One Sentence Summary: The Finals are finally here and it’s time for the freestyle.
Rachel: I have mixed emotions about this being the finale of DWTS. For one, I’m sad that I’ll only get to enjoy one week without Hope & Maks and their sour attitudes. I’m also sad to see this end because it means that Monday nights on ABC will be filled with The Bachelor starring Ben Flapjack (I can’t be bothered to look up his name at the moment, but I’m sure that’s pretty close), who bores the tar out of me. So, unless ABC is going to have Carson Kressley do some color commentary during the Rose Ceremonies, I’m not sure I am happy to see this end. There is one thing though that thrills me… That tonight is only an hour. It’s a gift from the reality gods.
Melissa: Finally, it’s almost over… More importantly it’s Mexican Monday, which means sangria and some delicious Mexican vanilla liqueur the restaurant serves with the check. I’m going to say it right here… right now. If J.R. does not take home the mirror ball I WILL NOT watch another season of this evil show! There, I said it. OK, I declare it knowing full well I will cave to my partner’s inevitable “Bitch, you’ll watch”.
Melissa: May I take this moment to say how fantastic Ricki looks! Not just the weight she has lost (Awesome on it’s own), but she really just glows and is purely enjoying herself out there. I can’t hate on that. Good job girl, you rocked it – ENJOY!
Rachel: Carrie Anne is in the studio to help Ricki find her sexiness. Ricki can’t do it because she’s got the big girl chip on her shoulder. Girl, stop it. You look great! Rock the sexy. Seriously, her legs look phenomenal. I need to get me some DWTS workouts going. I’m actually surprised there isn’t a DWTS video game for the Xbox or Wii yet. See, again, I’m over here with the ideas people. I will gladly share them with you ABC producers… Nominal fee included, of course. Ricki looked great. Not sure this was the most exciting choreography Derek could have brought to the dance floor but was still well done. Len says it was action-packed and a dance deserving of the final. Bruno says she’s never been sexier but a slight lack of fluidity. Carrie Ann says she’s looking fierce and she was living the dance.
Melissa: Damn it. I do adore a pretty waltz. No, not going to cave… I don’t like it – it stinks of Kardashian. Out of spite, I don’t care for it. Nor do I care for the K clan’s bellows from the sidelines.
Rachel: Bruno shows up for Rob’s rehearsal and calls Rob “demented”. I believe if you look in the Metaphor Dictionary, that is the definition under “The Pot Calling The Kettle Black.” I really have to admit that I hate that Rob is dancing so well. (I also hate this really bad wanna-be Titanic-esque cheeseball song.) There’s a scary contingency out there that loves the Kardashians and I fear their voting power is mighty. Personally, I think they should be kicked off the island but that will only happen when I rule the world. Oh, and don’t think I’m not working on that. Bruno says he messed up some of the footwork on the crossovers. Carrie Ann says he’s the male version of Cinderella. Len says he lost his posture a few times but it was simply beautiful.
Melissa: J.R. and Karina take the final twirl of the round to the cha-cha-cha… hopefully the ankle is healed up and he can rock it. Yeah, I don’t know if it’s J.R. nursing his ankle, but they seemed a little choppy at times and not as fluid as they usually are.
Rachel: That would leave Len to come to J.R.’s rehearsal. He helps J.R. find the rhythm of his hips. Alright J.R., now just work it. Work it! Oh look Karina stole Ricki’s Big Bird outfit and repurposed it for her own use. Hmmm… He moved those hips but I’m not sure his footwork was as on point as it could have been. What say you judges? Carrie Ann says everyone loves him but his musicality was off. Len says it was brave that he did a lot of that dance on his own but it wasn’t that good. Bruno really likes the mood he set but his hands at the beginning were a bit out of place. Argh, not good… Not good.
Melissa: Derek and Ricki come out swinging, but in my opinion (cause that’s what I do)… I didn’t really care for it. I liked their first dance better. It was bouncy and energetic, but to me, I don’t know. Something was missing. The judges don’t share my opinion, so good for Ricki – I do think she’s been amazing this year.
Rachel: Ok, this is where Derek needs to pull out the awesome choreography on this one. Derek’s strategy is to be hard on Ricki because when he is, she does her best. So, he pulls a Maks and tells her to shut her face. Ok, there’s tough and there’s being a dick. Pretty sure that Cha-cha-cha’d on over the line to Dicktown. Well, I do like the “White Swan Ate The Black Swan” outfit but I’m not sure it was her best dance ever. It started stronger than it finished. The stumble at the end didn’t help. Len says it was fun, entertaining but she lost it a bit in the Quickstep section. Bruno said it was the most demanding of dances but she did a good job. Carrie Ann said she loved the way she went from extreme to extreme.
Melissa: Rob and Cheryl put on a good show with their freestyle… but you know me, I’m anti-K so I shant like it on principle. And if they get a perfect dance, I’m going to flip my sh*t! Well slap me across the face and consider my sh*t flipped.
Rachel: Well, he pulled out a great dance. The judges are going to love it and, even though he clearly made a goof (You could see him say “sorry” to Cheryl during the dance), they’re going to love it. He’s their dark horse and I feel like they’re playing it up for the sake of the show. Am I going all Grassy Knoll because I don’t like his family? Maybe. Am I going to apologize for it? Nope. Let’s see if I’m right. Bruno says “Brilliant” across the board. Carrie Ann says she’s blown away. Len said he gave his all and he should be proud. What did I tell you? Perfect score. I stand in protest. Well, actually I recline in protest.
Melissa: J.R. and Karina have a tough spot following the perfect dance with their salsa-inspired routine. They’ve done it before. Let’s see if they have the magic for a perfect freestyle. OK, well hot damn those kids rocked that dance floor!!! If this isn’t a perfect dance… that shit I flipped earlier? Well, I’m going to flip it again my friends… flip it all over the place! PERFECT SCORE!! HELLS YEAH! Way to send us off tonight my lovelies, you done me proud!!
Rachel: OK, J.R. you had better dance like your life depends on it. For reals. Not only do I need you to win because you are my boy, but I need Rob to not win. Double double here friend. The fact that Karina panicked in rehearsals this morning isn’t inspiring confidence over here. Well this is a toe tapper and they totally rocked the lifts. I loved it. He brought the flava! So hot! Carrie Ann umm… yeah… She does some booty shaking and then says that’s the way to come back. They were the sickest lifts she’s ever seen. Len says two things were revealed: Karina’s body and his talent. Bruno says it was like a jungle tribal hypnotic appearance. And I love that J.R. thanks the judges. That’s class.
J.R. & Karina – 54
Ricki & Derek – 54
Rob & Cheryl – 57
Rachel: I have family in town so the voting period was closed by the time I saw this. So, I’m hoping you all got out there and voted for J.R. multiple times. Don’t let me down people.