Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 4: Gossip Girls

One Sentence Summary: The girls get a glimpse at the newest Housewife and the diamond-tipped claws come out in full force.

Our Thoughts:

Yikes.

Melissa:  OK, let’s catch ourselves up with Adrienne and Paul’s life threatening adventure… the basketball game.  In honor of my Cali ladies, I’m having a little Cambria Pinot Noir.  I do loves me some Cambria… So thank you Santa Maria Valley for the lovely fortification this evening.

Rachel:  It’s really sad how excited I am to watch this show every week.  And it’s even sadder that I keep admitting it to you all.  I don’t know what it is about these ladies that sucks me in, spins me around and spits me out an hour later wanting more.  I think someone should start planning an Intervention for me… OH!  New show idea!  Intervention for people who are addicted to really stupid shit… Like the Housewives… or Star Wars figures.   I think you could actually watch that and not feel like throwing yourself down a flight of steps afterwards.  And speaking of interventions, perhaps it’s time for Kim’s?  Perhaps someone other than Kyle during a fit of blind rage will acknowledge that Kim’s flag is only flying at half-mast these days.  Maybe?

Crazy Say “What?”

Kim finally shows up at the airport and does her best Chatty Cathy on speed impersonation. In Sacramento, Adrienne comes face to face with the fans who aren't shy about letting her know how they feel about moving the Kings. Adrienne, Paul & Kim face the crowd with no problems. The only close call was when Paul almost took Kim out for talking incessantly during the game, which really is such a party foul.

Melissa:  Apparently Kim has gone off the wagon… and maybe rolled down the road a bit.  I’m feeling bad about watching this descent into destruction.  I have to question what the hell Adrienne was thinking inviting Kim to such a tough night – watching some hoops.  I’m with you girl… watching basketball is rough!  Especially with coo-coo for cocoa puffs along for the ride.

Rachel:  I’m not sure Kim was ever on the wagon.  I’m thinking it’s more like she got run over by the wagon as it went flying past her.  And I’m just going to venture a guess that we’re not talking booze here.  I’m pointing the narcotics finger at her; a big foam one full of judgement and scorn.  That being said, no Adrienne, she doesn’t grasp how hard this is for you.  She’s doesn’t even grasp that the wheels on the bus go round and round right now.  I do give Adrienne credit though for showing up to the last game and letting herself be seen.  I’m not going to pretend to have any idea what she’s dealing with.  So, a Chelsea Handler tip of the hat.

Grand Plans

Lisa continues her campaign to expand Sur... Provided she doesn't have to do any of the work.

Melissa:  Lisa is determined to extend SUR… and wants to make sure her business partners know there’s going to be lots of work… for them that is.  Her plan is to come in, have dinner a glass of wine then go home at 10 while they do the work.  Whoa, wait… did she just try to wipe her face on a child’s dress??

Confidentiality Has It’s Merits – For The Staff

Taylor runs to Kyle's with a news article about her marriage and her lack of eating. She does her best Nancy Drew impersonation trying to figure out who sold her out. She thinks it was Lisa but mostly because she doesn't like Lisa.

Melissa:  More from Taylor and her marriage issues – she’s made the paper.  Personally, I’m kinda getting tired of Taylor and her issues… The girl needs to eat a cookie… or a cheesesteak… anything!  She looks dreadful this skinny.  She’s even in the papers over her being too skinny… Um, YEAH!!  But wait, her people have confidentiality agreements??  Hmmm… That would have made my life SOOOOO much easier had I taken that route… Oh the antics I could have gotten away with…  I digress.  Perhaps the libations are going to my head.

Rachel:  It’s getting harder and harder to look at Taylor.  It’s also getting harder and harder to listen to Taylor.  I feel like I’m supposed to have on my sensitivity hat when talking about her this season but a) I lost that hat years ago and b) she’s making it really hard with her drama. I know it’s a rough situation but the “If you’re not with me, you’re against me” attitude is wearing me out.  Besides didn’t she just say last week, on camera, that she doesn’t eat?  I have news for you Taylor, that was broadcast to millions of people.  So, the fact that someone said it in a paper might actually not be that big of a deal. I get that the show isn’t actually ON the television when you say something during filming but you do know those cameras are there for a reason… And that reason is video… with sound.

They Had To Give Her One Scene

Since she has nothing else going on of interest, we get to go shopping with Camille & D.D. The scene is about as exciting as that sentence.

Melissa:  Oh goodie… Camile and DD go paddleboard and wetsuit shopping – My evening is complete!  Yep, I’m doing my most sarcastic Ren and Stimpy “Happy Happy Joy Joy!!”  She was she more fun when she was a snarky bitch who name dropped.  Granted it was her husband’s name, but still.  I miss that Jesus complex of hers.

Rachel:  Oh look, D.D. is running errands with Camille so she has someone to talk about herself with.  BTW… Speaking of friends that she lost in the divorce (Oh, she was talking about friends she lost in the divorce), I wonder what happened to her hottie guy friend that was married to the most understanding (or naive) woman on the planet?  I’m gonna venture a guess here that, after watching her husband on TV last season, she put a much shorter leash on her man.  Good looking out.  Be wary the woman friend that doesn’t know where “the line” is.

It’s My Party & I’ll Claw If I Want To

Lisa confronts Taylor about her weight and her health. She offers to help Taylor in her Lisa way which Taylor takes as an insult. That went well.

Meanwhile, we finally get our first glimpse at the new Housewife, Brandi "My Husband Left Me For Leann Rimes" Glanville. She shows up on crutches and is met with concern... Oh wait, no that wasn't concern. That was out and out bitchiness. Welcome to the party Brandi!

