The Bachelor Season 16, Week 4 – Park City Party

One Sentence Summary:  This week we head to Utah for some nature dates where the women get to pretend that they actually like nature.

Isn't it cool how I can talk without actually moving my mouth or having lips?

Our Thoughts:

Rachel: I hate to disappoint you all, but you’ve just got me tonight.  My partner in sass is attending to something a bit more important than Ben and his harem.  I know.  I know.  Is there anything more important?  Shockingly, yes.  I’m here to break that news to you.  I find that in situations like this, wine is a good solution.   As for tonight’s show, I’m still annoyed with the women after their hideous behavior last week toward Shawntel.  So, I’m not feeling a warm fuzzy for them.  However, I do have to admit that I’m warming up to Ben.  I think he might actually be a decent guy.  Now, don’t mistake this for a warming of the attractiveness factor.  That’s still not there for me… at all.  But I’m not mad at him personality-wise anymore.  Mostly.  Not totally.  That’s all I’m giving.

On The Wings Of Love!

Ben (aka: ABC's coffers) take the girls to Park City, Utah for some "nature" dates. Ben is excited to take the girls out into the "wonderful" landscape that features "every color of the rainbow". I really hope someone is scripting this for him and then forcing him to read it. Ben used to come to Utah with his father so it's also a very special place for him, which he is glad to share with the women.

Rachel:  Seriously, no Jeffrey Osbourne “On The Wings of Love”?  Come on.  What do I have to do?  I mean the show is certainly not afraid of cheese.  It’s certainly not opposed to milking the theme of love to within an inch of it’s life.  So, it would only make sense that “On The Wings Of Love” would be the natural soundtrack choice for the helicopter scenes.  I’d even settle for the muzak version at this point.  I can’t imagine it sounds much different.  What do you say, ABC?  Give Mr. Osbourne some love.  Meanwhile, I can’t wait to see these women feign love for all things nature tonight.

Rowing With Rachel

Tonight's first one-on-one date card goes to Rachel. Ben's excited to spend time with her since she's so laid back. Turns out she might be a little too laid back. After their romantic canoe ride, the picnic lunch Ben arranged feels like a struggle for conversation. Things don't go much better at the start of dinner until Ben does a little prying and opens the sealed jar that is Rachel. She admits to communication issues, which Ben, no doubt, finds charming. They kiss & she gets the rose.

So Rachel gets a one-on-one.  Right on!  This is my girl.  The name is just a coincidence.  Seriously.  I swear it.  OK, it helps.  But wow, this is an awkward picnic.  Come on, Ben.  Talk about your dad or something!   I have this girl going to home dates!  Lady, take a swig of the wine and start emoting.  That’s what we’re her for.  Well, I’m not, but Ben probably is.  Hey, there we go.  There is a personality in there!  Ben acknowledges that he has to be patient with the process.  Indeed, Ben.  Indeed.  Again, that Ben is making some headway in my likability category.  I reiterate, not hotness; just likability.  Ooh, and they’re having s’mores.  Make a fire, cook me up some s’mores and I’ll sing about my feelings like a canary.  Whatever you want to know, Imma let you know… after this last marshmallow.

A River Runs Through It

Jamie, Casey S, Blakeley, Lindzi, Sam, Kacie B, Nikki & Courtney are all invited out on a group date. They arrive in the middle of a field to see their knight in shining flannel arrive on a horse. Pretty sure Lindzi peed herself a little there. They find out they're going fly fishing and the girls squeal with glee as if their waders were designed by Gucci. While all the girls wait their turn for Ben to come and show them the skills one needs to catch lunch, Courtney grabs her rod by the shaft and gets herself some one-on-one time. While the other women grit their teeth, Courtney catches a fish and proceeds to woo Ben with baby talk and giggling.

Ha, Courtney on a group date.  This ought to be delicious.  She can do more talking without  moving her mouth.  She should look into ventriloquism.  She could be the next Edgar Bergen.  Look it up, kids.  And yes, we were warned that tonight is all about nature but I’m over it…  Seriously, am I watching The Bachelor on Country Music TV?  I mean it’s lovely and all, but meh.  Although I do love watching these girls pretend that they love being in waders trying to catch fish.  I’m sure a couple of them are actually cool with it, but let’s be honest, this is a long way from the VIP club for Blakeley.  Courtney makes her move & Ben just can’t help gushing about how much he loves spending time with her.  Dear Lord, he is thick into her fog.  When she catches a fish, he damn near proposes.   The other girls are so pissed off, the river actually begins to boil.  

At the cocktail party, the girls fight for time with Ben. Nikki gets some time alone finally and tells Ben that losing a loved one has taught her to embrace every day. He likes that so he kisses her. Then he and Kacie B get some alone time. She tells him how hard it is for her to see him with other women. He says he wanted to kiss her in the river so he kisses her. Then he spends time with Courtney who feels like her alone time was tainted because the other women are around. Ben wants to reassure her so he kisses her... and gives her the date rose. Sensing a theme here?

How has no one caught Mono on this show?  There is more spit swapped among this crew than at the Bunny Ranch in Vegas.  Oh wait, there’s no kissing there right?  Or is that just Pretty Woman?  Anyway, Nikki is in need of some one-on-one time because she has “huge” feelings for Ben… though she’s spent almost no time with him.  She says her philosophy about living every moment comes from losing her… uh, I have no idea what she said and I rewound it 3 times, so loved one it is… a week before she came.  Now, I’m not going to poo-poo someone’s loss but your philosophy on life is 4 weeks old?  That’s not a philosophy.  That’s still a notion at this point.  But Ben lost a friend recently and gets where she’s coming from.  He has this uncanny ability to have just had the same experience as the girl he’s with, which helps them bond.  Uncanny, I say.  Ben’s alone time with Kacie B makes Courtney crazy, so she steals him away for some baby talk and making out.  She really is a good fisher…. She’s fished about 100 compliments and reassurances from Ben tonight.  But it gets her the rose… Bitch. 


