One Sentence Summary: Dana hosts Game Night and Kim brings her party favors.
Melissa: Gotta say, I have no clue what this week is about… nor do I care because there’s a double finger wag from the Richards girls… and who doesn’t wait breathlessly for that!!
Rachel: Well, I think this episode may be Christmas, Chanukah and my birthday all wrapped up in one. If the preview from last week was any indication, we are in for a doozie of a confrontation. I’m still not sure what I think about Brandi in general, but I’m loving that there is someone on the show that is not playing the “See Nothing. Hear Nothing. Say Nothing” game. And the cherry on my Chrismakahday sundae is that we are finally going to watch an episode that doesn’t revolve around Taylor’s marriage. I would do my happy dance but I might spill my wine. We don’t want that. Well, at least I don’t.
If It Wasn’t So Staged, It Would Be Real
Melissa: Taylor’s in the kitchen in an apron? What kind of shenanigans are going on here? Is she boiling water for tea?? Dana arrives to help bake cookies – Oh, there is a “How many Housewives does it take” joke in there somewhere! I still find Dana really odd. She’s taking over Game Night for Taylor – I wasn’t aware this was a thing with the Housewives. Did I miss something? I suppose it is best to turn it over to the party planner instead of dealing with the stress. Let’s not give you another thing on your plate to keep you from actually eating things off of one.
Rachel: So, Taylor is making cookies, eh? I’m surprised she doesn’t run screaming from the site of chocolate and sugar. Although from the looks of it, it seems she’s really just opening a box of cookie mix and adding eggs & water. Did you really need to call someone to help with that? Apparently she did, since she thinks the batter is hard to stir. Ummm… Batter is not hard to stir but it does require having muscle… of any kind. If you ate more cookies, you’d be strong enough to actually make cookies. Just some friendly advice. Ok, I’m not sold on this Dana person. I’m not even willing to put an offer on the table at this point. She bugs. So wait, she was there for 30 minutes to say “I’m having Game Night” and to talk shit on Brandi because she used the c-o-c-k word? Well, this scene wasn’t set-up at all.
Now It’s Getting Real… Or Not
Rachel: What in the hell is around Adrienne’s neck? Horrible. Oh look, it’s another forced scene to discuss Cock-gate. Kyle is not in love with Brandi. What a surprise. Adrienne is trying to defend her. Not working so much. Brandi has no filter. None of them do. But see here’s the rub… Brandi uses 4-letter words so that makes her tacky. Good to know. Ah, the foreshadowing set-up…. Adrienne addresses Kim sounding wasted. Kyle defends Kim. Sensing a pattern anyone? It’s ok to talk shit about the people you don’t like but it’s not ok for someone to talk shit about the people you do like.
Melissa: Ah, see Miss Brandi… pay attention here Luv. See, you smile politely at the parties then gossip at lunch a few days later. Such is the way of the Housewife. Wait, is Adrienne making excuses for Brandi’s son peeing on the grass at the party?? I’m sorry, but my son, regardless of age, has never stripped off his clothes and peed on someone’s lawn! OK, there was that one time, but he was 3 and it was a long trip and technically it was the side of the road. At least, Brandi should have had the decency to apologize. And while I’m at it, why was her child is swimming without her being eagle-eyed next to the pool in the first place?? Sorry, maternal rant getting all geared up. I’ll shut it down now.
The Theme Continues
Rachel: And here is set-up #3… Why am I bothering to review their review of last week’s show that I already reviewed? They apparently have been watching too many episodes of Dancing With The Stars. So, let’s ask Brandi what she thinks about the BBQ. She thinks the girls don’t like her. Ding ding ding! But Adrienne says it’s because they’re insecure. Really? That’s what it is? It wasn’t because your kid peed on the lawn or that you spent the afternoon with your foot in your mouth? Yeah, having Adrienne force the other ladies to attend a Brandi event is a great way to endear them. Nothing says “fun” like being forced to go somewhere you don’t want to. Hey, why doesn’t she just be “Fun Brandi” at Game Night? Oh right, that’s not in the script. My bad.
