One Sentence Summary: Bentley is back and it’s the shot heard ’round the Bachelors’ compound.
Rachel: Well, I’m at it alone tonight. My partner in crass is off being fabulous in the UK. That’s the United Kingdom and not the University of Kentucky for those of you playing at home. Just trying to be helpful. This is a bad week for her to be gone because I’m not sure I can handle the return of Bentley on my own (Yes, I actually used his real name…. but let the record show that I still think he’s an ass hat. Pretty sure it’s not going to change tonight.). Just the thought of having to see his smug face with his Brillo hair makes me twitchy. I seriously cannot tell you the last time I had a reaction this violent to a person… And he’s not even a real person… He’s a publicity stunt for a tv show for which I’m falling hook, line & sinker. You got me abc. You got me. I just ask that you keep this short & sweet. I don’t want to have to start taking muscle relaxers to watch this show. Or do I….
And since I’m on my own tonight, let me take the extra space to talk about why we have to watch Ashely walk the streets of whatever new city they are in for the first five minutes of the show every week. Is her next appearance going to be with Ms. Jay on America’s Next Top Model? I realize we need to be brought up to speed on Ashley’s deep thoughts (which really is the same one thought week after week… Oh Bentley, wherefore art thou Bentley?) because without them we’d have no idea what is going on on the show. But maybe we can try it next week with a different visual…. I’m just not buying the walk through town in stilettos. Then again, it might just be that everything she does bugs the crap out of me… Ok, I’m done. Let’s watch.
Ripping Off The Band-Aid
Right out of the gate we’re hit with the Bentley confrontation. Chris tells Ashely that Bentley is in the hotel and Ashely goes Ashen. Ashley asks him about the “dot dot dot” and Bentley plays it vague… much to Ashley’s chagrin.
Wow, I’ve had nary a sip of wine and we’re already knee-deep in the drama. I was prepared to have a nice appetizer of a one-on-one date and be appropriately numb from the wine before being thrown right into the main course. I like to be wooed. I feel rushed and ill-prepared. But here we are… In Bentley’s hotel room. Bentley is doing that thing where he won’t answer a question directly and just keeps putting it back on her… Ladies, run from any man that does that. They’re playing you.
Well, color me shockingly impressed! Ashley grew a spine since we last saw her walking through the streets in stilettos! You go girl! You put a period on the end of that dot dot dot! I raise a glass and take a swig in honor of never having to see Bentley again (or hearing that stupid dot dot dot shite again)… Well, until the Men Tell All special. I wonder if they put Ass Hat back on a plane immediately or if he got to hang in Hong Kong, which we all know is the reason he agreed to see Ashley in the first place. That, and more air time. Well, that was surprisingly positive… Can this be a sign of things to come?
Just A Good Ol’ Boy
Lucas gets his first one-on-one date with Ashley. He’s never really seen a big city like Hong Kong before so they stroll and explore stopping for some street food along the way (Note the mortification on Lucas’s face at the thought of street food).
Then they have a romantic… you guessed it… dinner aboard a pirate ship. Lucas regales Ashley with his divorce story… She just wasn’t the right girl for him. Ashley is wooed by his southern charms and gives him a rose.
Every time I see Lucas, the theme song to The Dukes of Hazzard starts playing in my head. It doesn’t help that he has never been to New York City and is just a good ol’ boy who likes to go fishing. I’m not sure what these two have in common but Ashley is high off of her dismissal of Ass Hat. Seems the insanity cloud has lifted… ish. My friend Betsy is convinced Lucas is a closet serial killer. I think he’s a closet control freak. Neither of us think he’s the next Mr. Ashley Hebert. But we’ve been wrong before…
And again with the walk through town date? Ok, producers, you are just getting lazy now. There’s nothing else to do in Asia except walk through the streets of town and eat in interesting locations? How is Ashely supposed to know if she likes someone if she hasn’t been strapped to them and put into a dangerous bungee cord situation?
A Race For Ashley’s Heart
Tonight’s group date features our fearless bachelors, split into groups of 2, rowing for their lives… or a dumb worthless trophy. They don’t even win one-on-one time. Just a chance to humiliate themselves for love.
