Dancing With The Stars 13 – Week 8 Results Show

One-Sentence Summary:  This week we all assume Nancy is going home.

My Thoughts:

Those HLN viewers had better have voted for me or they will feel the wrath that is Nancy Grace pissed off!

Rachel: Lawd have mercy, here we go again.  Another hour-long show to share 5 minutes (at most) of news with us.  I swear the producers of these shows are sadists.  There’s no other explanation for dragging this out they way they do every week.  Seriously.  Well, we’re here though and we are here every weeks so I suppose we should make the best of it.  We are being treated to DanceCenter, the spoof on SportsCenter, and a Michael Jackson tribute so it won’t be all tragic.  Besides, unless anything crazy happens, we all know it’s Nancy’s turn to go home.  So, unless something crazy happens tonight, we’re all just watching for the entertainment value.  So entertain me, ABC!  I’m ready…

Tonight’s Entertainment

All the women dancers dance to "I Am Woman" by Jordin Sparks

Yeah, ok.  That happened.  Next.

Jerry Rice & Kenny Mayne return to co-anchor DanceCenter with Len and give us a rundown on the final five contestants.

Ok, I really do love DanceCenter though.  Partially because I love SportsCenter and partially because it’s just damn funny.  Why can’t they do 55 minutes of this and then 5 minutes of the elimination.  They should do all the recaps in a DanceCenter-like format each week thus making it more entertaining and less… fluffy.  How good of an idea is that?  Dammit, I’m a genius.  How do I not run the world?  BTW, I do love the way Tristan says third (turd).  I may have to replay that one a few more times.  Hey Kenny Mayne!  You stole my Hope/Han Solo joke and my “Nancy wearing spangles – Please don’t” joke.  I want royalties!  And don’t try and tell me those jokes were obvious because…. Well, I already know that and don’t want to hear it.

Andrea Bocelli, accompanied by Chris Botti, sings "More."

I can’t really be mad at Andrea Boccelli.  He’s far too talented to throw my usual snarky comments his way.  So, I’ll just keep quiet for now and let it simmer for whoever comes next.

Up next, The Macy's Dancers (On Ice) join the cast of Cirque du Soleil's Immortal Tour for a tribute to Michael Jackson.

Sigh… And I can’t really be mad at Cirque Du Soleil paying homage to Michael Jackson.  They’re really pushing me tonight.  Wait, did I just see a one-legged acrobat?  How rad is that?  This whole segment is rad.  I loved that routine.  And now I must see that show.  Too bad tickets in the nose bleed section cost over $100.  Looks like I’m gonna have to wait for the DVD.  I guess the show isn’t for the little people, which is most uncool.  In the words of MJ himself, “What about us?”

FloRida is up next performing two of his hits.

They’re seriously trying to make it up to me for the Bieber madness last week because I can’t be mad at FloRida either.  I mean I’m a Florida girl loving herself some FloRida.  That was a good time as well.  This has been rather enjoyable.  Wait, what?  Who said that?

The Elimination

It's either Rob or Nancy skipping the semi-finals next week.

Ok, so we have Rob & Cheryl, Hope & Maks and J.R. & Karina up first.  We get to hear more about Rob’s ass before we hear if he’s safe or not.  Yep, sadists.  And then we relive Hope’s dance that I missed last night during my alien abduction.  I still think her hands were crazy like Carrie Ann said and that Len has been paid off to be nice to her.  No other explanation.  J.R. and Karina go to the semi-finals with Hope & Maks.  Rob & Cheryl are in jeopardy.  Small smile creeps across my face.  Only a small one though as we know it’s Nancy’s night to go home… or is it?  Oh don’t give me false hope, you wretched teases!

So, we have Nancy & Tristan and Ricki & Derek left on the chopping block.  Do we really need to wonder who is safe out of the two couples?  No, it’s obviously Ricki & Derek.  Nancy & Tristan are in jeopardy.

The Results:  I still don’t understand the point of “Not necessarily in the bottom two” and I’m still waiting for you to explain that for me.  Anywho, Nancy is going home.  The country sighs a collective “duh.”  Insert your favorite “Her grace period is over”, “leaving with grace”, “no longer gracing our presence” joke here.

Bottom Line:

Tonight’s realization is that either Rob or Hope (and by Hope, I mean Maks) are going to be in the finals.  Well, that’s a buzzkill on a night where I actually had fun.

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