Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7, Week 5 – He Said What?

One Sentence Summary:  Slade decides to take his comedy career seriously which is not amusing to any of the ladies… to say the least.

The 80's are alive & kicking in the OC.

My Thoughts:

Rachel:  I’m still recovering from Slade’s unfunny comedy routine and disturbing pelvic thrusts on last week’s show.  I feel ill-prepared for what he’ll drop on us this week.  And since I’ve been behind on all the shows this week, I’m watching at 7am making a “cocktail assist” inappropriate.  Right?  Wait, but it’s cocktail time somewhere in the world… No, no, no, tea it is.  I’ll have to take Slade sober.  The things I do for this blog…

And right off the bat, it’s Slade who feels like he’s found his calling.  That’s right, he’s going to be a stand-up comedian.  What he’s failing to recognize is that you have to actually be funny to be a comedian.  Gretchen is less enthused by this new career path.  Slade promises to not discuss the other women which he thinks will please Gretchen.  As usual, he is clueless to what’s actually happening around him and misses the fact that she’s not pleased, in general.

In other parts of town, Heather and Tamra meet for lunch post-comedy hour.  Tamra is going to have another costume game night.  Last time was wigs.  This time it’s an 80’s party.  What is with these women and game nights?  Did I miss the hottest craze in girls’ nights out?  Heather & Tamra discuss the air-headedness that is Alexis.  Well, Tamra does and Heather keeps her mouth shut…. If you thinks it’s because she isn’t a gossip, you are wrong.  It’s because she was waiting to spill the “funny guy Slade” story.  Heather doesn’t understand how Tamra & Gretchen are going to be friends with Slade in the picture, but suggests shutting him down by killing him with kindness.  Tamra thinks it’s a great idea.  Tamra being kind to Slade… Now, this is going to be funny.  Finally some actual comedy!

Speaking of the airhead, Alexis is waiting for a doctor’s appointment and doesn’t want to be by herself.  She’s scared so she calls Gretchen who can’t make it, but she’ll meet for coffee afterwards.  Seems Alexis has got herself a deviated septum that is blocking her airway.  And you know, since the doctor’s going to be in there anyway, maybe he could work on that bump she’s got on her nose.  Ah yes, the classic tale of “No it’s not a nose job, I had a deviated septum.”  It’s as old as time.  I have quite a few friends who hadto have surgery to “help them breathe” and came out looking like Jennifer Grey.  Now, she’s panicking and crying because she is afraid she won’t wake up from anesthesia.  Then leave your nose the way it is!  She’s an idiot.  She really is.

Afterwards, she meets Gretchen and tells her the situation.  Gretchen makes a joke about her not being able to breathe either so she can get the bump on her nose removed.  Alexis is not pleased.  This is not cosmetic surgery you know… Except that it is cosmetic surgery.  But let’s spend more time talking about Slade.  He must be loving this episode.  Alexis thinks Gretchen should tell Tamra what happened before she finds out on her own….  Too late.

Slade continues his managing of Gretchen’s career by telling her that Robin Anton wants her to come to Vegas and dance in the Pussycat Dolls Show.  That’s right, more fame for Gretchen and more following her around for Slade.  She’s not sure she wants to do it.  I’m surprised, I’d expect her to jump at the chance to be on stage half-dressed.  While Slade helps her make the bed in their overly pink and overly girly bedroom that is clearly sucking what little manhood he has left from his body, he explains to her why it’s a good idea.  He says it’s a great opportunity (to keep her making enough money to be his sugar mama).   She finally agrees to do it… shocker.

Tamra calls Gretchen about what she heard Slade said about her in his stand-up.  They agreed to talk to each other before getting upset so that’s why she’s calling.  Gretchen apologizes and says she asked Slade not to do it.  She says they’ve even gotten into a few fights about it.  And all is right and calm.  Um, color me shocked.  Two Housewives just had a mature, rational conversation about something that happened.  It must be a sign of the apocalypse.

Tamra visits Vicki who is upset about Brianna’s health and apparently about not being skinny enough for the girls.  Say what?  Seems she’s heard about the Miss Piggy comment.  Vicki is just over it all and  Slade is just the icing on the cake.  Tamra tells her that killing him with kindness is the way to go.  And we all laugh at the thought of Vicki choosing the kindness path in any situation, let alone Slade.

Time for the 80’s party.  Gretchen’s going with crimped hair.  Alexis is going Madonna.  Tamra is an aerobics teacher and Heather went Robert Palmer girl.  Ok, I have to give it to the girls.  They rocked the costumes out.  The dice are rolling and Alexis channels Jesus to bring her some luck.  Everyone’s having fun until Tamra’s trainer brings up Slade.  Yeah, so much for that peace, love and happiness.  CJ, a friend of Tamra’s, has to stir the soup and calls Gretchen out for talking smack about the girls.  Gretchen says she didn’t say a word and Heather & Alexis back her up.  CJ finally shuts his pie hole, but Vicki is ready to blow.  Oh boy…

As if the blood in Vicki’s veins wasn’t already about to boil over, Tamra has a surprise for the ladies and it’s 80’s hottest men – aka the women’s husbands/boyfriends dressed up in 80’s garb.  It’s hilarious for everyone until… Slade.  Slade, the thorn in everyone’s side.  Why is he at the party, Vicki wants to know?  But we’ll have to wait until next week for the real fireworks to happen.

Slade vs Vicki, Round 1 – You call it.

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6 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7, Week 5 – He Said What?

  1. First of all, Bloody Marys are appropriate for 7am. At least at my house.
    Anyway, this episode made me want to scream. Alexis is such an idiot. Just say you want a nose job! It’s not as if you’re against plastic surgery- look at you!
    Slide is gross. Why Gretchen would even give him the time of day is way beyond me. GAG.
    Another nice recap, ladies!

    • Oh yeah… The Bloody Mary is a breakfast drink. As is the mimosa. Good thinking, Lisa. I’m prepared now for my next early morning Housewives viewing.

      Alexis truly brings new meaning to the expression dumb blonde. But an even dumber blonde is Gretchen for staying with Slade. I just read that he was seen shopping for engagement rings… With her money no doubt. Gag, indeed.

  2. Why is alexis always saying, “he just loves me”, why did he throw her coat on the floor at the restaurant? Alexis is maddening but I might feel sorry for her, I mean is anyone else suspicious about Jim?

    • Alexis says it to justify why she allows him to treat her like his property. And I have no idea what that whole coat throwing was about. My review of the episode is up. Let me know if you think I did it justice!

  3. Is anyone else cringing with Vicky’s new boyfriend. over the question of her finances?? Also, the Dr. asked what he did and the answer was skirted.

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