Something old. Something new. Something confusing. Something ew.
Straight from Spain, The Breast Milk Baby. Your child wears a special halter that simulates breast feeding by “suckling & swallowing”. Rachel found this online, shared it with Melissa and the conversation went something like this…
Rachel: I’m freaked out… thebreastmilkbaby.com
Melissa: I don’t even like that link name… don’t want to open… scared… so scared…
Rachel: You’re scared… I’m scarred.
Melissa: OH MY LORD!!!
Rachel: That’s what I’m saying.
Melissa: It’s the le leche nazis come to convert our babies!!
Rachel: Why does a 5-year-old need to simulate breast feeding?
Melissa: So we can teach her even before she enters puberty that she wants to have babies and breastfeed them… So we can ultimately then discuss the fact that teenagers are too young to be having sex.
Rachel: The whole thing freaks me out… Actually the “yum yum gulp” wording throws me into a spiral of uncomfortableness.
Melissa: Yes, I’m truly at a loss for words because I can’t imagine who in their right mind thinks this is appropriate let alone will spend $89!! That is truly a WTF… and not in a fun crochet hot pants way.
Rachel: And the video of actual breast feeding was unnecessary… Sorry, I know I’m setting feminism back 60 years.
Melissa: I opted out before I completely flipped out…
Rachel: Soooo….. I hate to do this… No, I don’t…
This gem comes to us from the 60’s. Needless to say, it’s another idea in the “let’s teach our kids about life” that these here Winey Bitches think hits way off the mark.
Melissa: Are you kidding me?? Why do you do this to me??
Rachel: Hee hee…
Melissa: That is wrong on so many levels it’s cubed!!
Rachel: Yes. Yes, it is.
Melissa: Is there a reason the baby is all ready to go for the birth canal??? So, clearly this Barbie is anatomically correct. Does her vajayjay dialate too??? And how do we explain to the kids how the baby got there… Not to mention they’re going to look at pregnant women expecting to be able to see the baby inside.
Rachel: It was from the 60’s and didn’t last too long on the shelves apparently… Oh and I guess technically it’s Midge not Barbie.
Melissa: Oh well, that explains it… No, it doesn’t. Who in their right mind pitched this toy??? What was the sell? Seriously, I can’t even begin to imagine!!
Rachel: Me either but there was a lot of pot back then.
Melissa: Maybe… But no, I still don’t get it… I’m thinking all stoned that shit would freak me the F out! But who is the baby daddy??? We know the boys were all smooth… and not in the manscaped way.
Rachel: Well, apparently Barbie’s friend Midge was a whore and was hanging with dolls outside the Mattel smoothie family.