Dancing With The Stars – Week 8 & 9

One Sentence Summary:  I am declaring war on WordPress.

Bruno Feels My Pain

My Thoughts:  Hmm… My thoughts…  What am I thinking right now?  I’m thinking WordPress can suck it!  I had just finished my way late review of Weeks 8 & 9 when it disappeared into thin air just as I hit the “Publish” button.   Yeah, you read that right.  Gone.  Poof.  Hilarity thwarted.  Someone please explain to me how that happens.  Actually don’t.  The damage to my spirit has been done.  Anywho, after the initial shock wore off, I knew that I was faced with the daunting task of rewriting the entire thing.  So, I did what any good responsible blogger would do… I closed my computer, went to a sushi dinner with a friend & drank lots of sake.  Kampai!

So, I really did want to recreate the post as I believe it’s some of my best work but, let’s be honest, I’m far too lazy for that.  Besides, I’m just getting back to speed after the Winey Bitches First Annual Company Retreat.  Consuming all those poolside Rum Runners and Piña Coladas is grueling work, people.  You don’t just bounce back from that kind of effort.

So, I offer you a few notes on Weeks 8 & 9 while we wait for tomorrow’s results…

Week 8

First and foremost, I was confused by “instant dances”.  I was thinking we were going to see a dance-off a la Britney & Justin where everyone just does their own thing… you know, instantly.  But no, we just saw couples dance rehearsed dances to songs they didn’t hear until 20 minutes prior.  It was more like “Somewhat Off-Tempo” dances. Way to oversell it DWTS.

Second, I spent the majority of the show more fascinated with the clothing than the dancing.  Like this gem:

Aside from the fact that the double pucker almost made me pass out, I don’t even know what to do with her outfit.  Look, I’m in no position to be knocking on someone’s lack of knockers but I’m thinking this wasn’t the best choice of top for Chelsea.  She looks like a kid playing dress-up in her stripper mom’s closet.  But those judges just love them some Princess Petunia Pucker and she gets the highest scores of the night.

But I did love this:

So pretty and floaty and girlie and peach.  Usually, Kym is one stitch away from a massive wardrobe malfunction so this was a nice change.  And being that the duo did not divert from their usual ballad, it worked.  I’m just happy that their “instant” dance was upbeat and we could see Hines actually get his groove on.  I would like to request they do their final dance to the classic hit, Rumpshaker. 

Then there was this:

Really?  Red vinyl?  Yes, I get the homage to Britney’s “Oops I Did It Again” video since they were, in fact, dancing to Brit Brit but this dress is just “Oops”.  I was so distracted by it that I almost missed Romeo plug his latest project.  Thankfully, he had another crack at the mike after their second dance so I was quickly back up to speed on the career track.  Whew, that was close.

But nothing could prepare me for this:

What…the… F…. is that?  Holy Ghost of Denny Terrio, Batman!  Please tell me that is not a mesh mock turtleneck!  I refuse to believe it.  It’s bad.  So so so bad.  All I see when I look at this is Dorothy Zbornak (aka Bea Arthur) on her way to a formal event with the other Golden Girls.  Ralph Macchio should never ever be shopping in Dorthy Zbornak’s closet.  I think that’s a pretty safe rule.  It didn’t help that the Karate Kid was suffering from a bum knee.  I bet, if they would have somehow incorporated the crane kick into the routine, their scores would have been significantly higher.  Just sayin’…

And since I’ve now gone through the whole show even though I said I wasn’t going to, might as well cover Kirstie…

I love that she ratcheted up the sexy with some fishnets.  She looks great here.  Then came dance number 2 and Kirstie was back in leggings.  Who did she piss off in the costume department?  It’s not nice.  Not nice at all.   Stop putting her in leggings!  Maybe the seamstress is forced to sit through Maks & Kirstie’s rehearsals and has just snapped from all their bickering.  I know it’s pushing me over the edge.  I’m not sure if it’s more apparent now that Kendra and her incessant whining is gone but enough already.  Maks is officially now on the “Shh Baby Don’t Talk” list.

Then there was the Results Show…

I was so excited when I heard that Adele was performing.  Finally, some really great new music!  Then, I hear the words “Michael” and “Bolton”.   Um, did we just get hurtled back to 1984?  Well, according to Ralph’s mock turtleneck, the answer would be yes.  Thankfully, I had DVR’d the Results Show so I could get my soul on with Adele and then fast forward on triple-time through Bolton to the results.  Not surprisingly, Romeo was sent packing.  You know there’s a “Where art thou Romeo” joke here but even I can’t be that cheesy.  We’re now down the Final Four.

Week 9

Ok, I have to admit that I didn’t see Week 9 as I was still Company Retreating.  I tried to watch it online but it wouldn’t load.  The ads for the delicious Magnum Ice Cream Bars loaded but not the show.  Like I needed any more incentive to eat ice cream.  But I digress… I then tried the next best thing which was reading the show recaps on the abc website.  Yeah, that was enlightening.  So, I’m not even going to waste your time trying to write a review of a show I didn’t see.  I will just jump to the results…

Well, actually first I need to comment on Kirstie’s outfit.  From the waist up, she looks fantastic.  From the waist down, leggings.  Again.  Come on!  You can’t see it in this photo but the way the legging cuts her ankles next to the t-strap shoes is just not flattering.  Can someone please help a sister out?  Ok, now that I’ve gotten that off of my chest, the elimination….  It’s wax off for the Karate Kid.  We all know I’d rather it be Chelsea but, at this point in the competition, anyone that leaves is just one person closer to Hines winning the disco ball… I mean mirror trophy.


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