vicki finds that to be a horribly bad idea.  I’m going to have to begrudgingly agree with Vicki on this one.  They’re not worried though because they all get along so well.  Tamra says it’s a crock of shit that they all get along 100% of the time.  I’m gonna have to agree with her as well.

Owning a restaurant actually takes work, ladies.

Ah, Porta Via in Beverly Hills… an oldie but goodie.  The restaurant’s owner tells the girls that they need to figure out what the expectations and responsibilites are for each woman….  And get it in writing.  Point for Vicki.  She thinks they just want a clubhouse to spend their husbands’ money.  Damn Vicki, stop making me agree with you. Heather seems to think she can run a restaurant during the hours her kids are at school.  Vicki seems to think they’re all insane & is not shy about voicing it.  As Heather is about to shut Vicki down, Vicki is off on a phone call with Brooks.  Wait, wasn’t Vicki the one having a meltdown on Alexis for talking to Jim in the middle of dinner last year?  This woman is a walking screaming contradiction.

Over in rhinoplasty-land, Alexis is mad that Gretchen hasn’t come by to see her.  Somehow that’s Tamra’s fault.  PLEASE stop showing us the crap you pulled out of her nose!  Who thinks we want to see that?  I can barely stand Alexis let alone what is stuffed up in her sinuses.  Oh she’s so on my nerves…

On the way home to the OC via limo (no room for the add-ons in the helicopter), Vicki tells Tamra she doesn’t understand why people go out of their way to hurt people.  Uh, do you have a mirror?  Could you spend a few minutes looking in it and actually seeing the person you really are?  Meanwhile, Tamra gets an email that her marriage is coming to an end officially.  It’s difficult for her to not take all the blame as a parent.  Well, sweetie, you married a douchebag.  This is what happens…

Bottom Line:

An unusually quiet episode.  I’m not used to watching an episode with no screaming.  How am I supposed to stay awake if no one is screaming?

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