From The WTF Files: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Keeping your junk warm this winter, just got a whole lot easier…

New for Fall '11... it's the Knit Penis Cozy!

Melissa: Clearly the Winey Bitches have a knitwear fettish… either that or we’re SERIOUSLY excited for fall!  At first, I assumed this was a sweater/snuggie for the “dangle” and I was cool with that if not a bit… “um, wtf”?  Your business end can get cold right guys?  Like when you’re sleeping and get a little hot so you kick your leg out of the covers… for proper heat regulation.  This could be useful for that – lay naked outside of the covers and not have to worry about your twig and berries getting cold.  The downside would be if you bought it at the bargain store and ended up with scratchy yarn… You want this to be a high end purchase, not the checkout line impulse item (needs to be cashmere or something of the like I’m thinking).  However, could it be just as useful as a vibrator cover?  Seriously, I’m thinking (once again) if you live in Alaska (see Sworts) and you want to make sure your vibrator stays warm (at the very least not cold) between uses, this will do the job.  This is JUST as practical for the ladies out there!  Oh, this could be the perfect engagement or wedding gift… a his and hers set!!  Who needs a Tiffany platter, the modern couple wants matching head covers!

Rachel:  I do like that they made a version with ribs… for her pleasure, of course.  They could make a deluxe version of this with a pouch for the jewels.  Mix and match colors.  Fun for days on end.  It does scare me though that most websites refer to this as a “condom”.  Um, no.  Please don’t call it a condom even if it’s a joke.  There are enough idiots out there that will try and use it for this purpose.  I don’t care how many times you post a warning.  Let’s be honest.  People are just that dumb.  That’s a tough legacy for a kid… Yeah, my parents were having sex using a Junk Cozy for protection and nine months later I was born.  Didn’t go any better with the fishnet version.  That’s how my brother got here…

(Photo credit:

One response to “From The WTF Files: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

  1. Where do you get the pattern for these?

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