Dancing With The Stars 13 – Week 8

One-Sentence Summary:  Tonight it’s double dances with an instant Jive.

Ooh, I love an instant Jive.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Still seething mad about David Arquette being sent home last week.  Then again, I am the one always crowing about it being reality TV and how popularity plays a big part in it so I guess I shouldn’t be so so surprised.  But I do think this is Nancy’s week to walk the plank and go back to screaming at people on HLN.  That means I’ve got at least two more weeks of either Maks or Rob.  Neither seems like a good choice.  I would like to request a very special double elimination this week.  Well, let’s see how J.R. does first and then we’ll talk double eliminations. 

Melissa:  It’s the road to the finals!  What would be nice is if they shortened the show… Just a suggestion.  We have instant dances tonight… OH, blog call!! Every time we hear “instant”:  DRINK!  OK, again, why does it take so long to walk onto the stage and be introduced?  I know it’s a recurring complaint – I mean if Len isn’t a fan of razzmatazz, we could do away with half the show.  Yep, I went there throwing out my favorite term right in the second stream of thought.

Rob Kardashian

Cheryl & Rob dance the Quickstep to A-ha's "Take On Me"

Melissa:   Eh, I’m not going to give him much… You all know I don’t care for the Kardashians and I refuse to keep up with them.  Yet there they are again whoring it up for the camera with the whole brood.  Wonder why Kim isn’t there trying for some “feel bad for me I’m getting a divorce”.  Love that Tom told him he’s having the best week for a Kardashian… bahahaha – My hat Tom, consider it tipped!!  Music pick for their instant (drink) jive:  Maneater

Rachel:  Well, this is more then I ever needed to hear about Rob’s butt.  I don’t care how big it is or how much it needs to be tucked in.  I really don’t.  You know what else I don’t need?  This horrible rendition of A-ha’s “Take On Me.”  Well, I guess I do have to say Rob really is getting better each week.  Argh! He’s foiling my plans.  Boy J.R. had better bring it tonight.  Side note: When is Bruce Jenner gonna grow a set of balls?  Why is he sitting behind the rest of the family by himself like he’s at the kids’ table of audience rows?  He should get a glittery disco ball trophy for the most pussified athlete of all time.  But let’s hear what the judges have to say shall we?  Len says the beginning was a mess but he did a great job in the second half and it was the best so far.  Bruno said he was speedier than a drag race.  Drag… wink.  Carrie Ann, with her new bangs, said he’s the ideal contestant because he really has shown growth.

Score: 27

Hope Solo

Hope & Maks dance the Quickstep to "Valerie" by Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse

Melissa:  Hope and Maks’s Quickstep prep has resulted in, what’s that… was that a little douchebaggery ownership Maks?  Careful, your soft underbelly is showing.  Wow, and takes her home for a family dinner… and more shocking, both he and his brother kept their shirts on!  Seems the Ukrainian food did its trick and the judges loved the performance.  Music pick for their instant (drink) Jive:  The Best Damn Thing.

Rachel:  I guess Maks has been reading the rags because he apologizes for being “overly rough” and being too competitive.  Hope admits that she’s insecure about her dancing and needs Maks to be more gentle.  Then we go and meet the Chmerkovskiy family.  Staged move to garner sympathy?  Ah, yeah.  Buying it?  Ah, no.  Meanwhile, I’m surprised Val doesn’t eat dinner shirtless.  Yeah, we both made shirtless jokes… It’s the dangling carrot.  Ok, they’re just going to butcher every song I like tonight.  Only Amy should do Amy.  Period.  But Hope certainly took the kinder & gentler coaching to heart & did a great job tonight.  Bruno says light, breezy, radiant.  Carrie Ann wants to hug her because there was so much joy and love.  Len says it was fast and energetic.  Her best dance of the season.

Score – 27

Ricki Lake

Ricki & Derek dance the Waltz to "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin

Melissa:  Ricki and Derek give us a waltz; just as expected.  The judges love it as usual, except for Len’s footwork comments.  Music pick for their instant (drink) Jive:  Land of 1000 dances.


Rachel:  Well the rehearsal was boring spare a mini-moment with Jennifer Grey.  The dance was pretty.  I don’t have much else to say.  I guess Ricki needs to flash a nip or get into a fight or something before I can give her full coverage.  Carrie Ann says her movements are exquisite.  Len says it was beautifully executed but she’ll never get a 10 until she nails the footwork.  Bruno says it was deliciously dreamy. 

Score – 28

Nancy Grace

Nancy & Tristan dance the Tango to "The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane" by The Ames Brothers

Melissa:  The judges are seeing her improvement, and it’s reflected in their scores.  However, wardrobe should be discussed with the short bottom.  You can go tight or short, never both.  Music pick for their instant (drink) Jive:  Upside Down.

