Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 12: The Great Divide

One Sentence Summary:  It’s time for Kennedy’s 5th birthday party, but who will attend after the dust from Lisa’s tea party settles remains to be seen. 

The horse Taylor modeled her lips after.

Our Thoughts:

Melissa:  Wrap up of the intervention tonight… I really can’t imagine how it will end up now after Camille’s blow up.  Well at least we know Kennedy’s birthday party will provide a platform for things to get even more awkward.

Rachel:  I feel like we’ve hit the part of the season where we start being fed more and more information about Taylor’s marriage.  It’s almost as if Bravo was breaking us in gently.  We’ve been doggie paddling around the shallow end of the drama pool being distracted by the likes of Brandi and Dana.  But last week, we were pushed toward the deeper waters and we may be treading water there by show’s end.  And it’s really hard to be snarky in the deep end.  I think it’s going to get a lot uglier before we’re back to sunshine and rainbows … AKA – The things Kim sees after a dose of her meds.  Look!  There are things left to be snarky about!

Welcome Back To The Lion’s Den

We are back at Lisa's tea party where Camille confronts Taylor about the things she has said about Russell. Taylor has no interest in hearing it so Camille storms out giving Taylor the opportunity to turn it back to Lisa. Once again, Taylor is at the Jr. High lunch table by herself being ignored by the popular girl. Lisa calmly apologizes yet again and promises to be Taylor's friend. Now, all is right in her crazy world.

Melissa:  So, the ladies call Taylor out on the abuse.  End result is a new alliance for Taylor and Lisa.  Unfortunately, Kyle’s not picking up with the ladies are putting down.

Rachel:  Taylor vs Lisa ends in a draw, but Taylor vs Camille is on!  Camille says what we’ve all been thinking.  I give her props for that.  It’s hard stuff to hear in the sense that you don’t want to ever think someone is lying about abuse, but it’s also hard to hear for Taylor, I imagine.  Coming clean is never pretty and neither is facing your shit head on.  But somehow we end up back to Taylor crying about Lisa.  Uh, someone just called you out as possibly lying about abuse.  Why are you not defending yourself???  Why are you only focused on Lisa being your friend???  WTF is going on in this house???  I give Lisa mounds of credit though for just putting Taylor’s cray cray aside and taking the high road.  I don’t know that I would have handled it with such calm and class.

Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water

It's moving in day for Kim & Ken! They are butting heads a bit about what goes where, especially a piece of art that is either a ship or a bridge. Kim's not really clear on that... or much of anything else. P.S. - It's the Golden Gate Bridge.

Rachel:  Ok, and we’re back again… Back to Kim stuttering and slurring her words.  It’s like she slides in and out of clarity.  How does one actually mistake a bridge for a ship?  And no, they do not look like sails.  Don’t even go there with me.  Just for the record, that is the dumbest art hanging I’ve seen in a long long time.  One more thing for the record Kim, Arabian Horses don’t meow.

Melissa:  Meanwhile back at Ken’s pad, Kim has a vision… yet can’t find the words for the vision – but, she’s an Arabian Horse.  Damn the kookiness continues!  I love that little nut job!

Black Mood In The White House

Faye Resnick stops by to talk about decorating ideas for Kyle's house. However, as it usually does, the conversation turns to Taylor and her abuse accusations. Faye, being an actual expert in the area, gives Kyle advice about being a good friend to Taylor while she goes through this.

Melissa:  Kyle takes a moment to confide the Tea Party gossip to Faye and Mauricio.  Faye does share some insight of the complexities of abusive relationships, maybe it will help Kyle understand how she can spin Taylor situation to somehow be about her.

Rachel:  Oh thank you Faye!  I was seriously just thinking that I could not live in a house that was so totally stark white.  It’s like living in a really high-end asylum.  There’s nothing warm or inviting about their home.  So, Faye says Taylor just doesn’t want to address the abuse issue and she’s an expert… That’s real.  Not snark.  I know it’s so rare that I have to actually state it when it happens.  So, it’s back to tip-toeing around the issue and just being there as a shoulder for Taylor.  Being that we all know how this plays out, I’m gonna say that’s maybe the wrong call… Hindsight being 20/2o and all.

More Pink!

