One Sentence Summary: Lisa and crew celebrate Pandora’s engagement while Kim lets us in on her secret… No, not that one.
Melissa: I’m back from my hiatus (3 pounds lighter – thank you stomach flu!!) and ready to go… I’ve downed half a bag of Halloween Treats and a few glasses of red Zin to get me ready for the Engagement Party to end all parties!!
Rachel: So tonight’s the night we get our first glimpse at Russell this season. I have to admit that the previews made me uncomfortable. I mean it’s like seeing a ghost. Now, I don’t condemn Bravo for showing him this season. I actually think it’s weird to have totally edited him out, but that doesn’t make it any less awkward. Then there’s the fact that he shows up on Halloween… The night of spooky specters and ghostly ghouls. Coincidence? I think not. But it’s not just Russell making an appearance tonight. No, we are also going to meet Kim’s not-s0-new boyfriend that she’s been hiding for almost a year. That might actually be weirder than seeing Russell.
RSVP For One
Rachel: Lisa is annoyed that no one picks up the phone in Beverly Hills. No Lisa, no one picks up phones at all anymore. That’s what text messaging is for. And then we get to hear about Adrienne washing the chicken with soap from last week’s show. Are we really revisiting this? The jokes over. They’re so clearly putting filler in where scenes of Russell and Taylor used to be this season. Between the random scene of Adrienne & Kim going for a walk to the inane cooking lesson, we are being bombarded with nonsense. Oh finally, a point. Mohamed isn’t inviting Russell. And Lisa and Taylor don’t like each other. Yet, Lisa is still concerned about Taylor coming and Taylor is confident she will find a way to make it without Russell. Hmmm…
Melissa: Let’s kick things off with Lisa trying to rally the troops for Pandora’s party, but Mohamed apparently has had a falling out with Russell so she’s trying to dance a pretty little dance with Taylor about the invite to the party – please do come love, just leave him home. Wonder if she’ll use this as an excuse to tell Taylor she’s worried about her and even if they aren’t really friends she’ll be there for her.
Two Hundred Of Kennedy’s Closest Friends
Melissa: OK, does anyone else see the ridiculously obvious irony of Taylor looking at cakes with Dana for Kennedy’s next over-the-top birthday party? Really… cakes, Taylor? We know you don’t eat, let alone eat sugar – or is that the ruse… Let Dana sample and tell you what she thinks is good? FYI, I wouldn’t trust her planning skills. We all saw what she did with Game night. Unless you’re looking to have a meringue party, this might be a bad call. At least the poor girl is eating, but not listening to the cake lady who tells her what kids actually want/like. Right, I forgot Kennedy’s birthdays aren’t exactly about Kennedy (as indicated by Taylor’s photo op last year).
Rachel: Oh Lawd, here we go again. Another Kennedy birthday party. She brings Dana “the party planner” who is going to help with the Ranch theme, which she admits she’s terrible at. So, no ranch parties and no game nights. The list is getting small here, Dana. Hold it… Hold it… 200 people at a 5 year old’s birthday party. I love that you can read “ridiculous” all over the cake maker’s face. And this cake for a 5-year-old is $2,000. I’m pretty sure I had a $10 cake from Howard Johnson’s that was delicious and made me happier than a pig in shit. That’s just disgusting. I don’t care how much money you have. It’s flour and water and sugar. And nobody loves cake more than me. That is a fact.
Rachel: My Lord, we are really scraping the bottom of the storyline barrel. I wonder if Paul is feeling rather pleased with himself since he told Estella last year that she needed a facelift. I hope I never feel the need to have plastic surgery. I think I’m too cheap to ever do it, but I am open to admitting there is a possibility that I might fold like a cheap lawn chair. Ok, and do we need to be in the operating room? I’m seriously about to pass out… Squirting fat? Stop! Seriously, I’m woozy. I can’t even comment on the fact that he called Mark Wahlberg from the operating room because I’m white knuckle gripping my chair trying not to fall over. Now with the bandaged face. COME ON! Killing me here. Can’t we just follow them to another lunch or shopping or something?
