One Sentence Summary: More to the point, surprisingly nothing is sacred this episode, not even a trip to the loo.
Melissa: Seems there’s a surprise in the midst this week for Miss Kim, and looks like NeNe is high-tailing it out of Hotlanta for a little break “from the haters”.
Rachel: Here we are two weeks into our visit to Atlanta and I’m most excited about the potential to see more funerals with Phaedra. I could probably give a psychologist hours of diagnosing from my obsession with this storyline. But really… Isn’t there something just so fascinating about it? I think part of it is Phaedra herself. There is just something so charming (and hilarious) about the way she carries herself. I may have a girl crush, I think. I wonder how many hours Atlanta is from here. I can go stalk Willie’s funerals and maybe even get some modeling tips from Cynthia. Oh, and while I’m there, I can ask NeNe for a loan being that she’s rich now. Road trip anyone?
Turn Off The Mic
Rachel: What part of me ever needed to hear Kim peeing? That would be no part. I get that Kroy & Sweetie are planning a hush-hush birthday party, but I’m gonna venture a guess that the viewing audience could have gathered that Kim was otherwise occupied without the urination backdrop. And I love that Kroy says Kim’s putting a dent in his wallet. Ya think? Anyone else hear a little Kanye in the background. Now, I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger… And again, 33? Really? Those out there that are buying that load of BS raise your hand. Hmmm… I don’t see any hands.
Melissa: Yeah, why the F do I have to listen to Kim peeing?? I do like Kroy being all sweet trying to plan a surprise party for her… poor rube.
On Death And Dying… And Covering Up
Melissa: Sweet Mary, Phaedra’s vision is to make her Funeral Parlor a family venture that comes from the heart. Thankfully, the good Mr. Willie is willing to give her some guidance like tone it down and be nice… NOT that you’re looking to take their money… Oh, and cover those legs missy!
Rachel: Oh yay! Phaedra and the funeral home. Have I mentioned that this is my favorite part of the show. Again, do we really need to subtitle Willie? I’m starting to get offended so I can only imagine how he feels. I do love that Willie tells Phaedra that she needs to learn compassion… and to cover her legs. But I love even more that Phaedra pulls out a prayer cloth that she carries around for this exact reason, and in case men are tempted by her “luscious thighs.” (I usually just use a napkin.) That and her Holy Oil will ward off those “pesky lusty sprits.” Oh, I’m having the time of my life with these two. Willie and Phaedra need their own show. I could watch an hour of this.
Something Is “A-Miss” In SoBe
Rachel: Have I mentioned my love for Kandi? She just called NeNe out about new money and the misconception of rich. Thank you! I’m sure NeNe could buy and sell me for lunch, but there is a level of money that I cannot imagine she has made being on reality TV for her to be walking around like she’s shitting gold kruggerands. And if she has, someone sign me up. I’ll bring you some crazy. Oh it’s in me. Trust me. I can get that party started quick… And speaking of parties, I guess the ladies missed the memo that this weekend SoBe is Lesbesian. Yes, Lesbesian. I prefer that word.
Melissa: Once again Kandi does what only she can do… called NeNe on the “bitch I’m rich” comment. You go girl! I do like the “my ass she’s rich” glances between Kandi and Cynthia. Oh, so now we know why there are only ladies in Miami this weekend – it’s Pride weekend. Guess NeNe’s idea of finding a little something’ somthin’ will have to wait, unless she’s hopping in the lady pond.
That’ll Do Mom… That’ll Do
Melissa: Kairo and Sheree have a Mother-Son moment where Sheree is going to tell him to stay away from the fast loose girls. Sadly, I do feel for Sheree wanting a strong male influence in her son’s life. That’s a good mom right there… well, the embarrassing talk.
Rachel: Poor Sheree’s son… I’m sure he can’t wait for his friends to see his mom ask him if he wants to do “big boy stuff.” That won’t get him teased… At all. Then again, announcing he’s got a size 14 foot might bring him more of the attention he’s interested in. But I also give big props to Sheree for being involved and concerned about the lack of a strong male influence in his life. It’s nice to actually see an involved parent for a change.
Location, Location, Location
Rachel: Wait wait wait… NeNe is shopping for a $9MM home? I’m super confused. She’s either the world’s biggest bullshitter or doing Celebrity Apprentice pays way better than any reality show in the history of reality shows. Seems Kandi is with me on this one. She may not like to count what’s in other people’s pocket books but I sure do. Sorry, Cynthia. I know you want to take a dip in NeNe’s new rooftop pool, but you may not want to put on your bathing suit just yet. I don’t think it has NeNe’s name written on it. I’m pretty sure the agent knows that too, but is all too happy to get his listing on national television. You know, to attract buyers that can actually afford a $9MM home.
Melissa: Seems there’s a reason for NeNe’s quickie trip to Miami – to look at a $9MM property. Anyone else wondering where she’s getting that money? Methinks there’s a little bit of “let’s pretend for the cameras” going on here.
Beach Blanket Bingo
Rachel: Ummm…. Cynthia can’t be running around talking about sex & dildos because she’s married? When did that part get written in the marriage bylaws? I mean I realize I’m not married but it’s not like talking about The Bullet constitutes cheating… Unless they’re talking about another Bullet I have yet to hear about. And you can’t talk about sex at all? Girl, get that stick out of your ass. Screech… Wait, she just brought up lesbianism. So, that’s on the menu of acceptable subjects. I tell you what, this Marriage Rule Book must be a really interesting (and confusing) read. I love that they pick up the only two men on the beach. I guess when you’ve got slim pickins, you pick slim.
Melissa: Oh no… NeNe did not just snark on Kandi’s thighs! Are you kidding me woman??
The Family That Embalms Together…
Rachel: Yay! More Phaedra. I may say “yay” every time she’s on-screen. You’ve been warned. Hmm… Shady shadiness. Phaedra wants Apollo to be involved in the funeral business and he says he likes what he’s doing. Too bad Phaedra isn’t super clear on what that is exactly. How does that happen? How do you not know what your husband does for a living? And when she explains what she does know, it sure doesn’t sound on the up & up. Maybe she doesn’t “know” what he does.. wink wink.
Melissa: Now this is some funny stuff… Poor Apollo.
Melissa: Finally Kim’s birthday… and holy tits what is that dress? I’m sorry, but really, who wears that? I’m expecting those things to pop out of the sides. Gotta say I’m loving Kroy’s fingerprint gun case next to the bed… Sorry, was that TMI? Speaking of TMI… Bravo, of course, dimes out the Birthday gift price tag. Thanks, way to make it special. You rock! Seems Kim did score herself a good one, Kroy is growing on me… though I still don’t get it.
Rachel: This hunting shooting children with guns crap is offending the liberal pacifist hippie in me. There’s a reason my middle name is Love. Oh there goes Bravo again flashing the cost of jewelry gifts. I guess with Kim it sort of goes with the territory. But I do wish she would stop calling Kroy “love”. It’s starting to work my nerves. I also wish she wore a seatbelt. MIght be helpful.
Melissa: Yeah, Kroy is growing on me, and NeNe is getting on my nerves… looks like next week is a good start to the craziness at Kim’s baby shower… maybe it’s a new theme Bravo likes… drama at the children’s events.
Rachel: So, I saw NeNe on Watch What Happens Live after the episode and she got cornered about her “rich” comments. She backtracked herself way out of that by saying she considers “rich” to be more than just money. Uh, no you don’t but nice try.