Pandora stops by Villa Blanca to show her mom the bridesmaid's dress that she picked out... Do I need to tell you it's pink? She also would like her mother to attend her Bachelorette Party at Planet Hollywood in Vegas. That place still exists? I guess so if their dear family friend owns it and is offering to throw the party. Would be awkward if they got there & it was boarded up.

Rachel:  Well, it’s pink.  Very very pink.  I do love that she wants her mother to come to Vegas for her Bachelorette party.  And I love that Lisa doesn’t want to go.  Good mom.  So many mother’s would come and be either the wet rag or the polar opposite, which is never pretty.

Melissa:  Pandora and Lisa discuss the Vegas Bachelorette Party at the Planet Hollywood – can’t wait to see this final product!!  Methinks with all her “oh, I don’t want to go” Lisa has no intention of NOT going and trying to control every aspect of the Bachelorette – and maybe “accidentally” rubbing up against a dancer or two – anyone else just vomit a bit?

Your Regularly Scheduled Lunch Meeting

As Housewive are apt to do, Camille, Adrienne & Kyle meet for lunch to discuss another Housewife. In this case, it's... drum roll... Taylor! Didn't see that one coming, eh? Camille feels badly about upsetting her, but doesn't know what to do since she won't return her texts. The other ladies are pretty much of no help, as they don't know what to do either.

Melissa:  The gossip lunch with Adrienne and Kyle to discuss Camille’s blow up at the tea party turns a bit anticlimactic as the ladies have no ideas of how Camille can make amends with Taylor for exposing what Taylor has apparently whispered to all of them.

Rachel:  Ah, LA Farm… Many delicious breakfasts were had there.   But we’re not here to wax poetic about the goat cheese frittata, we’re here to rehash Lisa’s tea party.  It’s interesting that Camille is trying to apologize when she was just speaking the truth and saying what everyone else wanted to say.  And I’m glad Adrienne sticks up for Camille.  She’s right.  If you don’t want your friends to have an opinion about your life, don’t tell them about your life… And don’t call them friends.  I’ve never understood women that don’t want their friends to actually tell them the truth.  What is the point of having friends then?  I guess that falls under the umbrella of Ignorance Is Bliss… And maybe it really is.  I wouldn’t know, but I’d maybe like to visit just for a little bit.

Git Along Little Doggie

Taylor's birthday party... Er, I mean Kennedy's birthday party gets off to a rough start when things don't get set up as quickly as Taylor would like. But as it usually does, somehow everything ends up in it's rightful place... Including the day's entertainment, which comes in the form of Ace Young from American Idol from like 7 years ago. How can the bouncy house, the petting zoo or the mechanical bull compete with that?

Rachel:  Oh boy… Here we go with The Good, The Bad and The $2k Birthday Cake.  Taylor is freaking because nothing is set-up, but Dana lets us know that Taylor insisted on doing it by herself this year.  Gee Dana, I wonder why Taylor wanted to handle most of the party herself.  Maybe it’s because you tried to serve her merengue fluff on a table with cotton ball dominoes.  Oh Dear Lord, Ace Young from American Idol is singing.  He looks as embarrassed for himself as he really should be.  And he’s hitting on Taylor.  Wow, the sad part is that this is probably a high point in his career.

Melissa:  Yeehaw, it’s time for the over the top, I’m not overcompensating for anything birthday party for Kennedy!  Unfortunately nothing seems to be set up with only 2 hours left to get ready for the party.  OK, so I’m going to be a smart ass here (I know, shocking), but this is why normal people have their children’s parties at places where all they do are kid’s parties.  They know what they are doing!  PLUS, the cost doesn’t rival that of a new Mercedes Maybach.  Just a piece of advice from one mom to another.  While I’m doling advice (as you all know I love to do), maybe if you made your daughter’s party about her and what she wants she might not have a scowl the entire time.

He’s Baaaaaack!

The ever-creepy and ever-pushy Kevin Lee stops by to show Lisa, Pandora & Jason invitation ideas, including $115 a piece scrolls and $150 a piece invitation boxex. Pandora is enamored by the boxes (Pandora's Box) and Kevin insists she have them. Of course he does.

