One-Sentence Summary: There’s a menswear scare which just sets them up for an actual menswear challenge.
Rachel: I know I’m so far behind on my Project Runway reviews. I apologize for my lack of responsiveness but I have to be honest… This season is boring the tar out of me. Am I alone here? I like most of the designers but I think I’m not overwhelmed by their designs. Or maybe it’s the challenges themselves. Or maybe I’ve just watched so much bad overwrought dramatic TV that I have dulled my senses. Either way, I’m contrite about my laziness and am here to ask that you forgive me for leaving you hanging. To be fair, I was in the beautiful state of New Jersey for Week 8 doing important research with my Winey Bitch partner, Melissa. So, you will forgive me if I took my eye off the ball for a minute. It’s only so we can bring you more exciting features…. Oh that’s right… You heard me. A little more fun is coming your way in the near future… I know you’re on the edge of your chairs but you’ll just have to wait a little longer before I can share. I recommend wine. It’s a good way to spend some time… Now, what were we talking about… Oh yeah, Project Runway. I will give you my quick thoughts on Week 8 and Week 9. Then I promise I’ll get my sh*t together for Week 10. I may have had my fingers crossed behind my back when I made that promise. No, I for reals promise… I do. Maybe.
WEEK 8: What Women Want… According To Men
Heidi announces to the designers that there is no more immunity and then strolls 9 guys onto the runway insinuating that it’s a menswear challenge. No immunity AND a menswear challenge? Those designers were sweating like hookers in church. Tim tells them the challenge is designing for the wives of these men and not the men themselves. Sweet relief! Then it’s off to Mood with the men in tow to help pick out the fabrics and there is drama in the aisles. The designers aren’t used to having a second opinion in their fabric choices. Olivier has a client whom he is told is a “Double D”. He doesn’t quite totally comprehend that concept but he knows he doesn’t like designing for big boobs. I think he may meltdown in a giant swirl of taffeta and chiffon in the middle of the store.
The designers meet their “models” and overall they are happy. Laura’s wife has a Barbie fantasy which Laura is most happy to indulge. Of course, she is happy to indulge her Barbie fantasy because it’s the “Barbie women that can afford [her] clothes.” Oh, do shut up already… We know, we know… You’re privileged. Congratulations. Over on the selfless side of the room, Anthony Ryan is helping his client give his wife a dress that looks like a dress of hers that he lost in an airport. We don’t get any additional information on how that exactly happened. How do you lose a dress in an airport? I do love that Anthony Ryan is giving back to someone. That’s awesome. Awesomely awesome. Take a note, Laura. That’s what life is about. Then there’s poor timid Olivier who got the steam train wife that has many many opinions about what she wears. Here comes that meltdown. Tim shows up for his workroom critiques and refers to a woman’s breasts as firm… I don’t know who was more shocked by that; the woman or Tim.
Malin Akerman is tonight’s guest judge. She is one of those blonde acresses that looks like other blonde actresses that are in romantic comedies. Maybe I’m just blonde-blind. On the runway, I love Josh’s black dress. Viktor’s outfit is awesome also. I didn’t out and out hate anyone’s… Bert’s was meh. So was Anthony Ryan’s but he didn’t get to have any input really.
The top 3 designers are Anya, Josh & Viktor. They all deserved to be there and any of them could have won it. The judges are impressed that Josh was able to create a simple black dress without his usual OTT bling and takes home the win. On the bottom we have Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Bert. Bryce goes home for putting giant pockets on his model’s thighs. Anyone who has watched Project Runway even once knows if you do anything to make a woman’s hips look wider, you have essentially written your ticket home. It was only a matter of time for Bryce anyhow. We all knew he wasn’t going to see Fashion Week from anywhere but the audience… The giant pockets were the last straw. Bert is not long for this show either. I think he’s only still around because Heidi is a fan of the senior member of the design team.
Click here to see all of Week 8’s final outfits.