Rachel:  Tristan is choreographing tonight’s dance based on a love-hate relationship story.  Wonder where that is coming from and wonder which side he’s on… And again, with the hair Nancy!  Who on earth is telling you that it’s a good look?  They’re lying to you.  I say this as a friend.  Or someone that has to look at you every week.  She’s annoyed with Tristan, as usual, and tells him he has no right to be exhausted because he doesn’t have a full-time job.  Yeah, I’ve spent all of the last 2 minutes with Nancy and I’m exhausted.  Wow.  And speaking of wow, um, did we really need to put Nancy in that short of a dress?  I get she’s starting to get her groove back but it can be done in a gown.  Not sure what to make of that dance.  I was just uncomfortable with it mostly because I was uncomfortable with the hemline.  Len says well done.  Bruno calls her a brazen Jezebel and says it was the right attitude.  Carrie Ann says she’s the friskiest girl she’s ever met but please give Tristan a break.  hee hee…

Score – 24

J.R. Martinez

J.R. & Karina dance the Waltz to "What the World Needs Now" by Burt Bacharach

Melissa:  WOW… what a beautiful waltz!!  So graceful and fluid like they have been dancing that dance forever.  IT’S A PERFECT SCORE!!  HELL YEAH!  Music pick for their instant (drink) Jive:  Tutti Frutti

Rachel:  Ok, I have to admit that I’m kinda nervous for JR.  He didn’t do crazy well last week and everyone has done a good job so far tonight.  But my worry was for naught.  He nailed it.  I really loved that dance.  It was ah-mazing.  He was smiling and so was I.  So so pretty and I’m hoping it was enough for a 10…  What say you, judges?  Bruno said it was a musical Valentine card. Love that.  Carrie Ann says it was just magic and a wonderful feeling.  Len says he came back all guns blazing this week.  And it’s the first perfect 30 of the season!  I love that JR just gave his Oscars speech after hearing the score… I’m actually over here fist-pumping like I’m Pauly D at a Jersey nightclub.

Score – 30

Rob Kardashian

Rob & Cheryl dance their instant Jive to "Maneater" by Hall & Oates

Melissa:  Rob and Cheryl didn’t suck… unfortunately.

Rachel:  He really does have some serious junk in his trunk.  Dammit, now I’m looking at his ass.  I am loving the Hall & Oates though.  Anyone that says they don’t like H&O is a straight-up liar. Oh yeah, I said it.  By the way, we all know these dances aren’t really “instant” right?  They had to choreograph something during the week that they retrofit to the song they choose.  That’s my theory, anyway.  Oh the dance.  Not bad.  That’s a compliment from me.  Len says he did great but he has to sharpen his feet a little more.  Bruno says great job and youthful energy.  Carrie Ann is recovering from the booty shaking.

Score – 24

Total combined – 51/60

Hope Solo

Hope & Maks instant Jive to "The Best Damn Thing" by Avril Lavigne

Melissa:  I like it, lots of energy, playing perfectly to Hope’s athleticism – and LEN LOVES IT!  As he should!  Well done girlie!

Rachel:  I have to admit that I had to rewind to see this dance because apparently I slipped into a coma for 5 minutes.  I’m not joking.  I didn’t move from my seat and yet I missed the entire dance.  I missed the entire intro and judging as well.  Where did I go?  I wonder if alien abductions happen that quickly.  I think I should get scanned immediately for a microchip implant.  As for the dance, I thought it was just ok.  Bruno gives her 19 pointers and then says it was very good.  Carrie Ann says it was a definite improvement from the last Jive, but the hands were crazy.  I totally agree.  Len said it was fantastic.  Someone must have forced a truce between them because that was way OTT enthusiastic.

Score -25

Total Combined – 52

Ricki Lake

Ricki & Derek do their instant Jive to "Land of a Thousand Dances" by Wilson Pickett


Melissa:  Ricki and Derek’s jive was pretty cool in my opinion.  They seriously look like they’re just having fun at the dance hall on a Saturday night… Well, you know what I mean people!!

Rachel:  This is about the time I started wondering why Hope & Maks didn’t come next.  This is also the time that I see we are in rehearsal with them practicing the Jive.  Yeah… I’m not entirely sure what planet I’ve been watching from. And I’m sure they let us all in on this not-so-instant secret a long time ago, but I’m still taking the “Sherlock” credit on this one since I’m apparently not firing on all cylinders tonight.  Besides, I think it should be called the “slightly modified Jive”.  Carrie Ann said there were a few starts and stops where she got lost.  Len says Carrie Ann is correct but it was good.  Bruno thought there was a great variety of steps but it didn’t flow together as well as it could have.

Score – 24

Total Combined – 52

Nancy Grace

Nancy & Tristan instant Jive to "Upside Down" by Paloma Faith

Melissa:  Nancy and Tristan jive it up in yet another short and tight outfit… She really needs to practice some of those moves in front of the mirror because I think I just got her OB/GYN’s view in that skirt!

Rachel:  Oh we get to revisit the fun times in the rehearsal studio.  The aliens couldn’t have shown up for this part?  Rough start to this one.  Rough middle to this one.  Cartwheel ending.  Ummm… Bye bye, Nancy.  Len agrees.  He says it’s midnight for her Cinderella story and time for her to go home.  Bruno said it was laid back and loose for a Jive.  Carrie Ann said she got lost in the choreography.

Score – 20

Total Combined – 44

J.R. Martinez

J.R. & Karina do their instant Jive to "Tutti Frutti" by Little Richard

Melissa: What a performance that was!  I’m thinking we’re getting another perfect score for that instant (DRINK) Jive!  Have I said tonight how much I adore him?  I do!!

Rachel:  J.R. is back!  That  was the bomb diggity.  Yeah, I said.  So, it’s the mid-90’s up here in the Dunn casa.  What of it?  How can you not enjoy watching him dance?  I ask you.  How?  Bruno is shouting and I have zero clue what he’s saying but I think he loved it.  Carrie Ann says he is in a class all on his own.  Len says he’s got the X Factor and the Feel-Good Factor and came out with the most fantastic Jive. It’s another perfect score!  And now I’m the entire cast of Jersey Shore fist pumping all over the room.  I need a vacation, I think.

Score -30

Total Combined – 60

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Pretty sure Nancy’s going home.  Now I have to get back to getting that alien microchip found and removed.

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