No Lip For You!

Well, not everyone made out during the Group Date Cocktail Party. Sam uses her alone time with Ben to launch at him about her dislike of the group date scenario. She's not sure what he's getting out of it and is really not thrilled to have been on three in a row. Apparently, this is her clumsy way of saying she digs him and would like to spend some time with him. However, it lands in Ben's lap with all the delicacy of an anvil and he has had enough of Sam. He says her behavior on the group dates has not been great. She's been emotional and he doesn't really feel a connection with her. So, instead of stringing her along, he sends her packing. So much for the grenade approach.

Damn Samantha, way to just drop a steel beam on his head.  I get being bold to make an impression but ripping the group date is probably not the best route… Especially, being that he doesn’t really get the choice.  And you walked right into him saying you’re highly emotional.  Whoops.  Wanna start over?  Oh wait, never mind.  No time.  Can’t say he made the wrong choice.  I mean she has a pink bag. Seems there is at least one thing that Ben doesn’t find charming.

Wanna See My Hole?

The other one-on-one date of the night goes to Jennifer. Ben takes her repelling into a cavern where they will be dropped into a pool of water. Yes, dropped. Apparently, "gently lowering" wasn't an option. She's scared, but Ben reminds us that relationships are all about trust. So, she goes for the white knuckle grip on the rope and goes down the hole all in the name of love.

After a drop into a pool, a run through the rain and some dinner, Ben feels a connection with Jennifer that he wasn't sure was there before the date. Wait, wasn't she the best kisser ever last week? That's a connection last I checked; albeit not the deepest of connections. Anywho, the date doesn't end there. Ben takes Jen to see Clay Walker perform, who apparently is some country music star. He's smitten and she gets the rose.

Ok there is exactly zero chance in Hell that I would be repelling into any kind of crater.  I don’t care if Christian Bale was naked at the bottom.  Well, maybe I would care a little bit.  And doing it in a bikini is even less incentive.  Then there’s the crashing into the water in a helmet with a chin strap.  Yeah, I’m going with a definitive no here.  But of course, the fact that Jennifer took the plunge with Ben impresses him and it could be the start of something wonderful.  Really, doesn’t take much, does it Ben?  You do realize that most of these women would have dug in their heels and said no effing way to the Golden Gate Bridge, fly fishing and crater repelling were they not on a reality show competing for your love?  But I don’t want to step on your moments of awe.  Carry on.  I’m sure someone is going to agree to a zip line soon enough which can only mean the start of something wonderful as well.  Am I the only one laughing at the cameraman running in the rain?  You know the poor guy is thinking that his paycheck really isn’t worth the humiliation.  Oy.  Now, country music… This is my nightmare date realized.

More Bad Strategy

So the girls are ready to rebel against Courtney. Ben has to know how horrible she really is. Monica, the voice of wisdom, says let him figure out her true colors on his own. No one's listening though, especially Emily. She uses her one-on-one time with Ben to let him know that Courtney is not who he thinks she is. It doesn't go over well with Ben and Emily is thinking she may go home. Emily continues her brilliant streak and tells Casey S, Courtney's only ally in the house, that she ratted her out. Do I need to tell you where this goes? Courtney confronts Emily about her being a tattle tale. When Emily pretends she doesn't understand where this is coming from, Courtney storms off while channeling Charlie Sheen... Winning! Um, more like, "Annoying!"

Wow, it’s amazing what the lack of TV can do to people.  Sitting around focusing on Courtney sure is a time suck.  I bet Blakeley’s just glad she’s not the one being hated on for a change.  But it’s time for the cocktail party and Ben grabs Monica for a chat.  BTW, I think the Monica bi-sexuality storyline was a total ploy by the producers to get people sucked into the first episode.  I really don’t think they thought Ben could hold the attention on his own.  But we don’t get to see the chat because Emily needs to get her confession on (and I have a feeling Monica’s going home tonight anyhow).  Have you never seen this show, Emily?  Men don’t want to hear negative shit about the girls they like.  And when he gives you the “out” to not throw someone under the bus, take the out!  But you can’t help yourself can you though and you just keep on going.  Now, you’re deep into the shit and it’s getting really stinky up in your presence.  And then to confess your confession to Courtney’s best friend in the house?  Wow, they really don’t teach common sense in your Masters program, eh? Although I have to smack Casey upside her head with her “Courtney’s one of the most genuine people here.” nonsense.  And so it begins… Courtney’s going after her prey.  Oh Emily, if you can’t handle the heat, don’t turn on all the burners in the kitchen.  Is there a rose ceremony happening?  Can it please hurry up and happen?

The Rose Ceremony Week 4

It's time for the Rose Ceremony. Not everyone is gracious about the process.... Elyse.

Staying:  Rachel, Jennifer & Courtney all have roses.  Lindzi, Jamie, Nikki, Kacie B, Elyse, Blakeley, Casey S, and… Emily.

Going:  Monica

Did I call it or what?  He had to make Emily sweat it out, but it was time for Monica to go.  Yeah, I didn’t think Monica was long for this world.  She had no screen time with Ben which never bodes well.  I’m actually surprised to see her crying.

Bottom Line:

So the gloves are off and Courtney’s ready to take down anyone that gets in her way.  Next week, they’re going to be in Puerto Rico so I assume all sparring will be done in bikinis.

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