One Sentence Summary: This week three ladies go home after dates in Panama City as home dates loom.
- Our Thoughts:
Rachel: Well, I’m on my own once again to man the ship as my lovely partner is sunning herself in the Bahamas. Yeah… I’m thinking I got the raw end of this deal. How come she’s always the one on vacation? I’m gonna have to look into that. I’m clearly not doing something right. Anyway, I can’t totally complain because tonight is one of my favorite Bachelor moments; the two-on-one date. I love the two-on-one date. I do. It’s like the Thunderdome (to use one of my partner’s favorite comparisons in her absence) of Bachelor dating. Two enter. One leaves… usually in tears. How much better can it get? Pour yourself a glass, sit back and let’s watch the train wreck.
Rachel: The girls show up in Panama City and wonder why it looks so much different than when they were there on Spring Break. Last time, I didn’t have to use my Passport… Maybe it’s just me, but so far it’s not looking like Panama City is the most glamorous city in Central America. Just sayin…
The Bachelor Meets Survivor
Kacie B gets the date and Courtney is pretty sure she’s going to annoy Ben enough to get sent home. Yeah, I don’t think so, Courtney. Kacie B is totally getting a home date. Of that, I’m convinced. Anyway, Kacie had to pack 3 things to bring with her and she chose: a monkey stuffed animal, a Swiss Army knife type thing and a bag of candy. Ben is just so charmed by her choices that he must make-out with her immediately. Ben brings a machete, fishing net & matches which were not at all supplied by the crew. Kacie thinks Ben hacking at a coconut is sexy. She must not get out much. That’s not sexy… The David Beckham H&M commercial they just ran is sexy. Very sexy… What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Kacie & Ben survive the harsh wilderness. Yeah, that camera crew, helicopter and prop guy don’t come with you in real life. But I do give her much credit for coming clean about having an eating disorder. I like these two together… And that’s about as invested as I’m going to ever be in this show.
BTW, I find it amusing that her hair was flat ironed for her “confessional” video. Look, we already saw the effects of humidity. Let it ride.
Love Among The Natives
Man, that Courtney likes her breastesses. She’s an actual real life fembot who uses her boobs as a weapon. Way to be respectful and classy. Seems Ben appreciates her jumping in wholeheartedly in “more than one way”. Of course you do, Ben. Ah yes, once again, setting the example for young girls everywhere; flash a nip, get a man. Thank you for that contribution to humanity, Joe Francis. I weep for the future. I do have to say though that the other girls are making me crazy just standing around letting Courtney hijack the date. Why are you not stepping up to the plate? Get in there! Make a move! Idiots.
I’m Sorry, You Were Saying…
Lindzi & Ben don’t believe in fighting. Ha, that’s awesome. Yeah, I don’t believe in cellulite, but seems that too is inevitable. And then Ben tells us that the skinny dipping was unexpected so that’s why it was so memorable. Uh yeah, that’s what it was. That and the nakedness… but mostly it was the nakedness. Good Lord, how does he not see that he’s just stepping stone to more air time for Courtney, especially with her running around in her bikini in the background? Ben is distracted and poor Jamie is chopped liver. This girl is sweet and she really just needed to rock it out and kiss him in front of Courtney. That would have rocked his world and freaked her out. Emily freaked me out when she started to throw some drama at him about another man in her life, but loved it when she tells him that it’s the Chief. Good on ya, Emily. Way to make a joke and get back into the good graces of Ben. And because she learned her lesson, she gets a kiss! Crazy germ girl, is back in the race!
Passed Up In Panama
Well, sweetie, this is what happens when you give away the cookie too quickly. You satisfied his sweet tooth and the mystery is gone.
The Thunderdome Date
So help me if Rachel gets sent home over Blakeley. Blakeley should get sent home for the outfit alone. How many rompers does one woman need to own? And wow, they put them in two holy unflattering dresses. How many Muppets had to die to make those dresses? I am hoping for once the girl that isn’t overtly sexual gets the guy. Come on! I conjure the spirit of Gloria Steinem here to lift up the classy girl. Yes, I know she’s still alive but I’m stealing her spirit just for a moment. It’s necessary. I promise to give it back. And who uses magazine cut-outs to make a storybook after age 13? Well, I guess I did make one after I listened to the Secret but that was a vision board and not to be shared with anyone else. Just for my own inspiration. Though I did leave it out once by accident when a boyfriend came over. Thankfully, he was freaked out enough to pretend he didn’t see it but I’m sure he still tells the story of the scary girl with the marriage board. And I’m sure when he tells it there was a picture of him on it with a big heart around him… That part didn’t happen. It didn’t! Ahem… Anyway, stoked Rachel stays.
It’s Not You, It’s Me… And Michael
Oh poor Casey. Take it from me, sweetie, let go & move on. It won’t change. It won’t. Just won’t. No matter how much you want it to. No matter how much you love them. If he tells you he’s not going to marry you, he’s not. Listen to him. It isn’t the movies. He’s not going to come to your sick dad’s house, do the dishes while all your other relatives sit around drinking beer & then propose because he loves you more than he loves his worn-out pants. Sorry, I’ve clearly seen “He’s Just Not That Into You” too many times. I’m so feeling her pain right now. Poor girl. Come on over, Casey. I’ll pour you a bourbon and we can spend some time in the Broken Hearts Cub. Side note: Not a pretty crier.
Ride ‘Em Cowgirl
Methinks Jamie is going home tonight. In her effort to rock Ben’s world, she tries to give him a little of the sexy routine. Yeah, that stuff never really goes quite as smoothly as you imagine it. And this goes even less smoothly than that. Then giving directions about how to kiss really really takes the romance down another notch. Yeah, pretty sure she’s going home. Man, I’m so embarrassed for her. Seriously, horribly embarrassed for her because that really just happened… on TV… in front of millions of people. Yeah, that’s never going to go away.
The Rose Ceremony Week 6
Staying: Kacie B, Lindzi & Rachel have roses. Also safe: Nicki, Courtney & Emily.
Going: Blakeley, Casey S & Jamie.
No surprises here. Next week two more are sent packing and then it’s home dates. My Final Four: Courtney, Rachel, Lindzi & Kacie B.
They’re off to Belize next. So jealous.