Melissa: Sweet Mary, Kyle is taking her Mother In Law to Dr. Paul for a face lift?? Why are these things relevant to the show? Sorry MIL, but I’ll not be planning this for our girls’ day. Manis and pedis, hell yeah, and there I draw the line. As for Dr. Paul’s associate thinking he looks like my Marky Mark… that’s preposterous!! I don’t understand the need to delve into Dr. Paul’s surgical style. When we have a househusbands show, fine. Here… not so good.
I See Dead People
Melissa: Oh, entree the first Russell scene of the season at Taylor’s for dinner with Kyle and Mauricio. WOW, talk about a whap-whap-whap vibe from Taylor and Russell as Kyle and Mauricio basically tongue at the table. Oh, and Russell is going to cast a shadow over Lisa. Once again she’s the target for the rumor spreading. Never fear, Kyle is there to jump to the the defense of her buddy Lisa, in light of Russell’s legal threats.
Rachel: Ok, the awkward first scene with Russell. Boy, the editing doesn’t help. Ah, the juxtaposition of happy couple and unhappy couple. Apparently, the rags got the news today that Taylor and Russell have separated. Lisa’s friendship with the Editor implicates her clearly. Russell and Taylor thinks it’s way too much of a coincidence. So, they’re going to just slap the magazine with a lawsuit to make them cough up the kittens about who sold them the story. Well, that seems reasonable. Just ignoring it seems a bit more reasonable. But no, let’s spend $2k on a cake and thousands more on a frivolous lawsuit when we’re having financial issues.
A Token Of My Love
Rachel: Thankfully, the producers trampled a rare moment of family togetherness to show us how much the necklace cost in case we were not aware of the dollar amount. Kind of ruins the moment of Pandora reading the inscription about the love that her mother has for her no matter what may come in life. Holy gauche moment, Bravo. Oh wait! Sorry… that would be moments. Seems Ken is giving Jason a watch that was given to him by Lisa, and as we are hearing those loving words from Ken, the price of the watch flashes across our screen. Lovely. Thanks for giving us that tender moment. My most treasured possessions in life are things given to me by family that has meaning behind them. It doesn’t matter if they are worth $2 or $20,000, but good on you Bravo for not letting anyone forget that we live in a shallow vapid world. Dicks.
Melissa: ENGAGEMENT PARTY DAY!! Pandora and Lisa prepping for the party is just pure overindulgent craziness (that I completely adore), especially with Pandora’s requests to remake her Chanel dress. Wait, let me get this straight, Lisa remade her 10K push present bracelet into a necklace for Pandora, and Jason gets a watch Lisa gave Ken?? What’s up with the re-gifting??
From Morocco With Love
Melissa: I’m not going to touch the porn-ish poolside mermaid at the Moroccan themed engagement party… I don’t get it… moving on.
Rachel: I actually have nothing to say about this party either. That’s not true. I would like to understand what the hell that whole Dazza situation was? She calls her husband “Daddy”. That’s not at all weird and creepy… or well-played for some TV airtime.
The Mystery Man Revealed
Rachel: So we meet Kim’s boyfriend, and they’ve been dating for a year but no one knows about him. Yeah. Is it really that bad? I mean I know Kyle is a tough crowd but is she that tough? Um, anyone notice that they’re both wearing wedding rings? Is the secret boyfriend actually the secret husband? I’m thinking yes.
Melissa: Kim’s secret man is finally revealed! Now, if it was Kato Kaelin – that would be a most awesome Housewives twist (BTW, I have NO CLUE where that came from)!! This Ken dude… is a little… um… OMG, sorry, she met him at the mailbox?? Hello stalker! No, sorry, I’m sure they have a wonderful relationship, what with him hanging out at mailboxes watching her. Anyone else hanging on the crazy side of the street??
Rachel: Well, I’m thinking this wasn’t the most exciting episode ever… unless there really was a secret wedding. I gotta dig into this further. Maybe after some more wine.
Melissa: Underwhelming episode with lots of gratuitous price tags splashed about. Oh, and I’m now craving cake… hmmm, let me graze the Halloween bowl.