From The WTF Files… Ready! Set! Blow!

Ready!  Set!  Blow!

We really had no idea there was this much entertainment to be found in the world of lingerie until we started this blog.  This doozy has left us speechless.  Well, that’s not true.  Nothing leave us speechless… More like confused. 

We offer you, our dear readers, our theories on the Butterfly Open Crotch Thong w/Whistle (official name) below.  We’d love to hear yours.

Melissa:  Let me first start by saying I’m all for the crotchless underwear.  You could easily find yourself without an extra, what, 5-10 seconds to get your panties off before doing the Forbidden Dance – I get that folks.  Actually, I don’t, but I don’t want to seem close-minded.  If you want some crotchless undies, that’s fine with me.  Just don’t bitch when something ends up getting in the way and one or both parties end up with a very uncomfortable “strap burn” if you catch my drift.

Second, I’m kind of confused by the whistle… <tweet> I’m gonna start now, pay attention, or maybe <tweet> I’m done in case you hadn’t noticed, or even <tweet> TV time out, I need a drink, <tweet> unnecessary roughness, <tweet> traveling.  Seriously, I can’t type the jokes fast enough… and don’t get me started on passing out yellow and red cards!!  Maybe I could understand if the whistle string were longer… don’t stop til you hear the whistle kind of thing.

Third, fits 22″-38″ waists… are you kidding me??

Finally, my biggest issue with the butterfly crotchless thong is why the hell do they look like a “mom jeans” version of naughty lingerie??  I mean really, could that sit higher up on the stomach… or wait, does it serve as a tummy tamer panel??

Upon further review of the site (Come on… like you all wouldn’t start clicking around!!)… This, I find even more confusing:  Pearl Underwear.  How is that comfortable??  Even for a few minutes of looking pretty before it ends up on the floor or lost in the sheets… That just has to feel somewhat bothersome.

Rachel:  Before I even address what is happening above, I would like to offer an explanation of the confusing pearl underwear to my dear partner.  The pearl underwear is designed to go on right before and  stay on during, as she likes to call it, the Forbidden Dance.  You’re not wearing those to the opera… unless you are a masochist… in which case, rock on.  The rolling effect of the pearls during the… um, act offers an added sensation.  They make for a very popular bridal shower gift.  Just make sure the mother of the bride has a sense of humor about these things lest you be branded “that friend” for life.  Trust me.

As for the whistle butterfly crotchless situation we have going on, I imagine these are also not designed to be worn during gardening work or picking the kids up from school.  I’m going to venture a guess they are what you wear when you want to get things going with a fun opener like “Let The Games Begin!’ or “Blow You?  Blow Me!”  Personally, I think the whistle just acts as a distraction in an area where you don’t so much need any distractions.  When you’re down there, TCOB people.  TCOB.

I would, however, like to thank the kind folks at 1SexyThong.com (How long was the brainstorming session for that name?) for not using a live model for this photo.  That is something I’m not sure I could come back from. 

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