One Sentence Summary: The girls get new faces and speak to the dead, in that order.
Melissa: This week, the source of Kim’s erratic behavior is revealed… Personally, I’m shocked her drug dealer is willing to go on national television – I mean wouldn’t that put him on the radar with the po-po?
Rachel: And let’s not forget that this week, Kim’s boyfriend/fiance/husband/secret lovah is revealed, as well. Are they one and the same? Hmm… I can only imagine how Kyle is going to react to the news. I’d like to go all-in on “not well.” That’s right, kids. I’m betting the ol’ farm that Kyle makes this all about herself. You know, the more time I spend with Kyle, the more I get why Kim self-medicates. Maybe Kim & Kyle’s mom will speak to us from the grave and answer all the Richards Sisters questions we have.
Paul’s Night of Beauty
Melissa: Looks like Kyle is off for some skin treatment to have a little something for her love handles. Hey now, isn’t that the red light fat shrinking treatment Kim from RHOA used while she was snacking on pizza?? Lisa goes off once again doing her “Eat Taylor, eat” (Said in Mrs. Claus’s voice from I think the Rudolph Christmas special). Lisa wants no part of this Ladies’ Night since she has places to go and people to see. Sweet Mary and Joseph, we’re treated to an insider’s view of Kim’s driving skills while running late for the Night of Beauty, naturally. Talk about shake a shiny object! I mean I’m bad, but she’s looking everywhere but the actual road… THANK GOD I live on the other side of the country so there’s no chance of running into her on the road!! Literally.
Rachel: Really? More time with the ladies getting plucked, tucked, sucked and… filled. Where were you going with that? Thankfully, they all managed to get their procedures done with full make-up again. So it’s ok for us to see you getting needles shoved in your face as long as you have your eyelashes on? Makes sense. I’d like to tell my partner here that Kim’s driving is par for the course in LA. Notice that she has a bluetooth device so she didn’t even have to pick up the phone and still couldn’t manage to drive in a straight line. Although I do have to admit that driving in LA is a much more pleasant experience than driving in South Florida. That’s the truth. As hard as it is to believe.
Reveal What’s Behind Kim’s Door #1
Rachel: Ok, let’s start with the religious beliefs. Um, aren’t Kim & Kyle sisters and therefore practicing the same religion? I mean unless I missed “A Very Special Housewives” where Kim joined a new religion, I’m pretty sure they were Easter shopping together last season. But maybe all those pills she’s popping allows her to talk to dead people on her own. Well, I mean there are voices in her head. BTW, wasn’t the reason Anna Nicole Smith slurred all the pills she was mixing? Just connecting some dots. Let’s all note, as well, that Kim tells Kyle to stop talking to her like she’s her mother. Hmmm… lead up to the second big reveal of the night?
Melissa: Yeah, a seance is against Kim’s religion? I mean, that stuff gives me the willies, but I’d never try to claim religious reasons. I’ll just call it like it is… I’m too chicken. Ain’t nothing religious about it. So, Kim’s cocktail du jour is apparently why she seems boozed on a daily basis. Not sure the pill explanation is any better than being liquored up. That’s a lot of pills.
He CC’d Nobody
Melissa: Oh, now Russell is trying to feed the Lisa-mill to see if the news leaks to the press. Anyone else see through that?
Rachel: Um, I see through that. Mr. Magoo can see through that. I wonder if his lawyer charged him $300 an hour for that piece of advice.
I Do Too Have Friends!
Rachel: So, are we supposed to intuit from Lisa saying that Taylor and Camille aren’t friends that she is popping off to everyone? And what really does Lisa gain by Taylor not having friends? Why on earth would she care either way? Look, Lisa is insanely overbearing and does like to tell everyone how to live their lives, but does she really spend her days telling people that Taylor has no friends? Maybe she said Taylor has no french fries.
Melissa: Oh boy, Lisa is going around town telling everyone Taylor doesn’t have any friends – Mean Girl!!
I Hear Dead People
Melissa: OK, this clairvoyant lady is a little out there with her spirit-geiger counter. Again, this stuff gives me the willies so I tend to be a huge Negative Nelly. Seems all the ladies are looking forward to it. Adrienne’s father is the first to speak up… He loves his little girl and wants her to know. Lisa’s grandmother wants to thank Lisa for being close to her, and Grandmother tried to talk to Lisa through Allison at the last party. Taylor is told she needs to be stable and secure without somebody. Big Kathy (Kim and Kyle’s mother) is in the house, thanking Kyle for the lovely evening and tells her Kyle was Kim’s mother in a past life… to the “no wonder” laughter. Camile’s Grandparents are celebrating her divorce.
Rachel: If you follow our Twitter account, you know that I’m obsessed with Long Island Medium on TLC (Sunday nights at 10pm). That woman knows her shit. Seriously, blows my mind every week. So yes, I’m a believer in the ability to speak with spirits. I’m not so much a believer in this woman. I could have given the same reading to the ladies just from watching last year’s season. Really, Taylor’s better off on her own? Camille will meet a great new guy? Kyle acts like Kim’s mom? Way to blow the roof off the joint. Theresa Caputo, she is not.
I’m Sorry. How Is This About You?
Rachel: Two shocking things happened during this scene… One, I actually took Kim’s side. Two, I was literally shouting at the TV screen. Ok, the second one isn’t that shocking given my recent penchant for reality show outbursts. That being said, I really wanted to shove Kyle over that balcony and down the hill. She really treats Kim like she’s a moron. Look, I know Kim hasn’t really made the best case for herself, but I think she can manage to figure out if the guy she’s been with for a year is nice or not. I mean really Kyle, you couldn’t muster up one iota of happiness for your sister? Not one teeny weeny bit of excitement and support?
Melissa: The Kyle and Kim secret showdown – finally! Kim reveals where and why she’s moving. Kyle doesn’t understand why it would be so private and why she was left out – maybe because you’re a complete Judge Judy, Kyle.
Melissa: Well, at least this psychic evening went better than the last, and at least the ladies ended up laughing instead of storming out. Though looks like next week there might be a storm when the ladies finally confront Taylor on her relationship with Russell.
Rachel: So, it looks like Kyle notices the wedding band that Kim’s boyfriend is wearing. Will we get an answer? Fingers crossed!