One Sentence Summary: Kim has a baby but it seems we have to wait for her spin-off to get any footage of the event.
Rachel: So yeah, Kim has a baby. Woot. I’m hoping that when she gets her own show she’ll no longer be part of this show because I’ve heard all the “Sweetie!!!!!” and on-mic peeing I can take. Besides, less Kim, more time for Phaedra and isn’t that what we all want anyway? Of course it is.
Melissa: Kim’s baby is finally coming – do you think she’ll go all festive with a new wig to mark the occasion? Cynthia and NeNe go on a business trip – um, for what? Shereé has finally gotten past her tears and is ready to take Bob to court – she must want a two story theater in the Chateau. Thankfully I’m back on the hooch for tonight’s episode with my favorite friend Twenty Bench Cabernet Sauvignon from Nine North wine company.
Where There’s A Wig, There’s A Way
Melissa: Wait, Kim packs a back up wig for the doctor’s appointment?
Rachel: It looks like Kim is bringing a spare head along with her. The wig head is probably as smart… It’s definitely nicer. While I am clear on the fact that I have never given birth, I’m thinking that Kim might want to wait until the labor kicks in before she becomes a raging beatch. Wonder if they’re gonna make her take her wig off for the actual delivery. As you know, I’m DYING to see what’s going on under there. What do I have to do to get my “Melrose Place Kimberly Head Scar” moment?
In The Closet
Rachel: Who paints their closet black? Doesn’t Cynthia know that warehouses paint their walls black because it makes it harder to see the imperfections? I guess that’s why she keeps Peter in there.
Melissa: What’s up with Cynthia’s closet?? That place is crazy – I thought my closet was packed to the hilt! Is there really a need for a café table in there?? She’s off to NYC to meet with Russell Simmons to talk to him about her agency – oh snap she dated him? Man I’ll bet she’s kicking herself for not hanging on to that!!
The Dirt – Literally & Figuratively
Melissa: Shereé is showing off her dirt to her Mom and drops the bomb she’s finally decided to take Bob to court for the child support. Oh, what a touching Mother / Daughter moment of man bashing. Shereé’s mom tells her she once had to go after her ex for child support… Ah, bonding moment! Here’s the question, if she’s making money and can afford to build herself a tricked out “Chateau”, why does she now need child support?
Rachel: Um, methinks child support isn’t about needing it but about the father taking care of his kids the way a father is supposed to. What does that say to a kid that their father doesn’t want to contribute to their lives? I actually feel for Sheree here. That ex of hers needs to uncross his eyes and start writing a check.
Before There Was Kimora, There Was Cynthia
Rachel: I love that Cynthia puts on glasses for her business trip. You see, glasses indicate “I’m here for business”. Oh what a surprise, Nene doesn’t think the hotel is big enough for her. Apparently, Miss Sophistication hasn’t stayed in NYC too many times. I’ve actually been in rooms small enough to be able to open the door from the bed. No lie. And seriously, if I have to see that smug Nene face one more time, I’m seriously going to jump into the TV to smack if off of her. You know, since the performers are inside my TV.
Melissa: NeNe and Cynthia hit NYC for their business meetings. Wonder if she’s going to meet Trump for drinks? Um, Russell proposed to Cynthia?? All sorts of revelations about Miss Cynthia tonight.
How Phaedra Does Law
Melissa: Oh now we get to see Phaedra’s law skills arguing on a drug possession. He gets off with probation. BAM… Lawyered! With a cash payment, guess that’s how they roll in the south.
Rachel: Well, that’s one high-class client you have there, Phaedra. I’m not sure how that happened. Maybe his “Highness” can orally pleasure himself and that is how they met. And the fact that he pays her legal fees in cash is really just another indication that he’s an upstanding Atlanta citizen. Come on now Phaedra, you don’t have to be a bottom feeder.
Russell The Roller Coaster
Rachel: So, I’m thinking that if the first moments of a business meeting are discussing your accusations of calling someone a cheater, it’s not going to go all that well. But she’s got her glasses on so Russell is confused and under her spell. It’s like Wonder Woman’s truth lasso. So, basically she wanted him to use her models and he wanted to tell her what to name her company. Guess who wins the conversation.
Melissa: Here Cynthia goes again trying to push her modeling agency to Russell Simmons to get some help and I’m not sure what else – but seems Russell isn’t picking up what she’s putting down and offers his own advice on how to approach the Agency – let’s see if she listens or thinks she knows better.
What’s That On Your Head? A Wig!
Rachel: Uh, Kim just said she doesn’t smoke cigarettes. Yeah… I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn’t smoked while being pregnant, but they may want to know that you were billowing smoke like a factory during the Industrial Revolution prior to that. Just a thought.
Melissa: That’s right, Kim WILL wear her wig in Labor & Delivery. Why the hell is she completely freaking out? Woman, my child showed up 3 months early by emergency c-section and I wasn’t as crazy as you! Get your meds and chill.
All The Momma You Ever Needed & More
Melissa: Poor Momma Joyce in the girdle!! OMG, she called herself a drag queen! I love you Momma Joyce!
Rachel: I love that Joyce is getting herself on the dating sites… though I’m thinking maybe we could have given her a bit more respect than showing her in a girdle. But Kandi gives her quite the makeover and she looks, dare I say it, Cougarlicious.
Show Some Respect… Unlike I’m Doing Right Now
Melissa: DAMN, Bob pulled a fast one on Shereé to reduce child support. OK, let me get the soap box for a second. Why the hell is she on speaker phone letting her son hear that conversation? That is just wrong, I’m sorry. I liked you up to that point. Your job as a parent is to keep your child hidden from reality of your shitty situation.
Rachel: Oh Sheree, you had handled your business well up until now. Why does that child need to hear your mess?
Partners with benefits?
Rachel: Uh… What on earth was that? Look, what woman wouldn’t want to be showered with gifts? I know it’d be a lovely change of pace for me. That being said, if the gifts are being showered on you by an oily beauhunk who is as smooth as sandpaper, the “gift” he’s hoping for in return is going to go without repayment.
Melissa: He ordered for her? Word of advice to our male readers… unless you absolutely can read your woman’s mind… don’t order for her. Not a good call, heed my advice. Ew, anyone else feeling icky watching this exchange? I seriously might have to smack someone who behaved that way. OK, now why don’t I have a business partner who showers me with gifts?
But Are You Happy?
Melissa: Oh boy, Cynthia is dishing on the Atlanta Ladies and their love of labels – that’s going to set someone off. Hey now, when did the serious talk sneak in? Poor thing misses New York. Wonder how this will play down the road? I’ll make the call now… not well.
Rachel: Kudos to Kithe on the weight loss and for being a real friend. The Beverly Hills Housewives should take a note on how it’s done when you care about someone and see them in pain. It’s a hard life when you’re living it knowing that you’re not being true to what will make you happy. Trust me… The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself and make the hard decisions that will lead to an authentic life. Welcome to a Very Special Two Winey Bitches. I may have been reading too many “O” magazines.
If She’s Not Cussing, She’s Not Ready
Rachel: Well, that was a nice moment.
Melissa: KJ is here!! Let the wonderment begin: “that was inside you” – yep, that’s pretty much how it works folks.
Melissa: We’re still fluffy without much excitement… again, but hey there was a baby, and opera, and Russell Simmons. More importantly, let’s not forget the BONUS EPISODE!
Rachel: Ok, seriously, I need more Phaedra at the Funeral Home. What happened to that storyline?