From The WTF Files: I Really Really Do!

Who’s excited for their wedding night!?!?

We've heard the adage "wearing your heart on your sleeve" but "wearing your vagina on your dress" takes it to a whole new level.

Melissa: I can’t help but chuckle every time I look at this dress.  Plus, it’s actually a pretty dress – you know what I mean.  There are so many questions I have for both the designer and the bride.  Side Bar:  I appreciate the “Brazilian approach” – don’t think that went unnoticed.  Is this for the virgin bride so she can have an understanding of what is supposed to go where?  Is somebody excited about marrying a GYN??  Is the chooch detachable, or can it be bustled?  Is it made from a cast of the bride’s actual va-jay-jay or just sketches?  Or the designer (now, THAT would be weird)??  I appreciate the life-like detail of the frock, but does the labia need to be so… dangly (ew)??  How much does the “additional fabric” cost?  Is it covered by the layers off to the side… you know for church time (cause I’m thinking grandma doesn’t care to see a business end in church)… but then the real fun starts for the wedding photos?  Did the designer misinterpret “I want it to be very feminine”?  Does the groom have “matching” pants??

Part of me also thinks (because you know I have a twisted side) this might be an evil plot by an ex-fiancee/boyfriend getting his final say on what exactly he thinks of his ex.  I know it’s sort of sick of me, but how funny would that be?!  Well, funny because it’s not me picking up a vagina dress 2 days before my wedding.

Rachel:  Ok, I’m not a doctor… I don’t even play one on TV… but I am a woman so I’m somewhat familiar with the anatomy we have going on down below.  That being said, I’d like to add a couple questions to my partner’s list, if I may.  Starting with… What exactly is the extra “bodily structure” going on above the vajayjay?  Is it the anal region placed on the wrong end?  And if so, is that a hemorrhoid?  Is it the uterus with the purple dot representing the a fetus? Is this someone’s creative way of saying they’re having a shotgun wedding?  It’s all so confusing.  Although, I’m thinking if you’re gonna go with a vagina dress, you might as well do the whole way and have it wired so that the vajayjay actually moves.  You could do a whole “Little Shop of Horrors” act during the reception finishing on the high note of “Feed me [insert Groom’s name here]!”  Tell me your guests wouldn’t be talking about that for years to come.

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