Dancing With The Stars 13 – Week 2 Results Show

One-Sentence Summary:  Star #2 gets eliminated.  (I imagine the summary isn’t going to get much more interesting as the season progresses)

My Thoughts:

Look, these puppies are gonna help me get to the top... even if I have to flash areola!

Rachel: Remember last week when I said I was going to watch this week’s Results Show with my DVR remote?  Well, here I am tucked into bed after a delicious dinner of, French onion soup, rack of lamb and a fantastic glass of Belle Glos Meiomi Pinot Noir, ready to fast forward through the 100 superfluous minutes of tonight’s show.  I know I’m being generous in giving 20 minutes up to being worthy of watching but I am willing to give them a chance to entertain me.  I can promise you that won’t be Demi Lovato but who knows what else is in store.  I’m actually willing to give the Macy’s Stars (I really want to add “On Ice” every time I say that) a chance as I do like a good musical.  That would be the only reason I’m even dealing with the first hour at all.  I wonder if Nancy Grace’s wardrobe malfunction will get any mention tonight?  I think it might get swept under the rug since it doesn’t seem like there are too many people who want to relive that.  I know I don’t.  Although I’d like to know where the “Janet Jackson level” outrage is?  I guess the Anger Police are too busy being mad at Chaz.  Makes sense.  Shall we see who gets the boot?  Let me start fast forwarding…

There’s An Hour I’m Not Getting Back

The men ask "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" to start off Hour Two. Yes, that's Val with his chest out again... With an interestingly placed hand by Carrie Ann. Whatcha got a hold of there Carrie?

Ok, so I didn’t even get to see the Macy’s Stars On Ice in the first hour.  I feel like I just got the wool pulled over on me.  The entire hour was all reviewing what happened last night.  Could it be operator error that had me hearing wrong?  No, couldn’t be.  Well, maybe.  Yes.  Yes, it’s possible.  I thought for a minute that’s what was happening at the start of hour two but it was just the male pro dancers doing a routine to a bad cover version of Lenny Kravitz’s “Are You Gonna Go My Way?” And now we’re reviewing the dances AGAIN…  I know I’m like a broken record but I just cannot comprehend why anyone needs to sit through these dances three times.  ‘Splain it to me!

DWTS Cribs

The "stars" take us on a tour of their "crib".

DWTS Cribs… OK, you know I don’t like my time wasted but I did give them 20 minutes leeway to potentially entertain me.  I have to say, the Cribs spoof was actually pretty funny.  Carson in the wardrobe room was hilarious.  Hey look, Val is shirtless again.  His pecs are getting more airtime than an LA car chase.

The Musical Performances

The Script perform a song I don't know.

The Script got the FF button.  I like that “heart don’t break even” song but honestly I don’t have the patience to listen to a new song tonight; especially if I have to watch a melodramatic dance with it.  Maybe I’ll give it a spin tomorrow.  I won’t mostly because I won’t remember.  Still working on that Ginkgo purchase.

The Macy's Dancers pay tribute to a Hollywood choreographer.

OK, apparently I need to pay more attention because I swore we were going to be entertained with a tribute to Hollywood musicals and not a tribute to a Hollywood musical choreographer.  Clearly I was wrong because the Macy’s people are on the dance floor doing moves to some bad dance track.  Did I dream about the tribute?  Am I actually dreaming about this ridiculous show?  G-d that’s sad if I am.  I’m starting to feel a little embarrassed for myself.  Anywho, the opening sequence of this was fun but now… FF.

Demi Lovato sings one of her songs and wanders in circles while people run up and down a ladder.

Demi Lovato gets the FF button.  I will say I’m surprised that she has a number one album and her song “Skyscraper” is a “smash hit”.  I really am so far out of touch with mainstream music.  I’m also so confused by what in the hell is going on on the stage.  I didn’t realize running up & down stairs is considered dancing.

The Elimination

The bottom two couples: David & Kym and Elisabetta & Val.

And now the only two minutes we actually care about… And I use the term “care” loosely. We find out who the final three couples are… David & Kym and Carson & Anna are the first couples to find out if they’re safe or in “jeopardy”.  It’s David & Kym that are in trouble… er, sorry… jeopardy.   Next on the block:  Ricki & Derek, Kristin & Mark and J.R. & Karina.  All three couples are safe.  Up next: Rob & Cheryl, Nancy & Tristan and Chaz & Lacy.  Chaz & Lacy are in on the bottom.  The other two are safe.  Last three couples are up:  Hope & Maks, Chynna & Tony and Elisabetta & Val.  Elisabetta & Val are the third couple on the chopping block.  The other two couples are safe… which you probably figured out based on simple mathematics.

The Results:  The big twist is that the bottom two this week will actually be the couple that had the lowest scores. Why don’t we actually just find out the bottom three each week?  What’s up with the ooh they may or may not be the low scorers?  So dumb… Anyway, Chaz & Lacey are safe which puts David & Kym and Elisabetta & Val in the “real” bottom two.  Elisabetta is sent home and Val doesn’t outlast his brother Maks which was his only goal.  That and keeping his chest waxer gainfully employed.  Whew… Happy David is safe.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Again, not sad to see this week’s dancer go.  I have nothing against Elisabetta but nothing for her either.  I am worried that my boy David was in the bottom two.  He’s gotta work some magic next week.

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