And So It Begins
Melissa: Game Night (I still have no clue what this is. Will they be playing Trivial Pursuit?) has arrived! Again, with the style dropping Dana! We get it, you have money and you spend it frivolously because it means nothing to you. OK, can I stop just a second? I’m really so confused with this party to be quite honest – No decorations (Not that you really need them, but didn’t she say she was going to decorate?), no music, and I mean the ladies don’t really eat, but there seems to be no food either. Wait, is Kim cleaning Dana’s mirror?? Honey, you need to focus on getting yourself fixed up and not worry about the dirty mirror. Wow, I need to know what she’s on because that girl is off to market! It’s one thing to be flighty and scattered (We’ve all had those days) but this is off the charts cray cray.
Rachel: Look, I don’t care if those shorts are Valentino. They’re bad. Kyle does moves up a peg in my book for saying she’s wearing Target. And what is up with that spread? I’ve seen better spreads at a… never mind. That wasn’t going anywhere nice. But I would put together a much more fabulous table of food. I mean where the hell was the cheese? It’s not a party if there isn’t cheese. Well, I can’t say this was the best PR for Dana’s biz. And I gotta say that the affected crap that comes out of her mouth is way more offensive than the tacky crap that Brandi says. I mean did she just invite herself to Hawaii with Camille? Ok, what is going on in the universe? Camille is the most normal person in the room. I don’t know how to process that.
Look I know it’s kind of my “job” on here to be a smart ass but I am being as dead serious as a person could be when I ask, how could anyone not see that Kim’s out-of-her-gourd-wasted? She’s one muscle relaxer away from Anna Nicole Smith-land. OK, that last part was the smart ass coming back.
We Interrupt Game Night For A Special Announcement
Rachel: Blah blah blah engagement… Let’s get back to game night. This falls under the catgoery of “I don’t give a shit right now”… And we know how much I love Lisa. Poor Ken. He hasn’t seen his balls since the late 70’s. Lisa told him he left them at Studio 54 after a night of partying and they were lost in the shuffle. If only he was smart enough to check under the bed. Now back to the 3-ring circus known as Game Night!
Melissa: Ugh, a detour from the odd party I’m still trying to figure out to Lisa’s dinner party. Will Giggy be dining with the rest of the group… on the table? Seems the kids pulled off a fast one and got engaged while they were away. I CANNOT WAIT to see this wedding!! With Giggy as ring bearer… naturally.
Now It’s Popping Off
Melissa: Wow Kim, way to talk about Brandi when she’s sitting a mere foot from you. Has your inner child taken over or something? Oh, and to hide her crutches?? Brandi is going to snap, and really who wouldn’t? Oh, and there it is… the finger wag!! Can you just imagine these two in their teens… Well, yeah since we’re witnessing first hand what they clearly must have behaved like back in the day. Oh no, Brandi didn’t call Kim an Uncle Drunkle! Only Kyle is allowed to do that! Besides, I’m thinking it’s hardly alcohol causing this behavior… Clearly someone is sweetening her Starbucks with a little something special.
Rachel: So I’m thinking that if Kyle didn’t think something was wrong with Kim, she wouldn’t keep following her into the bathroom. I mean I’m not Matlock or anything but I am picking up on that clue. Wow Kim, way to be a hideous bitch. God these women are horrible. How does no one say anything??? I give it to Brandi for staying because I would have picked up and left a long time ago. I don’t have that kind of patience… And there wasn’t any cheese. Meanwhile, how happy is Camille that, for once, she’s not the one on the other end of Kyle’s finger pointing? Wait until she tells D.D.!
Rachel: Well, from the looks of the previews, we may have our first Hair-Weave-Pull incident for the Beverly Hills ladies. How exciting!
Melissa: Next Week the sparks continue to fly at Game Night. Let’s be honest, were I there, I might stir a little drama just for something fun to do or at least get the night over with so I could get a burger on the way home.