Dancing With The Stars 13 – Week 7

One-Sentence Summary:  It’s Halloween and we’re hoping there are more treats than tricks tonight.

Our Thoughts:

It ain't easy being green

Rachel:  It’s Halloween, which means the show writers probably have lots of bad puns in store for us this evening.  That’s right.  Not only are we going to be subjected to the likes of the “Monster Mash”, but we’re also going to be subjected to some bad jokes.  I mean I’m too old to be out trick-or-treating (Even though I’m the youngest person within a mile radius of this house), but do I have to be subjected to this too?  Oh well.  Perhaps there will be some pleasant surprises as well.  None will be as sweet as the taste of candy from the bottom of a plastic pumpkin, but there is always wine.  Oh yes, there is.  Anyway, tonight we have individual and team dances, both of which will be scored.  It’s twice the fun!

It’s Halloween Night and I’m all hopped up on sugar from the “quality control” check of my son’s Trick Or Treat bag.  Bring on the dancing!  Dance for me people… Entertain me!!  Oh boy, time to lay off the chocolate.  I’ll try to control my outbursts.  Maybe a nice red Zinfindel to mellow out my Milky Way.  I’m hoping there’s a little quasi-exercise osmosis to help burn off all the treats I’ve consumed tonight.  Big question of the night: will the judges be a bit nicer this evening after Maks-gate last week??

David Arquette

David & Kym dance the Cha Cha Cha to "Abracadabra" by The Steve Miller Band

Melissa:  David and Kym are Cha-Cha vampires this week so they bring in an illusionist to help with their performance – OK kiddies, you lost me on this one.  I wish there was more hocus-pocus in their routine, but the judges appreciate it.

Rachel:  When I heard they were dancing to Abracadabra, I was transported to summer at the swim club in Pittsburgh.  I could feel the warm sun on my face… And then, just as I’m happily reliving my youth, a dark cloud kills the fun.  Why?  I’ll tell you why.  They brought a magician… Wait, I’m sorry… They brought an illusionist into the rehearsal.  Look, everyone’s got their something and mine happens to be magicians and clowns.  I trust neither.  So, I’m none to pleased to hear my boy David is going to be doing tricks during his routine.  Do we really need the trickery?  Hmmm… OK, that wasn’t too bad… The tricks, that is.  Really weren’t any.  The dancing was pretty good too but I think they’re going to hear about not being in synch again.  Len says he’s turned himself into a dancer.  But yes, they were off-time at a couple of points.  Bruno says he is a natural at turning tricks.  And then he refers to Carrie Ann as a pussy. Okaaaay…Moving on… Carrie Ann says his improvement is phenomenal.

Score: 24

JR Martinez

JR & Karina dance the Tango to "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker, Jr.

Melissa:  You know I’m gonna say it… I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.  Sorry, I really wanted to say “Listen. Do you smell something?”, but didn’t know how many of our readers randomly recite Ghostbusters quotes on a daily basis.  It’s my little Rain Man thing. Ask my partner.  Movie lines flow to punctuate all normal conversation.  A few missteps, and timing got off a few times (I’m thinking because of the version of the song) but overall still fun and well executed.  Len isn’t a fan of the performance, he doesn’t care for the razzamataz – isn’t this Dancing With The Stars?  We can have razzamataz – NAY, we NEED razzamataz Len!!  OK, now I’m just going to be obsessed with slipping razzamataz into a conversation.

Rachel:  The stress is starting to get to JR; especially after getting 10’s the week before.  But it’s Karina that is crying for her Mummy during rehearsals.  BAM!  There it is people.  My bad pun of the night.  Ok ok, sorry… Let’s get to the dance.  But first, I have to say how amazing it is how the band can cheese-up an already cheesy song.  Somehow JR & Karina managed to pull-off the super serious tango to the not-so-serious Ghostbusters theme.  Not his best work but still awesome.  Bruno says another solid performance although he lost it a few times because of the difficult musical phrasing.  Carrie Ann says he captured the tone perfectly.  Len says it was sub-standard to what he expects from JR but it’s because he’s set such a high standard.  He was too focused on the razzamatazz.  I seriously have written the word razzamatazz more times this season than I have in my whole life.  Between my partner (who does constantly quote movies) & I, I think that’s a world record for razzamatazz. 

Score – 25

Nancy Grace

Nancy & Tristan dance the Jive to "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by The Charlie Daniels Band

Melissa:   OK, I’m going to admit something to our 4 readers… I love this song.  I mean I’ll full-on rock-out sing along in the car.  I have to say I’m not only disappointed in the DWTS version of the song, but I’m NOT moved by this dance either.  Seems the judges agree… that will teach you to disgrace The Charlie Daniels Band like that!!

Rachel:  Nancy starts whoop-whooping to her 9’s from last week… Please make it stop.  Oh dear lord, now add to the mess that they’re dancing to the Devil Went Down to Georgia.  And they have her in a short skirt.  Devil indeed.  Apparently, the her Jive went down to Georgia as well because I wouldn’t call this her greatest effort.  Carrie Ann says this was a not-so-good day.  She lost the choreography a few times.  Len says this dance doesn’t suit her.  She went wrong early on and it was a disappointment.  Bruno says the other judges are right but the footing was devilish.  See, I’m not the only one.  I think Nancy might have just have to make a deal with the devil to make it past this week.

Score – 21

Rob Kardashian

Rob & Cheryl dance the Tango to the "Addams Family Theme".

Melissa:  It isn’t bad… Isn’t great.  But you know me.  I’m anti all things Kardashian.  Judges like it… I’m still not impressed.  Until he changes his name and ditches the crazy bitches he lives with, I don’t care.

