America’s Next Top Model All-Stars – Week 4

One-Sentence Summary:  The girls try and say gas chromatograph mass-spectrometer.

My Thoughts: 

Hmmm... Anyone wanna guess where my finger's been?

Rachel:  Well kiddies, we have something very important to discuss.  Something that has me rather upset.  Andre Leon Talley is leaving us after this season and being replaced by Kelly Cutrone.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like Kelly and she will bring a Janice Dickinson flavor back to the show, but she’s not Andre.  I love… No, I “Capital L Love” Andre!  Because of him, one of my goals in life is to have a salon in which I can hang interesting and provocative photos.  Why do you forsake us Andre?  Why?  Too much drekitude?  Well, I just hope this is his choice and he is leaving us for greener pastures.  Ok, now that I have that off my chest, let’s model…

Care Packages Make Almost Everyone Happy

It's mail delivery day and the girls are all excited to get their care packages... Well, everyone except Camille who gets a box full of work and bills.... You know because she's 33 and has responsibilities the other girls don't have.

Alexandria opens her care package and is ecstatic to find lemon pepper.  Yes, lemon pepper sends her into shrieks of pleasure.  Maybe she knows a use for lemon pepper that I’m missing out on.  That or they are really really bored in that house.  Don’t they even get to go to the grocery store?  As for Camille, I have a feeling she’s not the only one in that house that has to pay bills.  Generally, that starts a few years prior to turning 33.  Next time ask the person sending your mail to throw in a bottle of chili pepper flakes.  Might make Mail Day more exciting.

Next Time Try A Deep Breath

From the previews, we are led to believe that Kayla has a life-threatening health scare. As usual, we were Punk'd. What really happened was that Kayla decided to take too many pills with caffeine which caused her to have cardiac arrhythmia... For those playing at home, it means her heart started beating too fast... and she had a panic attack.

Kayla tells us the doctor said stress and caffeine can cause someone to have arrhythmia.  Well, I guess that’s what happens when you subsist on a diet of carrot sticks, Diet Coke and ibuprofen.  She acts like she had a minor heart attack.  No sweetie, you had a major panic attack.  I have them for breakfast.  It’s fine.  You’re fine.  Take a deep breath.

Is That A Real Word?

The girls get the chance to audition for a role on CSI which is, according to Laura, is the biggest show ever in the world. Anthony Zuiker, creator of the show, is on-set to judge their performances.

Dominique says if she finds Anthony Zuiker’s email address she’s going to send him her audition tapes.  Um, what do you think you’re doing there today?  This would be your live audition tape, you dope.  I do love that the girls have to memorize medical terms.  Muhahaha… This should be spectacular.  Look, I know I’d probably fumble my way through but this is going to be a train wreck… And it is.  Let’s just say Anthony ended up with his head in his hands and probably a little bit of his own case of cardiac arrhythmia.  Wow, some of these girls are dumber than dumb.  Do you really not know the words barbiturate and methamphetamine?  But all hope is not lost.  Angelea comes in and rocks it out.  Damn girl, I hardly knew ye.  A Chelsea Handler tip of the hat.  And Bre… Bre nails it as well.  Doubly impressed.  I expected Lisa to hit it out of the park too but she royally screwed it up and blamed it on going last.  Hmm…  Bre wins the challenge.

Express Yourself.  (That Was Too Obvious)

The girls do a photo shoot for Express with the Client present. We are told that the Express girl wants to get noticed. Each girl gets a role to play on their shoot: The Socialite, The Girlfriend, The Flirt or The Cool Chick.

Hello male models!  I’m wonder if Shannon will have an issue.  Oh Lawd, now we have to hear about Kayla’s nerves ever other scene.  She’s stressed about the shoot and is worried she’s going to have another “minor heart attack”.  Girl, now you’re working my nerves.  Meanwhile, Bianca isn’t bringing her A game so Mr. Jay pulls her aside to have a convo where she tells him this is all fake and she’s the real model of the bunch.  Good strategy Bianca.  That’ll get you far.  The only thing worse than a bitch is a dumb bitch.  And you, my dear, are a dumb bitch… Which is nowhere near the winey bitch on the scale of coolness.  Jay says she missed the model boat because he hasn’t seen her model the whole competition then acknowledges that that was harsh.  Harsh but awesome!  BTW… There are some cute clothes from Express.  Color me pleasantly surprised.  Loving the faux fur… You know, for those blistering cold nights in Florida.  I may have to pay a visit.

Panel In Under 2 Minutes

Click here to see the final photos.

Well, it wasn’t just Camille’s biological clock ticking… You know since she’s so old at 33… Seems her 15 minutes are up as well.  Not super sad to see her go as I don’t think she was bringing much to the table.  Lisa screwed the pooch for sure this week but she’s definitely a much better model than Camille.  Shame because Camille has that Naomi Campbell body which could make her a fortune on its own.

Bottom Line: Ok, Kayla is officially out of the race for favorite for me.  I’m loving Laura.  It’s kind of hard not to.  And I’m starting to feel a little love for Angelea percolating…

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