One Sentence Summary: Get ready to flip your wigs, it’s moving time!
Melissa: It’s the big move for Kim’s family this week – finally we get a peek at the new digs! Sheree and Phaedra have a little sit down to discuss the fallout from Shereé’s court hearing. And The Bailey Agency has its grand opening and all the ladies are there… including Kim and NeNe in the same room for the first time since Cynthia’s wedding. Is it evil of me to want to see that “show down” so badly I’m wringing my hands in excitement?
Rachel: I just noticed on my DVR that there was a “sneak peek” of tonight’s show on Friday. What’s with all the sneak peaking? Are the Housewives in need of a ratings boost? Is the public finally tiring of the shenanigans of these spoiled women? I can’t imagine it! Well, I can. I’m just wishing the public would tire of the Kardashians first. And by first, I mean now. But we’re here for the Atlanta ladies and not my Kardashian soapbox. Seems all the ladies are making moves – be it a new home, a new lawyer or a new career path. I wonder which squeaky wheel will get the most grease (aka – screen time).
A Friendship Saved
Rachel: When did Sheree go to Law School? Phaedra just said it was a stall tactic. And stall tactics make a case… um, stall. Sheree thinks they should have been filing. Filing what? Then you’d be stalling a case you want to go forward. Oh Sheree, you really are so dumb.
Melissa: Shereé is second guessing Phaedra’s legal skills when it comes to them getting LAWYERED by Bob playing his court games. Now, it’s a game of money with the you didn’t retain me until the day before… even though they spent all that time talking about the hearing and planning the hearing wardrobe and what not. Thankfully, they are smart enough to realize it’s not a good idea to work together and risk a friendship. Personally, I agree with Shereé – I’d struggle with how to fire Phaedra too.
It’s OK. He Writes The Checks
Melissa: Kim is moving to the dream home that she’s spent her life trying to get to. She’s redesigning everything and whatever it costs… it costs! What’s with the Mafioso looks to your designer Kim? Really woman?
Rachel: I love that Kim is just free to spend Kroy’s money like it’s in endless supply. First of all, isn’t this being filmed during the lockout? You know, when Kroy isn’t sure he’s going to make any money that year? Second, at what point does Kroy get a say in this? Is it me or is he getting run over by the steam train that is Kim? Third, how lovely that she tells her decorator that she has one week to decorate a 13,000 square foot house and then calls her a bitch. This woman sucks. Seriously, please go get your own show so I don’t have to put up with you anymore.
Art + Cynthia = New York Class
Rachel: So this is Cynthia’s idea of bringing New York art “class” down to Atlanta. Yeah, animals reading books is probably not high-end New York art. But I guess maybe she meant an art class… She seems very determined to climb that Atlanta social ladder to the top. And that ladder, according to Cynthia, includes Marlo who says that she made her money by dating wealthy men because what’s theirs is hers. Uh, I missed that day in Finishing School. Could explain a lot about my dating history.
Melissa: Cynthia is still on her mission to bring New York class down to Atlanta (her words folks), so she invites all the ladies to a Gallery Opening. Perfect opportunity to get a little more NeNe screeching. Now, according to Cynthia, in Atlanta, having Marlo Hampton stop to the party is the stamp of approval… Man, how far can Bravo get up Marlo’s ass? Seriously folks? Kandi doesn’t seem convinced of Marlo’s work ethic, unless we talk about how she works it to get her cash.
Atlanta’s Power Couple… Poor, Atlanta
Melissa: Peter and Cynthia were selected to do a Power Couple shoot… Seriously, how do the Housewives all become this power couple? It used to be they all wanted singers. Now, it’s the Power Couple deal. Cynthia apparently didn’t look at the calendar to think she would have to mail invites for them to get there on time, and can’t pick up a phone to call her sister to take care of the invites. All these people talk on speaker phones all day long. Get your phone in your hand and dial it! Seriously? You are sitting in a chair getting make up, not performing open heart surgery!
Rachel: Ha ha… Tip of the hat to the sound team for adding that police siren over the Bar One shot, since we’ve all heard is that it’s in a bad neighborhood. So, now Cynthia & Peter are a Power Couple? And by power they mean two struggling businesses. M’kay. And really Cynthia, you can’t figure out how to get an invite out in time? Shouldn’t you have figured out the United States Postal Service by now? Not that Peter is any help at all. Lord, that man is an ass.
Protect The Wigs At All Costs
Rachel: Kim’s signature wall of all the people that came into her house and now don’t speak to her. I had a signature door in my college bedroom… Wait, that sounds terrible. It wasn’t like that. Friends that came over signed it. And moving on… Squirrel! Those movers aren’t exactly gentle are they?
