Real Housewives of New York – Week 11

One Sentence Summary:  We’re back in Manhattan and the ladies return to their real lives which is a good thing for everyone… except Sonja.

We Find Simon's Come-Ons Hilarious Too

Our Thoughts:

Melissa:  This Week Ramona confronts Mario on what the psychic said, Luann is going to have a great one-liner, and Sonja is broke.  Now, I’m thinking it’s not Trading Places broke.  We’re not going to see her as Santa stuffing food down her costume… More like letting go a few of her indentured servants and live like the rest of her 1%.  I wonder if she can make ramen in that toaster oven.

Rachel:  And we’re back in Manhattan.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I was about over “Sex & The City: Housewives Edition”.  Three weeks of their one week vacation was a bit much.  Let’s get back to drama in the city.  I can’t wait to hear Sonja justify being $19MM in debt.  How does that happen?  I cannot fathom the level of denial that it takes to get that far gone but, then again, I can’t grasp the concept of having $19MM to lose in the first place.  Maybe they can collaborate on a book of tips on how to be millions of dollars in debt and still throw lavish parties and use your friends’ kids as servants.  Regardless, I’m just excited that we get to watch the “Herman Munster shoes” fight tonight!  Yipee!  Luann is back with her one-liners!

Come On Over & Ride The Ramonacoaster

Ramona invests in some sexy lingerie and rose petals to woo Mario… and confront him with the psychic’s information about another woman in his life.

Melissa:  OK, really Bravo we have to start off with the scantily clad Ramonacoaster hoping to seduce Mario??  My stomach just lurched… I need some saltines!  But wait… Apparently our boy is a little late for the date?  OK, back to ‘Mona asking about what the psychic said… and of course the only other woman is his life is Avery.  All is good with them and as a reward-ish Mario is treated to a rubdown from his woman – did he just cringe?

Rachel:  Ok, so now I’ve had to see Ramona in a negligee two weeks in a row.  What are you people trying to do to me?  Look, some information doesn’t have to be shared with the reality show audience.  We all know reality is scripted and conversations are forced… So, what say we force this “whose the other woman conversation” to happen in a Starbucks or something.  What fascinates me is that Mario & Ramona are fine being half-naked and half-seduced on-camera.  No compunction about it all… Granted it’s not a Tamra-Eddie in the tub situation but, color me Prudy McPrudington, I think some things should happen behind closed doors in a camera-free environment…. unless that camera is yours.  Then have a ball… or two.  hee hee…

Just When I’m Back Up, They Knock Me Down Again

The hits keep on coming as we are “treated” to Simon’s welcome home for Alex.  He has planned a seductive dinner of oysters and finds this to be the appropriate way to present Alex with her gifts…

…which Alex agrees to try on for Simon… and the rest of the viewing audience.

Melissa:  OMFG!  We go from Ramona in her underthings to Simon and Alex tonguing in the kitchen.  What’s up B-folks… you trying to kill me??  MY EYES… MYEYEEEEEEEES… MAKE IT STOP!!!!!  EEEEWWWW… and they’re plotting their sex-capades.  Really I can’t watch this shit!  Wait, a lingerie show for Simon?!  Oh, I feel dirty… very dirty… Like I have to shower with lye after seeing these two.  Make the lambs stop screaming.  How does one get this image out of their head?  Please someone, help.

Rachel:  Oh, come on!!!!  This is beyond unnecessary.  Please if there is anyone out there in TV-land that found this enjoyable to watch, ‘splain to us how.  How and why.  And then check yourself into treatment immediately.  If I need to see famous people (and I use the term “famous” in regard to the Housewives as loose as the skin under Simon’s eyes) have sex on-camera, I’ll rent the Tommy Lee/Pam Anderson video… again.  At least, those two have some kind of sexual appeal.  These two… not so much.  Shall we move on?

Petty Revenge

Sonja gets revenge on Cindy by cutting her out of all the camel pictures she took with Jill’s camera.

Melissa: I must say I was wondering why we had to witness Cindy showing her brother photos from her trip.  But we come to find out there are no pictures of her because Sonja cut her out of all the pictures… well played Sonja, I gotta give you that one you clever little minx.

Rachel:  Cheap.

Get Yourself A Little Squeeze From Jill

The girls… minus an uninvited Ramona… get together to participate in a focus group for Jill’s new line of body shape wear.

Melissa: At Jill’s “squeezeware” showroom we discover Sonja’s actually $19M in debt… maybe since she keeps all the labels on her clothes she should start returning some of them to start recouping her losses.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to understand what her debts are.  “I don’t have a huge debt” – um, sweetie, $19M to a lot of people is actually huge debt.  OK, shifting focus, Alex is taking up the cause for Ramona again… Oh Alex, this will not get you sainted.  And then to run to Ramona right after – little pot-stirrer… I’m done with you.

Rachel:  We all know I’m not Sonja’s biggest fan but I kind of feel badly for her here.  Not because she got herself into this kind of debt but because this should be a matter that should only be discussed with her if she chooses to bring it up.  Jill clearly missed that day in etiquette school because she lays into her like she’s cross-examining her.  My goodness lady.  Take a deep breath.  Are your Zarin-Spanx squeezing you too tight so that the blood has stopped flowing to your brain?

A Flair For The Dramatic

Alex runs to tell Ramona how she wasn’t invited to Jill’s focus group.  Ramona explains her feelings about Jill and Alex reacts… A lot.

Rachel:  I guess the editors are as amused and confused by Alex’s ridiculous face-making as I am.   What is going on here?  This isn’t a soap opera where each scene ends with an actor making an overly-dramatic face.  Wait… well, maybe it is.  Ok, carry on, Alex.  As you were.

Herman Munster Time!

Alex confronts Luann about her dismissing her in Morocco when all she wanted to do was discuss Ramona’s feelings.  Luann has no interest in hearing from Alex about it and tells her to butt out of her relationship with Ramona… which devolves into Luann taking pot shots at Alex’s shoe choice.

Melissa:  Ah, and the moment I’ve been waiting for; The Luann and Alex showdown.  Heehee – I love to watch Alex try to hold her own.  I think she has to try to be a little less Manhattan wannabe socialite and channel her inner Brooklyn.  Maybe that would give her a little more credibility with me.  I do love how quickly LuAnn can just bounce back into her “Countessness” and assume people should be privileged to be sharing space with her.

Rachel:  Oh, I am so Team Luann here.  I just love how she shut Alex down completely without her pulse even speeding up one tick.  This is what they meant by “never let them see you sweat”.  I guess they teach that in Countess School.  I’m not sure what Alex hoped to accomplish but you can’t out-haughty Luann… and you can’t tell her what to do.  I’m thinking maybe she should have gone over some game tape of past seasons before rolling into that one.  This whole “I’m Alex.  Hear Me Roar” thing needs some fine-tuning.  A little advice for the off-season.

Bottom Line:

Melissa: Next week – Sonja further defends her bankruptcy, Jill’s botox, battling sweet 16s… and is the Ramonacoaster morphing into a tilt-a-whirl?!

Rachel:  Ah, I’m so happy to be back in Manhattan.  It feels like everything is back as it should be….

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