RHONJ – Reunion, Part 1 in 300-ish

Melissa:  Reunion time, so the rules are out the window – that’s right, I’m rolling up in here all Jersey and calling the shots the way I want to.  You’re getting a whole 300-ish words baby – that’s right, we’re off the express train and taking the scenic route to Crazy Town and I’m feeling rather gossipy… plus I’m rocking it with some Chandon Rosé for tonight’s reunion so I’m giddy on bubbles and ready to see the sparks fly!  Let’s hope the ladies bring it – Jersey style!

The calm before the Housewives storm... as usual, Part 1 leaves us wanting to see all the backstabbing details of Part 2! DAMN YOU BRAVO!!

Jacqueline has sadly opted out of tonight’s Reunion because of strife with Teresa (who as you know I’m not feeling the love for this season – someone has taken one to many dips in the cray cray pool), and tension is clearly in the air – apparently there’s a “loyalty” issue with my Jersey Girls.  I’m sorry, may I take a moment to point that clearly Teresa is suffering from a fame aneurism (thank you Rach) – that or is she just a raving bitch attacking everyone because of the voices in her head – you be the judge.  UGH, and her use of “youse” makes me crazy!  Come on, I’m fighting the dumb Jersey stereotype daily and poor grammar on national television is NOT helping!!  As I said to my partner in sass today, Teresa is all about her, and anything in her way she’s going to attack – clearly we know where her “loyalties” are… herself.  Sorry, but can I ask what’s up with Caroline taking this nastiness from Teresa??  You know I loves me some Caroline and her sit your ass down and be nice attitude (plus would love to be adopted by the Manzo clan), this is just silliness.  AW LAWD, a Melissa singing montage… please just stop, Mamma doesn’t enjoy waking up at 3am with “On display” rolling through my brain, looping with “Footloose” – it’s been a rough week.  I love you Andy Cohen calling Teresa on her Mishigas* – THANK YOU!!  Finally, Caroline is about to snap… oh, and getting Teresa out of her life is the first order!!  Go on with your bad self Caroline, now it’s getting good!!  Wait, no… you can’t leave me hanging here until next week!  Say it ain’t so Bravo!

*Urban Dictionary: (Yiddish) Stupidity, craziness, irresponsible behavior.

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