Melissa:  Crazy Kevin Lee is back and pushing his over the top invite ideas.  Maybe it’s the practical side of me, but really, $150 per invite?  Then the dubbing of it as “Pandora’s Box” by this group??  Is that really what you want people thinking about our wedding and marriage?  Give paperless post a call… Just sayin.

Rachel:  Nooooooo!!! It’s that creepy Asian Franck Wildenstein again!  That hair can’t be real, right?  I really cannot take him.  I cannot take him showing them invitations that are $150 a piece either.  Does it get more gauche?  OK, while I do actually like the idea of Pandora’s Box, I hope Lisa says no.  I doubt she will, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Meanwhile Back At The Ranch…

Wow, all is not well at the OK Corral. Taylor is still mad at Camille and says if she shows up, she'll be shoveling shit. Adrienne is disappointed at Lisa for not having Pandora's Bachelorette at her casino, The Palms. And Kim still wants nothing to do with Brandi, who tries to extend an olive branch. Then there's Kennedy who is less than pleased that her new dress has not yet arrived... The new one that looks exactly like the one she already has on. Good times!

Rachel:  I am sorry, but I have issues with the ponies strapped to a roundabout making them walk in circles all day with their faces in another pony’s ass.  I just think it’s horrible, and I’m soooo not one to get on a soap box about animals.  But this is wrong.  What else is wrong is Taylor being mad at Camille still… even after apologies… for saying something out loud that Taylor said to her.  I think she just needs someone to not like.  Easier to be mad at a woman than deal with your own issues.  This woman is seriously bananas.  And Kyle agrees with me!  This is a first for sure.  And didn’t Lisa just say the owner of Planet Hollywood was one of her dear friends?  Do these women not realize there is a world outside of their own?  Don’t make me hate on you, Adrienne.  Please.  I generally like you.  Generally.  Sigh… These women exhaust me.  And Kim is still being a bitch to Brandi…  Boy that is going to embarrassing when she sees that tape played back at the Reunion.  And let me say, I can’t wait. 

Melissa:  Oh hey now, another point of friction for the ladies… Adrienne is upset Lisa didn’t come to her to throw the Bachelorette Party at the Palms but going off to the competition.  Oh the ladies are all falling apart this season – so yes, you have my interest ladies, bring on the arguments – as petty as they may be!  Hee hee… I am loving the showdown music for Brandi and Kim.  Way to play it Bravo, way to play it!!  Seems Kim follows mom’s plan of just ignoring something you don’t like.  Thankfully Dana is right there up Kim’s ass to justify that childish behavior.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

The party winds down with Russell wanting to wait on giving Kennedy her cake because her gift hasn't yet arrived. Dana has no interest in waiting as they scheduled the cake for 3pm. Russell lets her know that it's not really her decision and we wait for the present... The present being a purebred horse for a 5-year-old. Oh, and a custom song from that singing legend, Ace Young.

Melissa:  OF COURSE THEY GOT KENNEDY A HORSE!!  That is the perfect gift for a 5 year old… and the cooky-la-la situation continues.

Rachel:  Ok, so the only thing I have to say about the Russell-Dana face-off is that maybe Russell should get to have some say in his daughter’s birthday party.  From what I’ve seen today, I feel like he’s just been run over by a steam train named Taylor.  I mean Taylor gives a speech about her daughter and her party and her life… not one “we” or “our”.  Yeah…  Oh and BTW, this song is tragically bad. TRAAAAGICALLY.  You make everyday a birthday to me?  I’d vomit if it wasn’t so funny…

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Yep, right there in the deep end of the insanity. 

Melissa:  Is it bad that I’m just hoping Kim starts drinking so we can get another Brandi – Richards girls mouth off?  I mean come on… no throw down at the hoedown??  Seriously, Real Housewives of Atlanta really has me expecting more from my Housewives.


2 responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 12: The Great Divide

  1. Ladies, “meringue fluff on a table with cotton ball dominoes”??? Best. Sentence. Ever.
    Great recap, hilarious!

    • Thanks! I’m still not over that debacle Dana called a party. If there is no cheese being served, it’s not a party. If your 5-year old could have made the decorations, it’s not a party. And if you’re trying to pass off colored air puffs as food and expecting me to be happy about it, it’s not a party. =)

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