Rachel:  Rob says his family is kooky.  I’d use another word for his family, but I think we all know that by now.  I do give him a thumbs up for pranking Cheryl during rehearsal.  Were those pink pants he was wearing part of the prank too?  I still think he dances like a brick but I have to admit that I liked the dance.  Cheryl did a great job with the choreography.  I see that Kourtney and Scott showed up tonight.  I’m guess Kim is somewhere recovering from her 72-day marriage.   You know, the one that E! paid her $10MM to film.  I think that works out to like $140k a day.  Seems reasonable.  Anywho, Len says he did a terrific job.  Bruno says he was really leading with conviction but he has to keep his bum under him.  Carrie Ann says it was his best dance so far.

Score – 25

Ricki Lake

Ricki & Derek dance the Paso Doble to "Sweet Dreams" by Beyoncé.

Melissa:  Seems Ricki is suffering from some minor nerve issue that requires rest, but trooper she is will just bandage up and push through.  Given she’s hurt, she did a damn good job… I could have done without the skirt fanning all the time.

Rachel:  Yes, it seems that Ricki has a nerve that is inflamed in her rib cage and the doctor says she should rest a week or two.  He says athletes get pulled out of games for the same injury.  Oh, but doc, these aren’t athletes!  These are ballroom dancers!  Is there anything tougher?  If there is, I don’t know about it.  Ricki plays the innocent Riding Hood to Derek’s evil Werewolf.  I thought she was pretty good but I wouldn’t call it her best.  She’ll still be the top of the leader board, though.   Bruno said at times she tensed her shoulders but another incredible dance.  Carrie Ann said it was so gorgeous but you do have to be careful of the shoulders.  Len said the shapes she makes are fantastic and I’m not sure what else his ranting was about except for “whipping”.

Score – 27

Hope Solo

Hope & Maks dance the Samba to "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon.

Melissa:  Seems Teddy is a better partner than the ball-busting Maks.  It’s nice to see Hope laughing and having a good time in rehearsals.  It looks like she might actually be having a little fun this week… That is until she flubbed a step. Nice recovery though.  I hope she told Maks to keep his mouth shut during the judging this time.  Judges like it.

Rachel:  I do love that Maks & Derek are both werewolves tonight.  Maybe they can have a Thriller dance-off later to see which wolf has the biggest set of cojones.  Seems Maks hurt his wittle toe so he brought Teddy in from the Dance Troupe in to rehearsals and Hope is loving his presence.  She feels like she’s learning much faster than ever.  Maks, on the other hand, doesn’t like to feel out of control for a moment and makes sure to humiliate Teddy every chance he gets by telling him he’s not allowed to speak or answer questions.  It’s his house.  Really? Again with the ownership crap? Such a douchebag.  Seriously.  Well, you know I won’t like the dance no matter what… OK fine, it wasn’t terrible tonight. She still isn’t exactly the picture of grace but it was much better than last week.  Carrie Ann says it’s so nice to see how bright she was again.  The lightness was there and there was an ease of motion.  Len says she coped well with a difficult dance.  Bruno said she was dancing like her life depended on it.  She should be proud.

Score – 24

Team Tango – David & Kym, Tristan & Nancy and JR & Karina

Team Tango dance the Tango to "Disturbia" by Rhianna.

Melissa:  LOVE IT!!  It’s a crazy mess of fun.  I absolutely love J.R. and Karina’s solo piece.  Everyone it seems brought it for the performance – At least as much as they can.  Judges don’t like it as much as I did… sadly.

Rachel:  OK, I just have to say it… I do.  Nancy, please do something about that hair of yours.  I mean I get that it’s Halloween and you’re supposed to be scaring us tonight but that’s out of control; especially when you add it to the fact that you’re not wearing a stitch of make-up.  Have some mercy, please!  As for the dance, I thought it was awesome.  They were all in synch and Nancy held her own with the ladies (And looked lovely in that red wig… hint hint).  JR upped the ante from the first dance with their solo.  And David was on point.  Len says, as a group, it was excellent, but the individual dances were a disaster.  Bruno said it was sexy as a group but the individuals were not great.  Carrie Ann said it was so tight at first but it fell apart on their own.  OK, didn’t see that one coming.  Were they watching the same dance that I was watching?

Score – 23

Team Paso – Ricki & Derek, Cheryl & Rob and Hope & Maks

Team Paso dances the Paso Doble to by "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence.

Melissa:  UGH, I’m full on loving this one.  And you know it’s hard for me with Rob there and no J.R.  Great performance by Team Paso.

Rachel:  Well, here we go again.  Everyone has their solo parts done except for Hope & Maks.  So everyone on the team gets to hear them bicker and feel uncomfortable.  Have I mentioned how ready I am for them to go home…. And I say this even feeling a bit warmer towards Hope tonight.  I just need Maks to be out of my life.  That’s right Maks… It’s your show and your house but it’s my life.  Thankfully, Derek is there to step in when Maks walks out on the rehearsals.  Have I mentioned that he’s a douchebag?  Oh, I hate to say this but they worked it out on the dance floor and killed the other team.  People, you had better get out and vote for  JR tonight!  Bruno says it was powerful, moving and dramatic.  Carrie Ann said it was amazing and it was totally in synch.  Len says the individual parts were fantastic and Rob kept up with the pro dancers.

Score – 26

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  I don’t like that JR and David are in the bottom of the group this week.  Ok, I may have to actually vote.  And BTW, Justin Bieber tomorrow?  Really?  That’s the worst trick of them all.


One response to “Dancing With The Stars 13 – Week 7

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