Melissa:  I’m still trying to understand why we need to see so much of Kyle’s party prep.  Let’s just get to the fireworks and introduce the ex-Mrs. Eddie Cibrian.  Personally, I really wouldn’t know who she was if her ex didn’t run off like a country music song… or with it’s singer.

Taylor thinks Lisa is the one who alerted the press about her weight loss??  Um no sweetie, the fact that you resemble Skeletor (and not in the good way where we get to see Dolph) is why people are calling out your weight issues.  EAT A STEAK – WITH POTATOES – AND MAYBE SOME BACON FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!  Finally, Adrienne’s friend (and Housewife du jour) Brandi (ex-Mrs. Cibrian) shows up. Brandi has been sighted with Cedric, which you KNOW pisses off Lisa. And you know if Lisa doesn’t like you, she’ll rally the troops!

Rachel:  Ok, I think Lisa had the best of intentions when confronting Taylor about her weight but maybe in the middle of a party wasn’t the most ideal place to have the conversation.  Besides, Taylor is clearly going to hear what she wants to hear being that Lisa said she wasn’t “masquerading as her best friend” and she heard “I’m not your friend.”  Mission not accomplished.   But apparently Lisa doesn’t get the “time & place” adage as she then accosts Brandi Glanville about being friends with Cedric.  But the most inappropriate moment of the night was Kyle, Taylor and Faye Resnick talking smack on Brandi and cackling like witches in the corner.  What grade are you in?  They want to know who would wear high heels with crutches?  Who would?  I would and so would every one of you Mean Girls.  At least Lisa faces her foe head on & straight up asks Brandi about Cedric.

Meanwhile, Kim didn’t make it to Kyle’s event because she was “too tired” from her trip to Sacramento…. If by tired, you mean strung-out.  Paul & Adrienne managed to make it out of the house 24-hours later.  And speaking of Paul, he gets a Chelsea Handler tip of the hat as well for calling out the cattiness for what it is… Jealousy.

Say What?

Taylor turns to publicist Elliot Mintz for some sleuthing help as she continues her quest to out the rat.  However, his advice is as confusing as the way he holds his wine glass.

Rachel:  Taylor has no idea what he means.  I have no idea what he means.  I’m not sure he has any idea what he means.  The only thing I’m clear on is that he is super creepy.  Like don’t go to a second location with him creepy.

Bottom Line:

Rachel: Tonight’s episode wasn’t all that thrilling.  I feel like I prematurely gushed about the show.  I have faith though…

Melissa:  Ex-Mrs. Cibrian doesn’t care for the mean girls. Please let this get good!  Maybe we’ll be treated to Taylor eating a celery stick. Oh, I’m a dreamer.  I am!!

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4 responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 4: Gossip Girls

  1. Wow, I found a blog written by two women who are my age. I feel like I might be dreaming! Hello, Melissa and Rachel. My name is also Melssa. I’ll post under my nickname “Missy” though.

    I’m enjoying the RHBH so far this season. I don’t have any favorite characters but the ones I like so far are Adrienne, Kim and Camille. Kyle can be okay but her social skills haven’t matured since high school. Taylor is repulsive on many levels and why in the world did she do that to her face?!? Lisa is okay but she also seems to have some stunted maturity when it comes to her friendship with Kyle. I can’t say that I would have recognized any of these ladies had it not been for this show and the same is true with Brandi Glanville.

    With that in mind, even though I despise Taylor, I don’t blame her for being suspicious of Lisa but only on the issue of Lisa’s sudden concern for Taylor’s wellbeing. As far as the report in the tabloid, I think Taylor leaked the story herself. Taylor is desperate for attention and is very pathetic. I should probably feel a little sorry for her.

    I don’t feel sorry for Lisa and her Cedric issue and I’m tired of her whining about it. She is a grown woman and had him living with her for years. She used him and he used her back but they were both happy with the arrangement until her husband finally decided to throw a wrench in it. If she truly cared for Cedric though, she would have handled the issue as a private family matter and not on national TV. Cedric acted like a spoiled child over it but Lisa knew he was nothing but a big child and I think that is why she liked him.

    Kim reminds me of a dandelion. She might be annoying at times but you still can’t help but smile when you see her. She may have a drinking problem or substance problem and I hope she gets help if she does. It seems most of the old child stars have those issues.

    Kyle can be funny but she is also plain old mean at times. She seems to get a lot of joy out of humiliating others.

    Camille has never bothered me the way she has some people. She did hold herself pretty high on her own pedistal last year but she seems to have knocked herself down a notch or two. Time will tell.

    Anyway, hopefully I will have time to read more of your blogs tomorrow. It will be interesting to see your takes on the other HW shows.

    • You’re not dreaming! We’re real! Ha ha… So glad you found us too. We love hearing back from people who are as intrigued by these crazy ladies as we are. I agree that Lisa needs to let the Cedric thing go but I do love her and her pink wardrobe. Adrienne is another favorite of mine… I love a woman out there doing it for herself. It should be interesting to see what goes down now that Brand is on the scene. I think they brought her on to pick up the “hater” slack that Camille left behind being that she’s much less involved this year. Thanks for the feedback and we hope you enjoy the rest of our blog!

    • Welcome to the blog Missy, we love when new people find us… and find us funny! We do loves us some Housewives with their deliciously inapproprite delusions of grandeur!! Hope you enjoy the blog, you can also follow us on Facebook: facebook.com/twowiners and on Twitter: @twowineybitches – Cheers!

  2. I don’t twit…or is it tweet. ha ha But, I will definitely follow you on facebook.

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