One-Sentence Summary: It’s Broadway Week and the stars get to entertain us with solo dances and a group dance.
Rachel: Hey, remember last season when I said you could make the show an hour instead of two… Yeah, this week we start with the filler (guest stars & a group dance) so that we are occupied for the full two hours. I swear sometimes I’m talking to myself. Anywho, it’s Broadway week and I’m so sad Carson Kressley is not going to be dancing tonight. Tell me that wouldn’t have been too fun to watch. Personally, I’m thinking of starting a petition to have Carson replace Brooke Burke. Nothing against Brooke except that I don’t think she brings much to the party whereas Carson actually is the party. Come on, how much fun would it be to have Carson as co-host? Oh yes, I think I smell a petition brewing… Are you with me, people?!?!
Oh great… Last week’s Results Show was interrupted with tornado warnings. And tonight’s opening act is brought to me by the Breaking News that there is an escaped inmate running around South Florida. Kind of hard to focus on glitter habits when there’s a crazed convict on the loose. Ok, well I don’t know if he’s “crazed” and he’s probably nowhere near here and I do live in a gated community… But still… Shame too because it’s actually a fun performance. I was going to go as a “bad habit” for Halloween this year, but decided against it because well, I’m feeling very Hallo-lazy. However, if you could hook me up with a glitter habit, I might reconsider.
Oh Lawd, Kris Kardashian Jenner Kardashian shows up at rehearsal to tell her son that she’s so proud of him, but it’s time to kick some butt. This woman is horrible. Seriously Rob, I’m sorry but your mom is the reason you can’t win. Well, that and your sisters… and you. Side note – If you have a chance to see Jersey Boys, I highly recommend it. And back to the dance… Dammit, he didn’t suck tonight. Then again, neither did Kristin and she got sent home. See where I’m going here people? Len says it was clean, precise & had good timing, but no rhythm. He probably wanted to say more but The Kardashian “It’s All About Us” Sisters started screaming from the audience. Someone please muzzle them! They are really intolerable. Bruno said he needs more impact and power. Carrie Ann says there was more charisma coming out of him but he’s not quite there.
Score – 22
Nancy responds to last week’s criticism by asking if the judges want her to put on a bikini with spangles and shake her booty. Well, I don’t know about the judges but I am gonna raise my hand on the “No, thank you” side of that vote. And now she’s accusing Tristan of sabotaging her by making the dance too difficult… Even though she asked for it to be more difficult. He says it’s the stupidest thing he ever heard. I’m gonna raise my hand on the “Uh, yeah” side of that vote. Meanwhile, it’s a cute dance and she has no problem executing it so, as usual, her complaining was for nothing. Bruno says she captured the feel of the play and it was well done. Carrie Ann says she upped the ante and nailed it. Len said there was much more personality that came out but her posture and footwork weren’t there in the holds.
Score – 24
Do I even need to go into how much I love Grease? Do I? No, I don’t. Oh, but I do. I love it so much. I mean that movie is my childhood. My friends and I would reenact it constantly… Too bad I always had to be Danny. I have to say I’m surprised Kym went with the demure yellow Sandy dress when she could have rocked the Bad Girl Sandy black spandex. Regardless, it was a super fun dance and he rocked it. He looks so cute with his clean close shave. Major crush. I’m totally “Team David If JR Gets Eliminated”. Carrie Ann says he lived up to any expectations she may have had but they were out of synch. Len says it was rough around the edges but it was fun. Bruno says he has the exuberance of a frisky teenager on Spring Break. Well, that certainly paints a picture.
Score – 23
Ricki is gunning for JR for top of the leader board. Those are her words, not mine. Wish she had done it in a dress that wasn’t that horrible color. It’s not so much good on her. However, she fully rocked that dance and that was a hard one. Len says you don’t need luck if you have talent and she has talent. Bruno says it was outstanding and their interpretation was beyond belief. Carrie Ann says… a lot… quickly… I am gathering she really liked it. She did. She gives Ricki a 10, as does Bruno.
Score – 29
Ok, I know I’m stating the obvious and I know it’s 6 weeks into the show, but I still have to say how amazed I am at how there is seriously no “Chastity” left. I know that sounds so ignorant but I mean it in the most honest & positive way possible. I mean it’s so clear that this is who he was meant to be. Unfortunately, he was not meant to be a dancer, but he does manage a not too terrible tango. Bruno says he looked like a messy penguin trying to be a bird of prey. Yeow. Carrie Ann says it was the most aggressive she’s seen him but at Week 6 she wants to see more complex choreography. Len says the hold should be better, but it was a tough dance for him… Well done.
Score – 19
Maks brings three of the pro girls to rehearsal to show Hope how to be sexier. Personally, I think he just wanted 4 girls pawing on him. Nice strategy, Maks. Wink wink nudge nudge. I’m sorry but this song drives me bananas. I know it’s supposed to be all deep and tell me to appreciate every moment of my life, but I’d appreciate it more without the song. Just sayin’… Ok, Hope is trying to bring the sexy for sure but it just doesn’t work on her. It’s just not her thing. Not everyone can bring sexy back. I’m sorry. Carrie Ann sees the effort and sees her sexiness, but it just goes against her natural “feistiness.” Len is at a loss. He’s never lost faith in her but this was her worst dance of the season. Maks goes all Ukrainian tough guy on him for that. Len says his 50 years in the industry gives him some authority on the subject. Maks replies with “Maybe it’s time to get out.” Wow. Holy inappropriate. Then Maks gets mad because the judges are so, um, judgmental. Maybe it’s a language barrier but methinks that might be their sole purpose of showing up every week. Maks’s outburst probably wasn’t the best strategy being that Hope hasn’t exactly endeared herself to the audience with her bad attitude. We finally move on to Bruno who says she tried to tell a story but it didn’t quiet gel the way it should have.
Score – 20
Karina tells JR that she is giving him the hardest routine she’s ever done on DWTS. I’m thinking he can handle it. And handle it, he does. Seriously, how can you not smile when you see him dance? He’s just fantastic. That was beyond beyond. He had better get straight 10’s. Len says he has really come up a notch. Bruno says he created a rip-roaring 11 o’clock number that is a hit. Uh… What? Carrie Ann gives them a Tony. Two 10’s and a 9. Damn you Len! So close to a perfect 30.
Score – 29
I do love me some Kristin Chenoweth. I mean she’s just a bite-sized powerhouse. It’s hard not to want to put her on your mantle and have her sing show tunes for you all night. I actually really enjoyed this, which is confusing to my normal sensibility of “Stop the fluff and get down to business.” Oh well, I’m just gonna go with it. Must be because it’s Broadway and I also do love me some Broadway.
I love that they brought Carson back as a Creative Director! Fabulosity! I am going to allow this suckage of 20 minutes of my life to spend it with Carson. Life is a cabaret, my friend. Ok, I’m gonna have to say that was kind of fun! I must be softening in my old age because I’ve actually enjoyed myself tonight. Shhh… Don’t tell anyone. I’ve got a rep to protect.
Rachel: Well, there were no real surprises this week. The top remained at the top and the bottom stayed there. I think this might be the week Hope goes home.