WEEK 9: Image Is Everything
Image is everything and this week the designers are giving an unsigned rock band a new one. How fun for me as I was following this contest online. Less fun is that it’s another team challenge. They are really loving themselves some team spirit this season. Tim whips out the button bag and poor Laura gets Bert for the 3rd challenge in a row. That’s some kind of bad streak of luck. For reals. I’m not a Bert hater but he is not exactly a team player. Oh and the Sheepdogs are men (In case the name didn’t already have you guessing that) so here is that menswear challenge the designers thought they escaped last week. Muhahaha… Can’t you hear Heidi laughing all the way from the studio?
Team Harmony – Bert, Laura, Anthony Ryan & Anya
Team Untitled – Joshua, Viktor, Kimberly & Olivier
The Sheepdogs take the stage and start playing for the designers. Olivier can’t take the noise and starts flapping his hands as if he were trying to take flight away from the evil rock ‘n roll. Someone bring him his glycerine pills right away… and a scone if you’re asking. That kid is seriously one loud noise away from a coronary. G-d forbid he ever experience a balloon popping unexpectedly.
Afterwards, the designers ask the band about their style. They say their personal style is classic rock. I mean did you have to ask them to not know that? They are walking talking throwbacks from the 60’s/70’s. Tim says the looks don’t have to be cohesive, just from the same planet… So then why the teams?
At Mood, there is a struggle with the fabrics since, you know, corduroy is icky. Olivier is running in circles and almost misses check-out. Laura is over her budget by $150 and Bert bails her out at the cash register. Suddenly there is love in the air. Laura says she takes back all the bad things she ever said about him. Nice. Bert plays it with class and makes a joke (And this is after he let everyone in his group pick the band member they wanted to dress before him). Oh Bert, every time I think you’re out, you pull me back in.
Back in the workroom, Olivier is upset because his mannequin isn’t as big as Ewan, the lead singer. Come on. You make menswear. I get why the rest of the designers are struggling but you have the leg up here. Did you not know that men come in different sizes? I swear he must live in a Merchant Ivory film when he’s at home because the real world seems to baffle and upset him at every turn. Tim comes to the workroom and Anya tells him that Kimberly borrowed material from her. Seeing the material, I’m not sure Anya was doing her a favor. Josh has a zipper on his jean that worries Tim because it draws your eye to the crotch. Josh’s response? “Exactly.” LOVE IT! And then we’re over to Olivier. Why does he keep calling Ewan big and plus-size? I mean the dude’s not petite but it’s not like he’s dressing John Popper pre-lapband surgery. Tim essentially tells Olivier to get over himself and reminds him that he should be the one kicking ass here. Olivier tells Tim in his Ohio-British accent that he understands and then leaves Ewan sitting in his underwear for an hour & a half while he dicks around. As if Olivier’s day wasn’t bad enough, he also doesn’t manage to finish his outfit… which may be the only thing that saves Kimberly & Anya this week. Whew, they made some ugly outfits.
Adam Lambert is tonight’s guest judge, which is the perfect call for this challenge. I know he’s more glam rock than indie rock but he gets the whole persona factor. Plus, he’s fun and fabulous. I think Michael Kors may have a crush on him. Just a hunch…
We get to see the final looks on the band while they perform. Ok, that’s a fun twist on the runway show. Lord have mercy! Woodstock came back to life and vomited on this runway. Um, throwback means hinting at the past and not grabbing it by the throat and dragging it back screaming. I don’t even know where to begin. I will say that Bert rocked out a cool outfit. I guess he really is in his zone. And Viktor’s jacket is rad. Laura & Josh did a pretty good job. But it’s Viktor’s amazing pleather jacket that triumphs with the judges and he wins the challenge. The rest of the designers’ outfits are just a hot mess. Kimberly made a fast food restaurant worker’s outfit & Anya finally showed her inexperience with sewing… And they both did it on the same poor band member. But it’s Olivier that finally ran out of time. He goes. I hope he finds a nice quiet place to rest.
Click here to see all of Week 9’s final outfits.