Afterwards, Ashley gets lip from Ames & Ben… but the rose goes to Ryan, which irritates the guys who are beyond over his sunny disposition.
I realize that I’m pretty much the only person riding on the Ryan train here. I just don’t get what’s wrong with being upbeat and positive all the time… and this is coming from the Queen of All That Is Cynical. Maybe it does get to be a bit too much but in the grand scheme of things, is it really the worst thing in the world? Granted, I don’t have to live with it. Maybe I’d have a different attitude if sunshine & lollipops was up in my grill every day.
But let’s give a round of applause to my boy Ames and his fivehead for taking Ashley by the waist and planting a wet one on her… in an elevator, no less. I didn’t think he had it in him. I guess there is a little spice under that Prep School veneer. I’m so playing for Team Ames right now. Less so for Team Ben F… He’s losing my interest. Just not feeling the love… unlike Ashley who makes out with him right after making out with Ames (if you believe what the editors show us). So, if you follow the rule that you sleep with all the people your current beau has slept with when you sleep with them, does that same principle follow with kissing? Because, if so, then Ben F and Ames just got down. How’s that for me painting a picture?
Ashley goes on another “walk-and-dine” date with JP. She decides to tell him about Bentley being in town and how it helped her let go so she could move forward with him. JP is most understanding and, for that, he gets a rose.
Before I even get into this insanity, let me state for the record that I object to JP’s pant/sock/shoe combo. Thank you. Now, back to the story at hand… There is something about JP that just rubs me the wrong way… I just smell his cologne and it reeks of “needy” to me. He seems like the kind of guy that takes way more than he should before he sticks up for himself and then decides he can’t handle it… but maybe I’m over-Freud-ing here. I will say though that, for that reason exactly, he is a baaaaaaad litmus test for how most men will react to the Bentley story and I have a sinking feeling that that is exactly what Ashley is doing. Oh, JP took the information so well that telling the rest of the guys is a great idea and it will just bring us closer…. Yeah, no. Not so much. Regardless, JP gets the rose and I think he’s Ashley’s new favorite.
Things That Fall Under “Bad Idea”
It’s time for the Rose Ceremony Pre-Party. The guys have been drinking which makes it a great time for Ashley to tell them about Bentley. It goes over about as well as a fart in church and the men revolt with a few threatening to leave. Mickey is the only one to actually stand by his threat and bails, leaving the rest of the guys twisting in the wind.
Ok kiddies, gather ’round. It’s been a while since we had a lesson on How Not To Play The Game Of Love. Tonight, we saw Ashley roll up on a group of men that were already half in the bag and tell them how she had very strong feelings for another man. Granted she also said that she let said man go and was ready to move on with them, but that point fell on deaf ears. Pay attention children, here is the lesson… You do not ever tell a man he was second choice ever. EVER. And you certainly don’t tell them in a group setting when they’ve been drinking. That’s like putting a piece of meat in the middle of a group of rabid dogs and expecting them not to tear it to shreds. One-on-one it’s a bad idea… but in a group? You’re out of your mind. You take a whack with a baseball bat to a man’s ego and you’re going to be sitting alone on a bench in Hong Kong wondering what happened. I’m baffled that she thought this was a good idea. I kept yelling at the TV… Stop talking! But, surprise, she didn’t hear me. Well, at least she did pull the emergency brake of tears… When all hope is lost, cry. Some guys (and cops) still fall for that. Well, that and rocking your boobs in a low-cut dress like she did tonight. Well played.
P.S. – Betsy may be right about Lucas and the serial killer thing…
After Mickey sent himself packing, there was only one more person to be sent home. Ashley kicked fellow dentist Blake to the curb. I imagine his attitude didn’t help much in the sticking around department.
That leaves: Ben, Ryan, JP, Ames, Constantine & Lucas left to party on down to Taiwan.
So help me this had better be the last week we hear Bentley’s name. I can’t even type it without being annoyed by it. And per the previews, someone comes back… I’m going with Blake. I’m not sure why anyone needs to come back other than the fact that this girl is bananas and is making me bananas too.