Melissa: Moving Day… OK sorry I’m going off the rails a second. The wigs… how many wigs in the same color and cut do you need? I don’t understand… granted I say I don’t understand but I am also the woman who owns at least 7 pairs of black boots – I say 7 because there’s a chance the husband could stumble on this post and I don’t need him to know exactly what I have.
The Birds & Bees & Bryson
Melissa: NeNe and Bryson have “the talk” about needing to protect himself – why did I need to see that exchange? We all know I can barely tolerate NeNe on a good day.
Rachel: Haven’t we been trying to get Bryson to be more responsible for 3 seasons now? Seems to be working… You know, since he’s dropped out of college, been arrested twice and had rumors alleging that he got his girlfriend pregnant. Seems to really be resonating with him.
I’m A Little Bit Country
Rachel: No more “Tardy for the Parties” for Kandi. Can’t say as I blame her manager for dropping that edict down. Seems she also needed a better deal maker when it happened in the first place… She should have made most of the money for Kim’s autotuned singing. Hmm… Is country the right call? Well, it worked for Hootie…
Melissa: Kandi’s manager has a sit down to explain they need to be focused on business and not helping the friends break into the music industry. Hey now, Kandi is thinking of going Country?
The House That Gaudy Built
Melissa: We finally get the peek at Kim and Kroy’s new pad… Damn girlfriend done moved on up. How awesome must it be to just walk into a house and have it all taken care of? I love the look in Kroy’s eyes… You can almost hear the cha-ching going off over and over in his head. OMFG – I can’t believe poor KJ’s bedroom. I’m sort of at a loss for words… It’s like tacky got drunk with pretentious and obnoxious and they all vomited all over that room.
Rachel: I really don’t know if I could live in a house full of disembodied wig heads. But her decorator did make the house very “Kim” – over-the-top gaudy and full of pictures of herself. Who does that? Lord have mercy that nursery is awful. It’s like Ed Hardy exploded all over the place. When will people learn that Ed Hardy (and Affliction, if I’m going there) are not cool. At all. Then again, look at the t-shirt he’s wearing (again). I can’t take these rooms. It’s an assault on the eyes. Too much too much too much…. Must look away.
Seriously, Not OK
Rachel: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? Sorry you know I’m not one to drop the f-bomb willy nilly but that’s absolutely not OK. Someone please call CPS on this stupid woman. Did she really just pump her “titties” (more class from Kim) while driving and having her daughter steer the car? Oh, it’s on now. This woman needs to be taken down.
Melissa: Sweet Mary Kim is pumping while driving?? What the hell is wrong with you woman… and Bravo?
No, She Really IS A Little Bit Country
Melissa: Wow, Kandi isn’t messing around with this Country music idea, she’s even trying to work with Jo Dee Messina. Looks like girlfriend is off to Nashville, so now T-T-Tennessee (and yes, I do have to sing ala Arrested Development) is stuck in my head.
Rachel: Wow, no moss grows under Kandi’s feet. Jo Dee Messina is a big deal. I’m liking that she just jumped on that horse and is making it happen. I need a little more Kandi-type energy in my world. She’s amazing. She’s the exact opposite of Kim. The good and evil of Atlanta. I kinda like the song she was writing. She needs to get that produced even if it’s not with Jo Dee.
Making An Entrance
Melissa: All the ladies are stepping out to support Cynthia. Once again there’s no AC? Did Kim just challenge “who dates wealthy men and let’s them give her their money?” Anyone else hear the record scratch on that one?? Come again Kim! Enter NeNe for the showdown. But what’s this, she’s over shadowed by Marlo getting up in Khandi’s business – now that ain’t right! Wait, when did Kim become sane and realize the BS scene isn’t worth waisting a night out on??
Rachel: How are people supposed to know you’re having a party if you didn’t get them invites on time? I’m about over this woman, too. She is drama in a bottle. And why do she & Peter never go anywhere together? Kim says Marlo sleeps with rich men and they give her money and then asks “Who does that?” Uh, you, Kim. That’s who. Big Poppa ring a bell? All kinds of delusions happening tonight…. Nene used to be a model? Is “model” code for “stripper”? And Marlo got her money from God. I would love to live in a world of delusion like these women. Personally, I think Marlo is picking a fight with Kandi because she knows it will get her airtime. Do I even have to say anything about Peter being MIA at Cynthia’s opening? No, because you know it’s all editing and he’s just outside or in the bathroom. I’m on to you Bravo. I’m on to you.
Melissa: Wasn’t overly impressed by this week sadly, there was so much potential for a showdown – but our Housewife hopeful Marlo tried to steal the show.
Rachel: Yippee! Next week we’re back to Phaedra and her funeral business!